Puck — February 19, 1879 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. MY PIPE. ITH heavy heart, and spirits low, ‘And dark a face, and stern a brow ‘As any friar, I seek my room, my easy chair, My slippers, (ah! no fancy pair Of wool-work, wrought by fingers fair,) My humble briar. I cannot find my pipe, and—well i mutter words one mustn’t spell— It’s too ba‘, this is. ‘AbI found at last—a light, a whiff, ‘And that has saved me from a tiff With Miss or Missis, I watch the smoke, a wreathy cloud, ‘And soon I soar above a crowd Of earthly troubles; ‘The commoner pipe, the better fare, A meerschaum must be smoked with care, A really good chibouque is rare, ‘A hookah bubbles. I watch the fleecy cloud, and soon ‘Am off to Spain, or in the moon, Ab! reader, what age Are you? Young? Then I'll confess My dream is one of happiness, And in a cottage! A rustic cot, embowered 'mid elms, And bright with flowers as are the realms Of fairy story; A summer runlet trickles by, We wander there, the One and I, ‘And watch the grand old painter die In crimson glory. She murmurs, ‘* You must make a Name.” I seek the Bar, and rise to Fame, Become Chief Justice! I feel the coming man has come; T think how true the axiom, “« What must be, must,” is. I wake my lyre to noblest themes, I weave a poet's perfect dreams, ‘The nations listen; I sing of Love, and Sorrow dies, Of Grief, and many a pair of eyes With tear-drops glisten. Among the elected few with pride I sit: the leader of a side Attacks me, and is glad to hide His head diminished; I—ah! my dreams dissolve in air, And Iam back to facts and care— My pipe is finished! ARTHUR HosTAce. FITZNOODLE IN AMERICA. : LXXVI, IGNORANT AMERI- CANS AND MISS MARGUERITE'S BROTHER. Ya-as, I weally think unless I do something desper- wate, or thrwow my- self away, or marwy an Amerwican girl, Ishall be unable to wemain aw verwy much longer in this countwy. Some Amerwicans of verwy limited compwe- hension, and who are widiculously pwejudiced against everwything that is corwect and Bwi- tish, will, I dessay, wejoice when they he-ah that Jack and I are going to weturn to Eur- wope; but we shall not hurwy away on that ac- count. Besides, I don’t care to encourwage in their pwejudices the very inferwiah people who don’t appweciate the extwemely valuable we- marks which I make, at fwequent intervals, for the ameliorwation of the condition of the young Amerwican fellaws who are desirwous of acquirwing the secwet of conducting them- selves in a pwopah mannah, Jack says that those fellaws who object to seeing me in pwint are not bound to wead what I wite, and that the lower classes he-ah—- even some of those apparwently wespectable — always say disagweeable things when their pwide or amour pwopwe is aw t-t-touched by having their horwibly bad form cwiticized. Aw am constwained to speak about these mattahs fwom the peculiar mannahs of Miss Marguewite’s young cub of a bwothah—no we- flections on the sistah, ye know. I warely notice him, but he attwacted my attention irwesistibly recently by seeing him out on a verwy cold day without an over- coat or a wappah of any descwiption. But I observed that he looked suspiciously bwoad about the shoulders, and aw that the twunk of his body was puffed out to a most surpwising degwee. I suppose he had an extwa supply of undershirts and dwawers, He wore an ordi- narwy shooting-coat, although I believe the thermometer was considerwably below zerwo, And yet I believe this youngster was under the impwession that he pwesented an extwemely Bwitish and hardy appearwance. Quite too awfully absurd—although d-doosid complimen- tarwy to an English fellaw. . *Pon my soul, Jack says this aw young’ bwothah is anothah fellaw who is beginning to twy to talk as 1 do, though don’t think he can do that, ye know—aw, aw—nevah aw. GOVERNOR LOW-NECKED LORNE’S OPENING SPEECH. (Specially reported for Puc.) Orrawa, Ontario, Feb. rath. ‘Tue Canadian seven-by-nine quarter-section Parliament was opened to-day. Everybody was low-necked and low-born by order of Lieut. Boss Lyttleton. The usher of the Birch Rod, having lifted Mrs. Lorne into her high chair, and Mr. Lorne into one a little lower, sum- moned the common fellows from the basement kitchen, and then told the Governor to heave ahead—who spoke as follows: My Lords and Gentlemen: It is a very fine day, a little cold—but one mustn't mind a little weather at this time of year. I am so glad that you're glad that I'm glad to see you, so is my mother-in-law, present President of the United English, Scotch, Irish and Welsh States, who has been unusually liberal of late with her sym- pathy and thanks. She has given away several extra barrels full, as you will have learnt by cable. My wife Louise has commenced business in the same line here. She offers five dollars apiece for each individual member of a family of trip- lets, provided they come low-necked in to the world. Papers on this subject will be laid before you by my trusted henchman, Lyttleton. Paris had an exhibition last year. It was very nice, and my brother-in-law Wales had a great deal to do with it. The United States has paid to England a large sum of money—balance due on a fish transaction. This is also very nice for Canada, who'll get some of it. I want you to do a lot of things about railways. I don’t know that I can helo you much in these matters, but for my wonderfully noble mother-in-law's sake I like to keep up the fiction that the whole British Empire is her personal property and that Town this particular part of it. By the way, there are several railways in the world. There's one from London to Edinburgh, and I believe one between New York and Philadelphia, but this lacks confirmation. Common Gentlemen: Canadian finances are not in a very flourishing condition, but I don't care a continental so long as I get my salary. Ihave done. What I have told you is nothin, new, but you can’t hear too much of a good thing. I haven't many ideas of my own, and if I had, my mother-in-law would get her back up if I gave expression to thein, as it would be uncon:titutional, Kinc HAt, after his accession to the throne, gave Falstaff his favorite drink—and yet the old man was not happy! TWO WEEKS IN THE LIFE OF ROSCOE CONKLING. January 21st.—As New York's Senator he was elected Quite unanimouslee. Zi Zt “y lanwode ye February 3rd.—But his Custom House nominations are rejected— And the Roscoe—where is he? comicbooks.com