Puck — September 4, 1878 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

RHYMES FOR A BALLADE OF RUSSIAN HISTORY. " AFTER some centuries of -itch ‘The Fates fall ill with cold and cough, A train of circumstances which Produced a regimen in -off. And so when Somebody in -roff Had strangled Someone else in -ewski, - | Uprose the House of Romanoff | To bless the Russias and the Russki! But Alexander Paulovitch Contrived his mortal spoils to doff, And Nicolas took to handling pitch, And with a certain Menschikoff Proceeded gloriously to scoff And grind at Poleski, Turski, Jewski, And generally, a very tof, To bless the Russias and the Russki! ‘Then took the White ‘T'zar to his niche, And Gortschakoff and Schuvaloff, Ignatieff, Vera Zazoulitch, Ghourkho and Skobeloff and ‘Trepott, Popoff, ‘Tchernaieff, Baranof, ‘Scupschina, Vodka, Razsomewsky, Bade Britain to the Kaiserhof ‘To bless the Russias and the Russki! ENVOL, O Sipahine and Kutusoff, Pouchkine, ‘I'chernasky, Perspectnewsky, Smile up—with high old Knockemoff And bless the Russias and the Russki! — The London, Is: every Congressman 2 Capitolist?- - Phila, Bulletin. A SANGUINARY craft—a blood vessel.—Ao- kuk Constitution. Seasipr impressions, made by sitting in the sand, last but a day.—-/tcayune, Epwarps Pierreront has changed his resi- dence from New York to New Yawk.—JSoston Post. ‘Tne common dough requires yeast to make it rise, but it is different with the tornado.— Phila, g. Bulletin, ‘SHousanps of boys would go dirty all sum- mer if it were not wicked and dangerous to bathe in the river.— Aeayuze, ‘Tue Public Library of Deadwood is in want of fifty first-class dime novels. Highest cash price paid.— Boston Post. Au, by the way, what has become of all those archery clubs that did not spring up all over the land ?— Burlington Hawkeye. Man wants but little here below, but he wants that little increased if most of it’s in trade dollars.— Krontkle-Herald. “ue question which now arises is, Is Rarus from Ohio?—Puck. No, but our rare cuss of a President is.—Piula. Kronikle. Herald. Vicxspurc, according to Vicksburg reports, is so perfectly healthy that a stranger.would die there with great difficulty, —/icayune, Ir there is any little place that would like to quarantine New Orleans, let it speak up quick before the fever dies out.—W..0. Picayune. Ben Butter boldly announces himself a Greenbacker. He does this to draw people's attention from their silverware. — Xrontk/e- Herald, Lovers go out riding in cunning phetons at the sea-side. You see they meet their fate in—but the pun is too bad.—Piila. Evening PUCK. 13 A _weattuy St. Louis lady has been fined for being drunk. Who now says that women are not capable of becoming politicians ?— Kronikle-Herald. A WOMAN can't put on any side-saddle style when she goes in a-swimming. She has either, got to kick gut like a man or get drowned.— Wheeling Leader. Wny is it that at the hotel the man who goes is called a waiter, and the man who really waits for him to come back is called a guest ?— Bur- lington Hawkeye. A Cutcaco man had a terrible temptation the other day, He was tempted to be honest, but he resisted and the papers were deprived of a sensation.— Keokuk Constitution, RAILROADS Carry 3,000,000 passengers safely where they kill one, but the trouble is to know when the 3,000,000 have been counted up and the killing is to begin.—Free Press. We nominate Dennis Kearney for Commis- sioner to go down and investigate the yellow fever, with power to penetrate into the very heart of the infected districts.— Derrick. A New York man has made a straight jump of fourteen feet and three-quarter inches. The papers say for a wager, but he must have had a political office ahead of him.— Ficayune. ‘Tne native Parisians are still puzzled to un- derstand why all the Americans who attend their great international exposition this summer call it the “ Centennial.”"— Burlington Hawkeye. “UNPRINCIPLED, dishonest, mean and con- temptible,” is what the Utica Odserver says of John Russell Young. John will probably ad- mit about half of it.—Detroit Free Press. Broox.yw clerks are invited to join the Communists. ‘They decline, not sceing how they can divide up salaries that scarcely keep them in hair-oil now.— New York Telegram. ‘Tue late Samuel Bass, of Texas, never would peach on a pal. He, said, “If a man knows anything let him die with ‘it in him.” What a mind was there for a barber!—N. O. Picayune. ‘THat Washington tornado wasn’t a bad thing. All boarding-houses put in an extra bill that week reading: ‘Visitation of Divine wratn, fifty cents additional, —Detroit Free Press. ‘Tue Rochester xpress speaks of a Rochester missionary “with his war-paint on.” Who so refuses to be saved shalll have his rebellious head knocked from his very shoulders. — Buffa‘o Express. Curistine Nittsson lost $40,000 by the de- cline of Western mortgages. She lost more than that when she declined —well it’s all over now, and we write more in surrow than anger. — Keokuk Constitution. Napoteon’s old veterans are yet being heard of on every hand. So many of these old veterans got away unharmed that it is diffi- cult to realize that Napoleon ever wor a battle. —Detroit Free Press, ie es donnern héren?— Utica Ob- server. ‘Thank you, sir, thank you. We have long been of that opinion ourselves, and we believe Governor. Seymour says so, too. Squiz- zerinctum?— Buffalo Express. ‘THe only missionary yet sent to Alaska gave the business the cold shake as soon as he step- ped ashore and secured the office of postmaster. Bulletin. ‘The whole country isn’t worth three minutes’ of praying for.—Detroit Free Press. : ‘Tne planet Mercury may be inhabited, but probably not. If they were lively chaps up there they couldn't refrain from throwing to- matoes down at the white plug hats worn on this earth.— Free Press, Ir will give this poor country the ague any time the next fifty years, to hear an Ohio man mentioned for President. And still, we shouldn't see why an Ohio man shouldn't make a good President. — Burlington Hawkeye. ‘Swinttinc FoR GiRs' is the title of an article in an exchange. If a young man can’t get a girl without swimming for one, there is goin; to be an overproduction of old maids and old baclielors.— Norristown Herald, “AN up-country paper chronicles a big church collection, and wants to know who can beat it. ‘There are men in Keokuk who tan beat any church collection, ‘They attend ocly the eve- ning service.— Keokuk Constitution, It is still an open question, whether the United States has more religions than patent medicines? ‘The religions are probably. the more numerous, but the medicines keep up the finest cemeteries.— Burlington Hawkeye. A Nevapa man died in great distress of mind the other day, because he could remember of lying to 1,400 different men who had asked hin: for tobacco. Always hand over your boxsifyou want to die happy.— Detroit Free Press, * Jenovan, ‘Thy wise government And its administration, Is found to be most excellent, On due consideration. —Sunday Afternoon. AN old hat, which once belonged to Napo- leon I., was recently sold for $35. ‘The infant class in paragraphing will please stand up in line and repeat, in concert, ‘‘When this sold hat was new." — New Haven Register, ‘Tur. boy who swabs his little legs And bathes them with a lotion, Has rambled in the underbrush And poisoned Ivy notion. — Cincinnati Saturday Night, ‘THe Graphic says Rosa Bonheur is painting a fine specimen of the shaggy and picturesque Highland breed of cattle. ‘This is a low-flung way the Graphic has of speaking of the pro- prietor of the New York Herald.— Detroit Free Press. ‘Tere is a young woman in Elmira, N. Y., with hair thirty-nine inches long. If she was only a man, what a superb corn-doctor she would make. All a man needs to make him a professional chiropodist, is long hair.— Burling ton hawkeye. ‘Tis country is becoming so crowded with marksmen, athletes, swimmers and oarsmen - wearing medals on their breasts, that the ordi- nary man will soon have to return to blue coats with brass buttons, in order to keep from sink- ing into utter insignificance.— Kronikle- Herald, A Bripcerort man having been struck by a quickening conscience to the extent of caus-_ ing him to disgorge $800 of government mo- ney, his fellow-citizens are nailing horse-shoes over their doors. A horse-shoe is Bridgeport's idea of vaccination.—Dandury News. Wuen a greenback man, who clamors for more greenbacks, starts a paper to advocate the interests of his party, he soon loses what few greenbacks he has, and then he has a good ex- cuse for crying for more.. And the longer he publishes his paper, the fewer he sees. The moral can be read by a blind man,—Norristéon Herald. comicbooks.com