Puck — December 4, 1878 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

meee A LEGEND OF COKKI BEN-BUTLAH, From the Arabic of Tuzw.Gum-Bos. May the dust of his corpus forever increase! During life had a vision, in which, it is said, He imagined himself to be burned and dead, ‘And, crossing the river of Death, his soul Spied Paradise, high on a neighboring knoll Of land, to the West. And, coming straight— Ben, or his soul—to the Heavenly Gate, Cried unto Peter: “Pray, open for me!” «Nay! nay!” said the Saint, ‘that may not be, Hades, friend, is the place for thee!” Said Butlah—and heaved, as he spoke, a sigh— Dear Peter, ‘tis true I have done wickedly Sometimes, but nevertheless one eye For the Truth, the Right, and Honesty, Thave always kept.” See pera ce he in peace? Said the Saint: “Tis true, But alas! “twas the crooked eye which you Used in regarding Truth and the Right, While the other and straighter orb of sight Saw that your purse’s strings were tight; Nay! Cokki-Ben, as I said before, You can never enter at this door; Take the broad-guage road to your left—farewell! It will lead you straight to the gate of thingamy."’ Arrived at Hades, Butlah stood Waiting for one of the Brotherhood, ‘And viewing at length the familiar grin Of Satan, remarked: “Old boy, let me in.” «I would,” said the fiend, “ but, on my oath, I doubt if the place would hold us both.”” Sighed Ben to himself: «Tis as plain as euchre ‘That Nick is in want of the filth called lucre.”” Then aloud cried he, as he held up a roll Ofgreenbacks: “Old man, I will pay this toll.’” But the Devil replied, as be winked one eye: What good will they be in this heat bye and bye? No paper used here—or any such sell— Fork out Those Spoons, and be welcome in h—1.’* Jaues R. Caurazze. GALLIC GUMDROPS. FLAVORED TO SUIT AMERICAN TASTE. At Newport.—Scene: Hotel Ball-room.— “My dear Miss Jones, since you haven't a dance left for me to-night, at least you'll per- mit me to be your partner when you go to the bath to-morrow?” “AND you are really going to marry again, after losing that dear husband of yours—and you so young and pretty yet/"” “My love, it’s simply out of respect for the memory of the late. This is a scandalous world!” Tuey bounced him literally and figuratively, starting him down two flights of stairs. “Well,” murmured he, resignedly, “ p'raps it’s just as well. 1 was goin’ down, anyway.” “Lucxiyst man I ever knew—everything succeeded with him. He had only to say what he wanted, and he got it. Why, confound it, I was walking with him one day—the very last day of his life, and he said to me: ‘When I die, I want to die suddenly.’ Got run over tba Ane night, by hokey! Ever see such juck ?”” '* ** Hades” is more elegant than “‘b—I," but does not rh; quite s0 solidly to ** sell.” sheet Ar THE Srastpg.—Affable Boarding-House-| ‘Tue prisoner was found guilty, and sentenced Keeper to Prospective Tenant.—Just look at the view of the beach, sir. Why, from this window here you can see yourself bathing. A REMINISCENCE OF THE WAR.—Officer, en- tering the non-combatant's quarters: ‘‘ Nothing the matter, gentlemen; it was only a false alarm—some loose cartridges. exploded, that’s all.” Aggrieved newspaper correspondent: “Dam- mit! and I’d gone and made a battle of it!” Fitz-Apotruus Jones is a young man of free manners. He took the liberty the other day, of telling his pretty cousin Leila, in the presence of her awful mama, that she was “a pearl of a girl.” To which the mama responded with dignity: “You forget, sir, that you are addressing the child of my bosom!” Viewed from that point, it was a sort of a half-shell compliment. Tue Old Gentleman of Neglected Education asked his son, who had just brought home a prize for geography from the Apollo Academy: “What does G-U-L-P-H mean, Jimmy ?' “Tisn't G-U-L-P-H, papa, it’s G-U-L-F.” “Well, then, what does G-U-L-F mean, Jimmy?" “I don’t know.” Tuey do say that Tom Taylor, the editor of the London funch,-was on board a yacht in the Mediterranean, when, a heavy squall arising, the captain ordered all his passengers to throw over their heaviest luggage. Taylor hoisted overboard all his copy for the next number of “The London Charivari,” and in five minutes the boat drew half-a-foot less water, and rode safely into port inside of an hour. “Dipy’r L tell you to call me at six o'clock this morning? Why did you disobey me, Jo- seph?” “Tf you please, sir, I was afraid you wouldn't like it. You were asleep.” In THE GrEENROoM.—“ Public, sir, Public! Talk to me about your Public! No more ap- preciation than a lot of cabbages. Why, damme, sir, I played Hamlet on the Southern Circuit for twenty consecutive nights, and what do you think the Public did?” “ Hissed 2” “Yes, sir, just that. Hissed Shakspere, by Jove!” He gave ten cents to the hack-driver, after driving three hours and a half in the rain. That driver did not cuss, he did not swear, He only looked sympathetically at his fare, and said: “I'm very sorry!"" “Sorry for what?” * “Sorry to see you so hard up as all this. Now, don’t take it so to heart, I'm not re- proaching you, you know—far from it. Here, just let me make you a loan of this dollar— don’t hurry yourself—pay it back when you feel easier—you’ve got my number. First Musician: The best of Auber’s works, sir, is the double-six. Sgconp Ditro: The double-six, First Musician: Yes, the Domino Noir. Some Indian tribes file their teeth, That is because they are ignorant uneducated savages; when a civilized man wants to get his teeth on edge, he sucks a lemon, to twenty years, at hard labor. The Judge asked him if he had anything to say for him- self, “No,” he answered, sadly; “this verdict has quite upset me.”” ‘What! you didn’t think you were going to be acquitted?” “‘No—but, really, the case was such a com- plicated one, so mixed up, you know, that I rather expected the tribunal would declare itself incompetent.” HE was a grave man, of philosophic air, and he was intently regarding a lively fight between a Bowery heeler and his pal, who had fallen out with cach other, just as birds in their little nests will disagree sometimes. “Do you know that that is an eloquent ar- gument in favor of marriage?” he remarked. “No?” “Yassir, If them two men had wives at home, they wouldn't neither of them be re- dooced to mashin’ a friend. It’s low down, that kinder thing is.” “ Boucut a carriage for yourself? You ex- travagant wretch!" “ Well, now, look here—I had to, See those boots? Observe the holes, I couldn't walk in those things, could 1?” “Roper, take care not to have the supper- room too warm to-night—don’t let the ther- mometer go above thirty-six.” “ But we've eighteen at supper, mum, and that’s only two degrees apiece.” “Ir I was drunk, I sh’d see double. Now I'm dead shober, sure. I don’t see naathin’ tall.” Tue famous Greuze, “ Broken Eggs,” went for twenty-five thousand dollars at the Paris Exposition, : “Gracious goodness!” said Mrs. Smith of Cincinnati, ‘‘ what would Grooze have got for it if them eggs had been whole!” “To say a book is by Thingamy is to re- commend it,” said Brown; “ you may buy it with your eyes shut.’ “And read it the same way,” responded the cruel Jones. A nase and irreclaimable beast of a philos- opher has said: “ Woman is a clock which runs slow after five-and-twenty.” SuE sat at night by the sad sea-waves with her friend, as two college professors passed by. Respect for the learning of the wise men kept the fair ones silent, until one professor, looking up at the solitary star that twinkled in the sky, said: “ Look at Venus—how bright she is this eve- ning.” un Gracious heavens!” she cried; ‘“‘at that dis- tance—he can tell whether it’s a male or fe- male\” Out Huntinc.—‘‘Cross that brook—cross —but—why, I say, Jim—are you sure you can touch bottom ?”” “No! that’s just what I want to find out.” ‘ Brace up, my dear, and try to look some- thing like; there's the Baron passing. Ah! if you'd only let me fetch you one little crack in the small of the back, to bring your shoulders up!” comicbooks.com