The Best of Archie's Madhouse #[nn]

In "If Teen-Agers Ran the Government!", Archie and his friends take a hilarious, imaginative dive into what the country might look like if teens were in charge—reimagining everything from the Constitution to national holidays, with Jughead, Veronica, Betty, Reggie, and Moose putting their own spin on everything from Army uniforms to the Treasury Emblem.

Archie Andrews finds himself kicked out of the Lodge mansion—again—but this time, every excuse Hiram Lodge offers is interrupted by a new product pitch. With Veronica watching from the sidelines, Archie’s eviction unfolds like a surreal commercial break, each line selling everything from breakfast cereal to lawn care.

Chester Square’s extravagant attempts to win Brenda Van Loot’s favor fall flat, while Lester Cool, broke but clever, takes a different approach—dating her on a budget. Brenda, surprised by the novelty of a boy who doesn’t spend big, finds his frugal charm unexpectedly refreshing.

Lester Cool, the perpetually stylish teen with a flair for the dramatic, finds himself unexpectedly abducted by Martians who show off their latest weapons with serious intent. Instead of panicking, Lester critiques their arsenal with the eye of a true trendsetter, convinced Earth could use a few of those gadgets to stay ahead of the curve. When the Martians realize Earthlings aren’t scared by their technology—just oddly inspired—they quietly cancel the invasion.

Ronald the Rubber Boy stretches his way into trouble after swallowing too much gum, turning his body into a bouncy, bendable marvel. From heroic feats to a downfall fueled by ego, his journey from hero to cautionary tale unfolds with classic Archie humor.

Sabrina the Teen-Age Witch flips the script on high school drama with a spellbinding twist: she’s a witch who’s supposed to hex her classmates, not fall for one. Armed with a strict code of witchcraft—no crying, no sinking in water, and absolutely no love—she’s got her powers to keep, even as her crush on Archie Andrews (a surprise cameo) and her friendship with Betty Cooper start to blur the lines. With Salem lurking in the background, this five-page gem from The Best of Archie's Madhouse #2011 serves up charm, comedy, and a touch of magical mischief.

In this delightfully absurd tale from *The Best of Archie's Madhouse*, Hilda the Witch hosts a wild experiment gone sideways when Professor Sy Klops accidentally shrinks teens Joe and Janet with his vitamin ray. Now tiny and navigating a world turned giant, the pair discover unexpected perks—and perilous pitfalls—of their new size.

When the son of Dr. Jerkyll inherits his father’s experiments, he transforms into the rock star Melvin Prestone—only to flee autograph hunters and try on a new identity as FBI agent Eliot Mess. But neither fame nor disguise brings peace, as trouble follows him in every form. With a rushed antidote and a worsening transformation, he’s in over his head—literally.

Dr. Bonehead's latest invention turns insects into towering, brainy criminals—exactly the kind of chaos he’s been after. But when his super-sized bugs start thinking for themselves, even the mad scientist might not be ready for the twist.

A blank comic page titled "The Hilarious Adventures of Clyde Diddit (Who He?)" sits ready, its panel grids and sound effects waiting for a reader’s imagination to bring the gag to life.

In a delightfully absurd twist on medical tropes, Nurse Anna Steezia navigates a day at the clinic where even the prescriptions come with a side of satire—flirting with the ever-charming Doctor Ben Bones, seeking a second opinion from the enigmatic Dr. Mogambo, and trying to identify a masked doctor whose face is as mysterious as his diagnosis. With a parade of eccentric specialists and a race to the operating room, every panel delivers a punchline that’s as sharp as it is silly.

In "The Thought Machine," a lonely professor keeps an ancient device alive, using it to conjure matter from thought for visiting space travelers—until his own boredom threatens to erase everything he’s created. A whimsical sci-fi tale with a quiet, melancholy edge, it explores the weight of imagination and the cost of endless possibility.