Puck — January 15, 1879 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PARTED. We sat alone; your little hand Lay on the table by my own; Only a little hand, and yet I cannot, while I live, forget The tremor of profound regret ‘When I saw how your hand had grown, We parted; but your little hand Lay on the table, cold and fair; Wide was the scope its numbers spanned; Three bright-robed queens, serene and bland, ‘Two rampant jacks, a happy band, While I had only’ one small pair, What grief was mine! As one who stares From some bold “bluf’s” high-reaching crest, Old “age” crept on me unawares, I saw the “blind” and felt distressed, I “straddled” down where I might watch The tall red ‘‘chips” sail out to “see.” No “better” there, I could not catch ‘The “pot” that ne’er came back to me. In vain I “raise” my voice, alas! My kindred fail my “call” to see; No “ante” comes, all loved ones “pass,” And naught but “cussin” 's left for me. —Hawkeye Burdette, MARY’S LAMB, Chinese. Was gal named Moll had lamb, Flea all samee whitee snow, Evly place Moll gal walkee, Ba ba hoppee long too. Trish, Begorry, Mary had a little shape, And the wool was white entirely, And wherever Mary would stir her sthumps, ‘The young shape would follow her complately. French, La petite Marie had le june muttong, Zee wool was blanchee as ze snow, And everywhere la belle Marie went, Le june muttong was sure to go. Deutsche. Dot Mary haf got cin leedle shaf; Mit hair yust like some wool, Und all der place dat gal did vent, Dat shaf go like ein fool. In N. H. Registers “Pastepot” uncredited. We met, ‘twas at a charming ball I claimed her for a waltz; I gazed into her lustrous orbs ‘And found that one was false. Those golden ringlets on her brow! I thought 'twas monstrous hard To be denied one, till 1 found She bought them by the yard! I carved her name upon the tree, (Or was it her initial ?) She smiled, and thus revealed a fact— Her teeth were artificial! I praised the rose tint on her cheek, As she leaned upon my breast ; She raised her head—alas, ’twas gone! Transferred unto my vest! My fellow-man! I warn you not To marry a modern belle! For if you should, too late you'll find, She'll prove a perfect sell! —Buffalo Sunday Morning News. PUCK. 13 Sue came full chisel to his arms; It really made him stair To have her make a bolt for him Before he could prepare. He tried to screw his courage up, And did his level best To nail the matter then and there, While clasped unto her breast. Says he: “It augurs well for me, All seems to hinge on this; And what is mortise plane to see, The porch child wants a kis He kissed her lip, he kissed her cheek, He called her his adoored— He drops his-claw hammer next week, And she will share his board. — Yawcob Strauss. Samp Little Johnnie Jones: “It would be amus- ing quite, If cats could speak our language loud and clear, For prob’bly when they gossip on a moony roof at night They say things it would make us laugh to hear.” And little Jennie answered: “Well, possibly they might ‘Talk plainer if they'd only purr-severe!” —The Graphic. Tue President received yesterday. 8 to 7 were the hours.—/%ila, Kronikle-Herald, Ir is so cold in Idaho that the whisky is chopped up into little chunks.—P. /, Man. ‘Tuat hard “g” in Bulgaria has been a dread- ful stumbling-block to the punsters.—Fii/a. Ev. Bulletin, Literary genius and financial ability make as natural a yoke as milk-punch and champagne. —. Y, News, Jit AnpeRson, Mme. Anderson, Mary An- derson. Positive, comparative, paroxysmal.— Rochester Express. A Hartrorp family effectually wards off tramps by having a ton of coal dumped in its front yard.—Danbury News, Grant wanted to tell the Dubliners that he was an Irishman by birth, but he was afraid it would not go down.—Boston Post, We would not wish Eli Perkins dead, but we would like to hear that he had commenced to light his fires with kerosene.— Danbury News. Our boy came to us the other day and asked us for a handful of gold, as he was informed that gold had reached pa’.— Whitehall Times, AytHony Cosstock colors to the roots of his hair, when he meets the naked truth, the reason he won't read Puck.— Zoronto National, Anp now if the milkmen will turn over a new leaf and resolve not to touch water, what a happy year this will be.—Piila, Kronitle- Herald, Some wicked wretch suggests that deacons be compelled to use a bell-punch when they take up collections in the church.— Hackensack Republican, ‘Taumace says they all Dewitt! C?—Puck. Cornet be that the people th’Arbuckle right down to it and toot their own horn?— White- hall Times. A pry-coops clerk of Shelbyville, Ill., has swallowed a .22 cartridge, walks on tiptoe, and is not in demand at balls as a partner.—Pail/a. Evg. Bulletin. Tuere are people in New York who imagine that their descent from some old Knickerbocker who kept a vegetable stall makes them the cream of society.—Free Press. g Don’t venture on the thin ice, just yet, boys. If you should break through you might take a bad cold, and perhaps have a coffin fit. —New Haven Register, We suppose it will be several years yet before we cease reading about the arrival of some mem- bers of the Potter Investigating Committee at New Orleans.— Cin, Sat. Night. “Tem twins look as much alike as a pair of suspenders,” remarked a friend to a husband who had experienced a surprise party a few weeks since.— Wheeling Leader. Tue Annual of Phrenology and Health has an article entitled “Treatment of the Drowned,” which, strange to say, does not once refer to burying them.—Oil City Derrick. Owinc to the extreme cold weather, it is ex- pected that next year’s crop of New Jersey mosquitos will be born with fur collars around their necks.— Fila. Kronikle- Herald, Some of our State exchanges have resumed. One of them says that a man, who was skating backward, fell in the water, and was scalded so that his skin pecled off. — Pittsburgh Telegraph. A WuiTeHAaLt justice sentenced a man who stole a penny to the penny-tentiary.— Zimes, And a man in Bradford who made a false note was sentenced to Sing-Sing.—Bradford Breeze. Mrs. Martua Jones, of Indiana, is the proudest mother in the land to-day. Her son Daniel has just succeeded in eating thirty quails in thirty consecutive days.— Oil Ciiy Derrick, WENDELL Puities expresses his opinion that “General Butler will never be fully estimated in his lifetime.” Then, for mercy’s sake, hasten the time when he can be estimated.—Dandury News. Ir you read the papers closely you will dis- cover that those cities which have the least money for charity are contributing the most for next year’s base-ball clubs.—Desroit Free Press, ‘Tie poorest men are not without friends. A resident of Washington was escorted to the almshouse by sixteen faithful dogs. They gave him one paw-fer dog to remember them by.— Phila, Bulletin. Wnite the thermometer was down in the nine hole below zero last Wednesday morning, Charles Francis Adams was wearing a cabbage leaf in his hat to prevent sunstroke.—S¢, Louis Times-Fournal, Wuite a Massachusetts man was on his knees praying, his insane wife killed him. ‘The idea that he was wearing out his pants at the knees was more than her brain could stand.—Fii/a, Kronikle-Herald. America is exporting lager to Germany. After that almost anything may be expected. Does the gentleman who presides over the place which Bob Ingersoll says doesn’t exist, want to buy some brimstone ?— Buffalo Express. “Cot. INGERSOLL has a new lecture on Job.” Job had a national reputation for Patience— with a big P—but he never ‘‘had a lecture on him.” He had scarcely anything on him but boils, and they are not as aggravating as a lec- ture.—Aorristown Herald, ‘Tuere are times when the formality of an introduction can be dispensed with. One of these times is when you meet two young ladies who have tipped over intoa snow bank and afi. unable to extricate themselves or turn thi cutter right side up.—Rome Sentinel, Tue Moffat bell-punch in Virginia, of which so much was expected, has proved a failure. It registered the drinks all right for a time, but finally let down, Surrounded as it was con- tinually by evil associations, no wonder it be- come demoralized. It probably took to drink, itself.— Cin, Sat, Night. comicbooks.com