Puck — May 7, 1879 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK, Jones packs up, preparatory to going West in search of a fortune. Imagines his friend takes him West by the Air Line. The night beforefstarting he dreams a dream. Suddenly his treacherous friend let go!—and he feels himself dropping, dropping through space, black with mosquitoes— VENGEANCE. 133 MosourToEs: LAWO 15 SELLING ‘Thinks his new acquaintance takes him and shows him a grand chance for colossal fortune. When he is opportunely rescued by Mrs. Jones, who exclaims: “What in gracious are you rolling out of bed for, Stoopid?” PHELAN THE PHONETIC. M's PHELAN. kept a, saloon on a Houston Street corner, and, as his ™ liquors were strong, and his slate large enough to accommodate the names of nearly all the statesmen in that jimmycratic strong- hold, it goes almost without saying that he soon attained one of the public offices in the gift of Boss Kelly, and is now a right Honorable, with a light, a. ye mind. Now, Mike’s un- doubted “ inflooince in the deestrict " requires that he shall be tolerated among some of the more “tony” sachems, who are compelled to invite to their tables a man whom, politics aside, they would dismiss as too clumsy for a waiter, and too ugly for a coachman. In truth, though Phelan’s ability at working a primary has never been questioned, the fact is that he never received even a primary education. Mike and Mrs. P. were guests at a petit souper given by Judge R—— on the eve of his depar- ture for Europe, last Wednesday. ‘There were but seven couples around the table, and any solecism he might have committed would have been quickly noted; but he succeeded in dis- patching a huge meal without doing anything very “off-color.” To be sure, cleaning his nails with a toothpick, and wiping his mouth on the table-cloth, were acts that in other company might have called for comment, but every one knows that they are quite in accordance with the precedents and traditions of Tammany banquets, During the evening Mike played “cut-throat” euchre with Commodore G, and General S.,in one corner, and discreetly refrained from enter- ing into the general conversation, until almost midnight, when one of his partners retired from the table and approached his wife with: “Don't you think we had better be going, Mrs. G.?” ‘And lawyer Robinsang, who looked very sleepy, chimed in: “ Isn’t it better for us to be leaving, Mrs. R.?” Then Phelan, who had taken it all in, took up the cue, and, mudging his wife, said, in a loud voice: ** Hadn't) we better be after takin’ our departure, Mrs. 4.2" and never knew why everybody was seized with such a violent fit of coughing. L'ASSOMMOIR, as published by Peterson is a good English novel “ L’Assommoi Brothers, Philadelphi: in some respects, and infernally bad in others.-| Mr. Zola, who wrote it, is a very excellent man; but his goodness, to judge from his experiences | as given in this novel of his, is entirely due to the unaccountable leniency of a beneficent Providence. The story relates the adventures of a grisette who was happy so long as she didn’t marry and ought to, and was unhappy ever after she did marry and oughtn’t to, Her husband was a teetotaler until one day he fell from a roof and broke his leg, when, finding probably that teetotalism didn’t pay, he took to drink. So did his wife, and the drink they took to was brandy—of the kind supplied by “'Assommoir,” which, being translated, means “a Captain Williams’s Smasher.” The one—- the husband—died in D, T’s—and the other shoved off this mortal coil in a similarly D. T. telerious manner. RHYMES OF THE DAY. CAPITAL AND LABOR. A sew-sew young girl, so to speak, Made shirts for a boss with a cheek; Her fingers so nimbly Were used and so thimbly, She made two-and-six-pence a week. DESERVED. An imbecile duffer in C. rning Quotationized night, noon and morning In thuswise: ‘‘ What, never ?”” And then: “ Hardly ever.” We killed him. Let others take warning. A NIL-FAVORED PUN, ‘Tue Czar has got frightened a bit On reading up Latin, to wit: The Nihilists bold Were fighters of old;— 'Tis written, the first “ Wihi/ fit.” Stowcus. * REFORM. Now the moderate drinker expere- Tences a terrible shock _ When, in place of his mild lager beer, He imbibes of the species called bock. M. W. B. comicbooks.com