Puck — November 6, 1878 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. CHAPLAIN BEECHER. HE. bass-drums yield their basest sound, ‘The trumpets all their brass, ‘As Chaplain Beecher, so renowned, Heads Regimental Ass. The servant-girls rush out to see This reverend rider rare; Who smiles on them and wishes he Could have a gallop there. This man of peace looks rather queer In uniform and sword, And spurred—like other chanticleer That loves his en re Ward. He gives his horse and fancy rein, Nor heeds the loud commands, As he sits holding once again A brid(ejal in his hands, As he dismounts from oft his nag, Whose back cuts like a wedge, A joke comes from this wicked wag About the “ragged edge.” His troubles make him heave a sigh And drop some tears of woe; For though he is a chaplain high, He is a chap lain low. FITZNOODLE IN AMERICA. No, LXIL. HE GOES TO ST. PA- TRICK’S CATHEDRAL FAIR, Ya-as, yer know, Jack Carnegie aw asked me if I'd like to go to a weligious F-f-fair or Bazaar— a place where dif- ferwent descwip- tions of people, all of them Woeman Catholics, sell a most incongwuous assortment of articles to people who don’t want them. ‘This peculiah arwangement is held aw in a wathah large unfinished building, erwected on a Fifth Avenue, verwy white in appearwance, and which severwal fellaws have told me is to be a Cathedwal at some aw future perwiod. Jack and I, and aw two or thrwee Irwish- Amerwican fellaws—aw quite decent—dwove up aw one evening to the establishment. It wasn’t verwy difficult to find, because, yer see, there was an electwic light outside, or something of that charwactah, shining verwy bwightly. The w-ays went up and down, and all wound, and got into a felliw’s eyes, but, howevah, they were'nt verwy twoublesome. We aw passed thrwough some things that go wound and wound and clwick, turn-over stiles, or something of that sort they are called, and got’ into the building which was fwightfully cwowded, and aw it was only after quite con- siderwable exertion, we could manage to cwush thrwough the othah people. ‘The Irwish-American aw fwiends of ours wemarked aw confidentially to me, that-they observed aw severwal ex-cooks and laundwesses that had wesided at differwent perwiods in their families, pwomenading the F-f-fair, and buying things with gweenbacks aw just faw all the world like othah people. Aftah wall, it’s a d-doosid good feature in this aw Wepublic that these aw slaveys have the pwivilege of having a large amount of fwee- dom in this wespect—does verwy well he-ah, but I couldn’t put up with it at home, yer know, that would be quite too awfully beastly to wub shouldahs he-ah, there, and everwy- where with this gwade gf individual. It appeahs that this aw building is cwowded with so many aw individuals for the purpose of securwing severwal hundwed thousands of gweenbacks to make it a pwopahly finished cathedwal, Jack says it is quite a laudable object; and I'm aw inclined to agwee with Jack, for I wa- ther like Woeman Catholics—indeed aw it's quite good form to go ovah to the Womish church. Awsome membahs of my aw family have gone in for this sort of thing, and Bute, Wipon and a lot of othah aw men have aw fol- lowed their example. Besides, yer see, Man- ning and the Norfolk Howards and George | Bowyer and aw I are verwy good fwiends. ‘The fellaws in charge of this fair are not half bad, by Jove. They weceived us with what the Fwench call empwessement, yer know. They pwobably appwove of the society of distinguished forweigners. An Amerwican barwistah, a aw Mulwy— | | anything in the countwy. devilish good fellaw, I should say—pwesented us to the pwincipal dirwectahs. aw Mr. Tweasurwah aw Lynch carwied on a twifling conversation with us. We twied to wander everwywhere about the Fair, but our pwogwess wasn't verwy wapid, be- cause some not bad-looking female young cwea- tures, with pencils and papah in their hands, kept wequesting us to take aw c-c-chances in lotterwies to win an extwaordinarwy varwiety of articles. ‘Only a dollah for a t-t-ticket in this beautiful child's cwadle.” Now what the deuce could I do aw with a child’s cwadle, as i have nevah aw committed matwimony ? Any fellaw could be in a lotterwy for almost anything. A wafile for aw a twip to Eurwope and back, a waffle faw a twip to aw, | believe, to Afwica, and aw anothah twip to Wottahdam. The gimewacks and aw f-f-fancy work at the stalls—call them tables, yer know, in this coun- twy—were offered, and, I suppose, some of them are got wid of; but what aw people can find to do with the things when they get them aw weally can’t understand. Suppose they do it faw charwity and to be weligiously happy. Lots of fellaws and women are affected in this way, Jack says. A fellaw can be weighed; he can have his height twied; he can see aw Punch and aw Judy—for extwa aw payments. He can dwink lemonade fwom a Miss Webecca at a well, and aw eat ice-cweam, served aw by aw aw girls of varwious gwades of beauty; he can win a five- hundwed-dollah bond, bedwoom furniture— even aw an Amerwican billiard table. Awfully widiculous this, yer know. A gweat many elections are also carwied on he-ah, A fellaw can vote for any Generwal, or policeman, or newspapah, or anybody, or Aw a cathedwal seems a queer place to carwy on voting in, but then aw Amerwica’s an odd quartah of the globe, so differwent fwom Gweat Bwitain, yer know, Just befaw we were going a fellaw asked me if 1 had weceived my lettah, I weplied: No! no lettah, and I went with him to the post office— they have a post office and a newspa- pah he-ah—and two laughing, pwetty, plump | female cweatures with aw awfully jolly aw wavishing eyes handed me a lettah addwessed to me aw. I paid about aw, I think, a shil- ling faw it, in Amerwican money, of course. | Doosid odd how the lettah got there, but it wasn’t a verwy satisfactorwy communication, because I couldn’t tell who wote it. Two or thrwee lines aw about love—aw-aw- fully funny — Wondah what a fel!aw would do who won all | and besides there was a stwange signature with these marween pwizes. to go to all the places—an awful baw aw. He'd pwobably have | initials, w Jack Carnegieand { hope the Cathe. gei all the gweenbacks it requires aw, WHO’S TO PAY? BRITANNIA.—“AS it expense?” for your protection, my dear, I presume you will bear the Inpia.—As it is your notion, and for your own sake, I am sure you will be de- lighted to pay it yourself!” — Fun, comicbooks.com