Puck — December 3, 1879 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK, 627 SCIENCE AND JURIES. UR most unfortunate sister-state of Con- necticut has been greatly exercised of late by a series of murder trials in which the testimony of the most learned experts in science have been required. Microscopes and all other appliances of science have been brought to bear upon the unfortunate Jury, millionths of the infinitesimal have been shot at them in broadsides. They have been pelted with particles which they were told were the crystalized poison. Their brains have been distracted by the rival theories of the best savants whom the prosecution or the defence could bring to bear upon the subject; and, being honest Jurors, they were bound to believe all they heard under oath. Juries are required to find a verdict accord- ing to the evidence. Under this latter day style of trial we cannot expect any verdict except one of the “Jack Bunsby” sort—“If so, wheerby, then wheerfoor.” ‘The average Juror of the period is not edu- cated in the science of blood moluscules, he is not familiar with the stomach preserved in spirits ina glass jar. Although he may like a deviled kidney before he retires to his virtuous couch, he has a very vague and confused notion of the kidney when it is dished up before him as evidence in the court room, In fact, the average Juryman, under the manipulations of the learned lawyers of the period is apt to be confused. Great com- plaint has been made that the Jurors have been objected to because they had read newspaper accounts of the crime upon which they were called to adjudicate, but with the intrusion of science into our court rooms it would seem that Jurors should be drawn upon another theory, Instead of demanding they should know so little we should now rather demand that they should know too much. They should be matriculated in all the sciences; the micro- scope should be their familiar; their pockets should be full of all the pretty appliances of chemistry, and their heads full of all the inter- minable figures which range in mathematics from the pons asinorum to the latest estimated distance of the latest discovered comet. When this hoped-for day arrives we shall ex- pect to hear the Juryman of the period ques- tioning the savant upon the witness-stand; and between the two of them, it is to be hoped, science will be greatly benefited. Although we think Justice will be the loser. And so, hereafter, let not Alma Mater be content with her school of classics, theology, medicine,‘or law, let her also have her school of Jurors. Under the present system of trials in court a scientific school for Jurors is urgently required. curt HROAT BUSINESS IN WALL STREET. X URING the past few weeks the very lively scenes which were enacted on the streets during war-times have been in a degree revived. In fact, the splendors of those exciting times of Grant's first term, when Black Friday threw its heavy pall over fortune and character, seem to have come upon us once again. The looker-on in Broad and Wall streets sees hundreds of well-groomed, fincly-dressed young men rushing pell-mell hither and thither, apparently up to their eyes in business. But upon their faces, except on rare occasions, you see none of that haggard, desperate expression which may be met with among business men of a quieter and more legitimate sort. ‘They, and the greater chiefs with whom they are associated, may lose a fortune to-day; but it’s all in the family—they'll win it back again to-morrow. The man who suffers in Wall Street is not the jolly operator who is native and to the manner born, but the outsider who with- draws his means from their safe investment and goes upon “the street” to get rich in a day. The terrible number of victims who are led to the slaughter by the temptations offered by “puts and calls” demands that there should be a source from whence the supply can be re- plenished; fortunately, the supply comes from all quarters, The clerk who has not as yet degenerated to Keno and Faro can enter into “some scheme ”’ with the absolute certainty of losing in it; the millionaire widow can put her funds in the hands of her broker with instruc- tions to look out for a rise or fall, and may lay the comforting assurance to her heart that whatever rises, she'll fall in the general crash, Whatever homes are wrecked in Wall Street public mention is not generally made of the facts in the prominent pages of our morning papers; and so the juggernaut of speculation goes gladly crushing on. Puck has done all he possibly can in regard to the sub-rosa licensing of gambling houses; all he can to show up all sorts of “gambling schemes,” “square games” or “skin games,” and “policy shops,” and has done his best to the “Lottery” mania of the day; but all these have done less injury to the business of the country than the terrible swoops of specu- lation which come down over Wall Street at times, ending in crashes which seem for a while to paralyze the entire business community. As in all gambling schemes, the banker is never the loser, The bank may be broken to- day, but it re-opens to-morrow. ‘The player is always the loser; he may break the bank to-day, but the cold cry of the croupier sooner or later will lure him on to his destruction, Heretofore the parties in operation in Wall Street have been facetiously termed “Bulls and Bears,” while the great third party, which offer themselves up to be operated upon, have not been deemed worthy even of a name; but now, at last, they have risen to the dignity of a title: they are the ‘‘Lambs.” Let all the Lambs who think they can do battle with wild Bulls and Bears go down to Wall Street; let those Lambs who think the contest is unequal stay within their folds. THE CLERICUS. ‘THOUGH passing for common folks’ betters Some pious D. D.’s are so mean Their end will be lower case letters; Two d’s with a dash in between. Stowcus. PROF. PROCTOR PREDICTS A STAR SHOWER ABOUT ‘THIS TIME. — “A Starry Nicut For A RAMBLE,” FITZNOODLE IN AMERICA. No, CXI, THE SEVENTH REGI- MENT PAIR.—IL, Ya-as, the extwa- ordinarwy mili- tarwy fai-ah am cwedibly in- formed, almost ovah and a consid- erwable sum has been waised towards paying the, expenses of the erwection of the armorwy™ stwucture, I was constwained to visit the fai-ah on severwal occasions, and have had comparwa- tively a glorwious opportunity of observing the aw mannah in which these aw things are conducted, so that I feel bwimful of infawma- tion, and can make weflections therewon, ac- cordingly, faw the benefit of fewchah generwa- tions who may take an interwest in the aw subject. The first thing which stwikes a stwange-ah on enterwing the aw building is the guard- woom on the aw left, which pwesents a verwy odd appearwance fwom the fact of there being a scwaggy youngstah with a wifle and fixed bayonet wanderwing up and down to pwevent visitahs wunning away with severwal othah wifles and bayonets—piled up as a sort of chevaux-de-fwise—the individual weapons be- longing to othah membahs of the guard, the whole of whom have to put up with the fwightful exposure of sleeping undah canvas tents with blankets and wugs in a woom with Bwussels carpet on the flo-ah. Then there is anothah feachah of the fai-ah which I cannot say I admire, I wefer to the aw young female cweatures who dwess themselves up in fancy wobes and parwaphernalia wepwesenting Zingarwi, scwip- tural Webeckahs and othah Orwiental charwac- tahs and wun about pwessing visitahs to wite their names on waffle lists for the purpose of dwawing in a lotterwy differwent arwangements —at a certain pwice per ticket—fwom an aw widiculous needle to an anchor, I don’t think it is particularly good form faw a well-bwed aw wespectable young gyutls to make such a public exhibition of their charms in fancy dwesses. Nor do Jack and I altogethah appwove of young women, even without the addition of decorwated picturwesque dwesses, selling things to tag-wag and bobtail faw the benefit of the fai-ah fwom behind the stalls. Miss Marguerwite wouldn't dweam of doing such a thing. An affai-ah of the kind faw charwitable con- twibutions towards the erwection of a church, where everwy visitah is a fwiend of a special weligious body, and may consequently have some sort of wespectability about him, may pass mustah tolerwably well. Besides aw, an Amerwican curwate may often succeed in finding somebody to marwy among the females in a church b-b-bazaar. But in this semi-militarwy volunte-ah armo. Seventh Wegiment concern, where all and sun- dwy can entah and have the pwivilege of ad- dwessing any gyurl they may be attwacted to, who may happen to be quartahed behind the aw countahs, is in my pwivate opinion not at all _desirwable nor altogethah wespectable, It is verwy wemarkable the numbah of odd things which are being waffled faw—houses, wifles, carwiages and jewelwy. And I believe they are also going to twy to make up a lotter- wy fora wivah and a considerwable town in the north-western wegion of Amerwica, But, on the whole, the Seventh Wegiment Fai-ah wasn’t/so verwy bad aw, comicbooks.com