Puck — June 4, 1879 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

(Born MAY 28TH, 1779.) FROM A HIBERNIAN POINT OF VIEW. H, then, Scotland has half-crazy turns, When she cocks up her bonnet for Burns, By my soul, and I think he's poor stuff; And as for that gentleman Scott, With his castles and chiefs and what not, Just one page of his book is enough, And there's something mightily queer In Milton, Pope and Shakspere; They're English, ma’am—that is the reason; If you tried, ma’am, to read them, you'd fail, The same is God's truth, I'll go bail, And, sure, if you could, ’twould be treason, But, luck to you, ma'am, there's ‘l’om Moore, “Twas elegant songs he sang, sure, And all of them rhyming so neatly; The Briens, the Caseys, the Gradies, The very tiptopsomest ladies, Were kilt with their beauty completely. For the very best place on the earth For shoemaking, drinking and mirth, Is Ireland—God help her to show it! And for singing of ladies and wine, And everything else that’s divine, Tom Moore is the broth of a poet. Refore the saints sent him along, ‘The world was just dead for a song; Arrah! who could sing Milton or Pope? But their failings is none in my way, It's the black word I never would say, Now it's better they’re doing, we hope. But when Burns and the fine Mister Scott, Mr. Shakspere and Pope are forgot, And Milton puts men in a passion, Tom Moore, with his elegant style, The hearts of the world will beguile, And just set the height of the fashion. One hundred birthdays he has had: I wish him ten thousand, by dad! And ten thousand more when they're done. There's Tom Moore and the shamrock so green! A toast worth the best of potteen, And good luck to us, every one! BEWARE! L EEP wakeful eye and ear, my friend, For all mankind; Thou canst not know nor tell, my friend, ‘What lurks bebind ‘The flattering speech, the gracious smile— How little truth, how much of guile, Is hid within the heart the while. Beware! I. Remember, e’en thyself, my friend, Hast crafty grow: Consider how Deceit, my friend, Enst deeply sown Within thy breast, slow fed upon Its kindlier nature, until won The victory o'er thy peace undone, Beware! ql. Ab, Life's a losing game, my friend, A taunting blank— When Love itself is tricked, my friend, By wealth and rank; Take counsel of thy wit, and seck No favors that thy feelings pique— Of both the fawning and the meek Beware! Iv. ‘Trust him who makes thee pay, my friend, ‘And squarely, too, For all he grants; ‘tis he, my friend, Alone that’s true. He hath no subterfuge, no plan To cheat or cozen; such a man ‘Thou canst respect, and waive this ban: “Beware!” Erratic Enrique. REMARKABLE, is it not, that railroad acci- dents are not more numerous, when every road in the country employs along its line men who are always flagging in their duty ? FITZNOODLE IN AMERICA. No. XCI, ‘TRIBULATION, Ya-as, it’s a verwy fine featchah in a fellaw’s charwactah when he has the fwankness to admit that he has aw done wong or made a blasted a-a-ass_ of himself. It takes away a consider- wable portion of the disweputable ideah of the aw cwime. Don’t mean to say, ye know, that my va- garwies were so eccentwic or outwageous that it was necessarwy that I be twied befaw a jurwy just as pwisonah fellaws are twied, and aw sometimes sentenced to be twansported; but, ‘pon my soul, my wecent behavior in the pwesence of Miss Marguerwite was doosid bad form aw, almost appwoaching a verwy inferwiah descwiption of vulgarwity. Ya-as, I acted verwy much like a snob of the purwest and un- adulterwated type. Aw of course I wefer to my pwesenting my- self at Miss Marguerwite’s wesidence aftah I had dined and had imbibed extensively fwom sundwy bottles of sherwy and Gwaves. 1 am not desirwous of making any widiculous excuses, but befaw welating what passed be- tween Miss Marguerwite and myself aftah the unfortunate occurwence, though at the wisk of wanderwing fwom my subject, I wish to make a wemark or two about that’ dinnah at the Bwevoort and the fellaws thereat. Aw, ye see, I had to invite these fellaws in weturn for some twifling attentions shown to Jack and me, and I felt wewarded as I saw these Amerwicans appweciate my apparwently hearty wecognition of their aw courtesy. Always twy to be as affable and cordial as possible to my inferwiahs, Awfully good form, ye know, pwovided you don’t let them imagine you're patwonizing them, although you may do so in weality, But in this countwy it’s a dwead- fully difficult thing to do this patwonizing bus- iness naturwally. An Amerwican fellaw, when he has a gweat deal of money, nevah gives you an opportunity of allowing the fact to vanish fwom your me- morwy. He's so awfully fwightened that he would lose my wespect if I thought he was a man of only moderwate means, and conse- quently he invarwiably wefers to his wonder- fully gwand possessions, his horses or his yacht, his guns, his dogs, his bwown-stone-fwont house, and his place in the countwy, if he has one. But 1 am weally wanderwing away, and, 00 mistake, particularly when I started to wite about gweat twibulations, law wote to Miss Marguerwite a very apolo- getic note and asked her if she would gwa- ciously gwant me an interview. She wesponded favorably, and I called on her one morning, feeling aw just a twifle sheep- ish, as any fellaw would have been undah simi- lah distwessing circumstances, She weceived me in a dignified mannah, but I don’t think I evah saw her looking so awfully pwetty. Her voice was aw kind in tone, and altogethah the weceptioa was differwent fwom what I expected. Am quite sure no Fitznoodle faw the last seven or eight centurwies evah— well, feltso heartily ashamed of himself, faw it is aftah all terwibly degwading faw a gentleman to get even halfdwunk. Snobs and cads may do it, but not Fitznoodles. I was the bearwah of an invitation fwom Jack to Miss Marguerwite to accompany us on the Coaching Parwade—Jack dwiving, ye know. She accepted, and I shall have some- thing maw to say about this arwangement here- wafter aw. Broapway at six o'clock P. M. presents @ brilliant vista to the man who will stand in the middle of the street and watch the dying sun- rays shimmering on the 11,972,821 brass but- | tons that ornament the backs of the home-re- turning shop-girls.