Puck — February 19, 1879 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. : A BARBERY SONG. Iv she would only comb with me, Soap proper is my love, I'd razor to a wife's degree— My hone! my tuitle dove! Our home of lather brick shall be: How fine tooth think of! 1 Will make her hair, but towel she Survive it, if I dye? Should I curl up and cut this life, Her tears she'd brush with care, And, being chaste as scissors wife, Hirsute of black she'd wear. Stocus. SPEECH OF HON. ESAU BULLIGATOR ON NEGRO VOTERS (in the Rotunda of the Capitol, at Washington). Mr, President: As my distinguished and honorable friend, the Senator from Maine (Mr. Blaine), has sounded the bugle note for thecam- ign of 1880, I may be permitted to second im and say that negro-voting must be abol- ished if the negro is going to vote the Demo- cratic ticket, Have we tried all things and suffered all things for this? Shall we cry fax vobiscum when there is no peace? We formerly spoke of them as the colored men,: now we call them negroes. And wherefore? a timid Republican will inquire. A stalwart radical need not ask. Names are indexes of thought. The State of Georgia sends to the House of Repeceentat res ten members, all Democrats. BG follows, therefore, that the two or three hun- dred thousand negro voters are not represented atall. It is true that Massachusetts sends ten Republicans and one Democrat, so that it takes ten times as many Democrats to send only one representative as it does Republicans, But Massachusetts and Georgia are two dif- ferent States. They are on different lines of latitude, One is northern, the other southern, Though the large minority of the Democrats in Massachusetts have only one representative in the National House of Representatives, yet in Georgia the large minority of negro voters have none at all. Fiat justitia, though the bank breaks! We gave the poor negro suffrage in order that he might support the Republican party in regions where it is disreputable for the white man to vote for us. Expecting forty acres and a mule, he did at first rally to us. It will take a writ of ad caplandum vulgus to make him do it now. Before the war three- fifths of the negro race were represented. We added the vulgar fraction of two-fifths and al- lowed all of him to vote, and now he flops over to the infernal Democrats, and says his interests are the same as theirs. ‘The only re- medy is the heroic one— destroy all the Demo- crats! ‘Take them in puris naturalibus and then exterminate them! This is severe, but bold and masterly. The United States were erected expressly for the Republicans. Destiny shows it. They have called me a carpet-bagger because I was poor and not able to buy a trunk when I went south, Great heavens! has it come to this? Is it, 1 ask with bated breath, a crime to be poor? Horny-handed sons of ‘oil, hear ye! Oh, my country! my country! has it in- deed come to this that a man must be stigma- tized as a carpet-bagger because he ain't able to buy a sole-leather trunk? What ho, without there! Where is the goddess of liberty slum- bering, I say, that he must endure all this? Come, Antony and young Octavius, come. Let us gather the drapery of our couch about us, and if we must fall, die, like J. Cesar of Rome, game to the last. We euchred the Democrats in 1876, though they held all the trumps, be- cause we held the little joker, the Senate, But what of the night, watchman on the ramparts! when, after the 4th of March, 1879, the Demo- crats occupy both ends of the Capitol? Hah! methinks all is not lost if the colored man, who is naturally, a Republican, can be made to see the error of his ways and change from being a Democratic nigger to a good colored Republi- can, Otherwise we must amend the Constitu- tion, Senator Windom, in his wisdom, has pro- posed to scatter the negro—I mean the colored man—and send him to weak Republican dis- tricts in Indiana and Ohio,so that he may help to support the Constitution and the Republican party in those districts. ‘Tis well. Truth squelched to earth must rise again, even if she has to get up jn the middle of the night. In the big lexicon of youth,there is no such word as fail, I warn my Republican friends at the other end of the Capitol that they must be up and doing, for 1880 draweth nigh, and they need expect no help from the Man at the White House. The returning boards are in the hands of the enemy. I have asked him for an office, and as I had nothing to do with the re- turning boards that elected him, he gave me only smiles and soft words. ‘Hah! villain,” I said in mee heart, ‘ the finger of fate writes upon the wall of your banquet hall and you see it not." He did not even invite me to dinner, as he did poor Bristow while he was passing over the black silk gown of the Supreme Court to Mr. Justice Harlan, I am a poor carpet- bagger, am I?—and they'don’t need ws now. Oh, ye immortal gods! I'll buy a trunk, and then see if the Man at the White House will give me an office. Then, if not, I'll make Rome howl though it do blast me. And yet this man can dine with Wade Hampton, who stands upon a different footing now, however, since the mule kicked him into the United States Senate, and he has one foot in the grave. [Cheers.] As I see that my time is nearly up, I will only say, in conclusion, let the great American eagle soar from his nest by the white sea-foam or from his eyrie in the far Rocky Mountains inaccessible where the rocking pines of the forest roar, but as for Esau Butticator, the poor man’s friend and the champion of op- pressed labor everywhere—give him liberty or let him fall midst the crumbling pillars of the Republic, and 'scribe upon his obelisk only these deathless words: ‘‘ When his country had no longer need for his services, he died for it, Requiescat in pace.” P. S.—I'm for Grant for next President, and a strong government that will compel the nig- gers (1 mean ‘the colored people) to vote the Republican ticket. Otherwise the country is lost. £ pluribus unum and Honi sott gui mal y pense, We have known highly respectable parties achieve a degree of inebriation incapacitating them from distinguishing the difference between a brewery and a nail factory. ‘Tuere is a unique charm about an ‘ in- formal” reunion at the Palette Club which no other institution of the kind can ever hope to acquire. Reception committees there have some regard for people's feelings, and do not obtrade themselves on strange guests invited by the officers of the club, but permit them to enter and meander about the establishment, up- stairs and down-stairs and in my lady’s cham- ber, according to their own sweet will. Besides, the system has the advantage of not over- crowding the building, for the strange invited gus usually very “‘ informally” slips off about ve minutes after his arrival a much wiser man. FIAT WISDOM, FROM OTTAWA, KANSAS. Beecuer thought that he would raze hell; and he did raise it. Take good care of your minutes; ours will take care of themselves. A soy may be “slower thana turtle,” and yet catch a whipping very frequently. Paota claims to have a man by the name of Stocking, who is 118 years old. It’s a darned yarn, PREFERRED creditors are those who do not dun. Common creditors are those who are “done.” “A FRIEND in need is a friend indeed.” But a friend in need generally has all he can do to take care of himself. ‘Tue melancholy days have come, of all the days most sad, when they sit about the stove and spit and make the grocer mad. One little mouse at an evening party will give an observant man more information relative to striped stockings than all the muddy crossings in Ottawa. I sxoutp like to see a tornado come along some day when the book-agents are all together, blowing about their sales. What an astonished tornado that would be! “MeN are what women make them,” is the title of a new book. If that's the case, I'll bet a post-office that there are women who feel as the Lord did in Gen. vi: 6, Mr. AND Mrs, Vessets, of Washington, have applied for a divorce. All at sca in domestic matters, we suppose.— WV. ¥. Commercial Adv. Undoubtedly they had too many spars. Tuere’s one thing about exterminating a family of skunks; after you have killed one you might just as well keep on and finish the lot-— an ounce of this kind of smell is as bad asa hundred thousand pounds, Ir’s customary in China to drown female infants. Apparently a cruel custom, but a man can occasionally go to a church-fair down there and not be obliged to “ take chances” in every blessed thing that can be imagined. A man over on Cedar Street has just cut his foot nearly in two, trying to split up an armful of wood. If women will shirk work in this manner, I don’t pity ’em any if they do have to bounce around and hunt up old shirts with which to make bandages. In’s funny! but a soft-palmed woman can pass a hot pie-plate to her neighbor at the table, with a smile as sweet as distiiled honey, while a man, with a hand as horny as a croco- dile’s back, will drop it to the floor and howl around like a Sioux Indian at a scalp-dance. Wuen Colfax married pretty Nellie Wade, years ago, it was Noble Prentis who went about among his acquaintances, asking: ‘Since Col- fax had Nellie Wade, why does he not have her uncle weighed alsu?” And when they would all give it up, he would answer: “ Because he’s Ben Wade.” Exuis M. CLarkg. comicbooks.com