Puck — September 4, 1878 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. Sern Greex says fish ie, no sense 2 of hear- ing and are not alarmed by noises. We wish he would explain then. how it is that when a ten- year old boy falls from the bridge into the creek, he spoils the fishing in that vicinity for the rest of the day.— Burlington Hawkeye. Ben Butter, in his Bedford speech, said he did not come to make a speech, but to com- mune with the people. Commune, is it, Ben- jamin? his is the result of your early New Orleans training, when you divided other peo- nes property among yourself.— Detroit Free Press, Av old Irish soldier, who prided himself up- on his bravery, said he had fought in the Bat- tle of Bull Run. When asked if he had re- treater good his escape, as others did or \s occasion, he replied: “ Be jabers didn't run are there yit!"— .Y. Tue new style of hat is decidedly tony. It is made of gauze-like material, as transparent as mosquito-netting, and has a high, stiff, round top, through which the head shows. On a bald-headed man the effect is exhilarating, reminding the observer of a wire cover over a ball of butter.— Unknown Lx- change. Wiruin a little more than a month five hun- dred and twenty-one persons have been arrested, convicted, and sentenced to imprisonment in Germany, for speaking insultingly of the Em- peror. There, Mr. Hayes, there is something like a government. “Sass” is “sass” in that country.— Burlington Hawkeye. “I was midnight; the dark shadows nestled over the sleeping town of Kalamazoo, wit}. not a ray of light to break the sombreness of the scene. All nature seemed to be at rest, and---” well, how shall we end this? Oh, yes! ‘Price one dollar per bottle. For sale at all drug stores.” Phila, Bulletin, A Girt in ‘Trenton, New Jersey, married a Hungarian nobleman, and now she has to take in washing six days a week instead of two, as formerly, in order to support her new title with sufficient style. Promotion in th always brings increased responsibi —Burlinglon Hawkeye. Tue Great Unknown—The gentleman who draws the principal prize in a Louisiana lottery. ‘This prize has been drawn by a “ lucky indivi- dual” more than a dozen times during the past several years, but his name has always been per sistently kept out of the papers. We suspect that he is ashamed to let his friends know he patronizes lotteries.— Norristown Herald. “Suppose you were out in a jungle some: where,” said Strobel to Billikins, while walking through the Zoo, ‘and should see a tiger come charging down upon you, with fur up and mouth open, what would be your first thought ?” “Well, I rather think,” replied Mr. B., ‘that for about two seconds I'd conclude Marthy Ann’s mother had just got back from her trip to camp-meeting. It would be a comfort, though, when I found out I'd been mistaken about it.”"— Cin. Breakfast- Table. You remember that tooth-brush incident that occurred in the ark—how Noah caught Ham using his tooth-brush, and when he reprimanded him for it, Ham petulantly exclaimed: ‘ Well, where in the dickens is the tooth-brush that be- longs to the boat? I thought this was the one!”” You remember this, of course? Well, a recent number of London Punch printed this joke, with some trifling variations, as original, and, as if that wasn’t bad enough, the N.Y. Zridune copied and credited it. Punch must have a fresh editor—altogether too fresh.— Norristown Herald, APOLLINARIS NATURAL Mineral Water,! G The Queen of Table Waters. HIGHLY EFFERVESCENT. George's Hos) ft Wholesome, and absolu tely Pure: DR. R. 0G: wholesome: superior to all anperio DEN bsolutely pure and feee from all the ob- Physician ‘Of geeat value FREDERICK DE BARY & CO., 41 £43 Warren Street, NEW YORK, Sule Agents for United States and Canadas, FOR SALE BY DEALERS, GROCERS ANDO ORUGGISTS. Evere genuine bottle bears the Yellow label. A MAN with a “cast” in his eye—The stage manager.— Cincinnati Saturday Night. Porte who pronounce it snout, Instead of the more vulgar snoot, Somehow, instead of saying route, Say route.—Puck. And he whose ear's by Webster tuned, When he a cut or bruise has bound, Instead of calling it a woond, Says wound.— Ala California, A varesack rider who had heard Of Southern barbecues, Asked leave of absence once to go, But the boss he did refuse. He never wept or kicked or jawed, Or boiled up in a stew, For in the sawdust ring that night He got his bare-back-cue. —Cincinnati Saturday Night. Cnicaco distillers have propounded the fol- lowing problem to the Commissioner of Inter- nal Revenue, ‘‘How can the Cincinnati dis- tillers sell whisky cheaper than we can?” It is not our put in, but we would like to suggest to the Commissioner that perhaps the answer may be found in the great North American fact that Cincinnati waters her whisky.— Derrick. Some of these beautiful evenings a man with a wilted collar and a sprinkled coat will mutter an old-fashioned bit of profanity between his teeth; he will scud swiftly across the street; he will pick up the boy that is manipulating the sidewalk hose; he will twist his head around five times; he will jam his head into a crack in the fence and kick his whole body through after it; and then the boy will learn that it is not right nor safe to glue his eyes into the top of a tree while he sprinkles the streets, the sidewalks and the citizens indiscriminately and impartially. Mind, we do not advocate the reckless, extravagant or wanton killing of boys, but these are revolutionary times, and the temper of a down-trodden people is restless and unsafe.—Hawkeye. THE GREAT EUROPEAN NOVELTY. HUNYADI JANOS. The Best Natural Aperient *Hunyadi aperient salts sur- hat of all other known +1 prescribe PROFESSOR SCANZONI, Wurzburg. * PROFERSOR LAUDER BRUN' pleasant than its Fv 8, Royal - Henry. Hospital, Wetteg? Vivetcered to Paling ™m and Friedrichshall A Wineglassful a Dose. LE TO THE TRAVELLING genuine bottle bears the name of Tue Arottinats Co, Gimited), London FreV’k De Bary & Co., 41 & 43 WARREN Street, NEW YORK, Sole Agents for the United States and Canada. FOR SALE BY DEALERS, GROCERS, AND DRUGGISTS. ‘The Label on every genuine Bottle is printed on BLUE iscasee DENTAL No. GB. Ldth Street, wear Sth Beautiful 3 Sets, best Quality, greatest Durability oso and $10.00. Pure Gold filling frown PUBLIC. Dr. SWEENY’S OLD ESTABLISHED AND WELL-KNOWN ROOMS. 1d yeu will dor iy 1 elsewhere Upc tvenings and Sundays, DENTAL OFFICE or Philippine Dieffenbach - Truchsess, 162 West 23rd St., bet. 6th & 7th Aves., N. Y. Ganat Sruner 3EST ALL TOBACCO CIGARETTE. Sold by all Dealers and Manufactured by B. POLLAK, N. Y. INE. WIZ, Pamphlet & Book Binder, 29 BEEKMAN STREET. Pampblet'binding of every description and Pass books for banks a specialty. Personal attention to everything entrusted to my care. THE AKTIST PHOTOGRAPHER, et, Between ist & 2nd Aves., New York.—Closed Gn Saturdays only OTTO LEWIN, The well known Artist Photographer, 989 THIRD AVE.,S. E. Cor. 59th St., 294 BOWERY, above Houston St.