Puck — July 31, 1878 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. SUGGESTIONS FOR DOG-DAY FASHIONS. FEMININE, Iron Hoop-skirts on rollers. Same, small, for children, Spike:clad Boots. MASCULINE. Portable Furnaces with irons ready for cauterizing. [Patents applied for. CUFFEE & CO. os — ‘yi, AM Adoniram Cuffee. I am of alarge and a fatty build, and, to be frank about it, of a lazy disposition. I like to eat, but I don’t take kindly to hard work. Also, 1am of African ‘scent, and am strong. I have several friends of the same nature and disposition as myself, and the great problem of the hour with us is, “Whar'll we get something to eat?” If we were banjoists or bone-players we might do some lazy loafing ‘round saloons at night, and pick up quite a living that way; or, if we had voices, we might be going to England with “Uncle Tom's Cabin.” We have voices, of course; but they’re only that kind of voice which raises itself in nocturnal notifications of “Hot corn!”—no sort of a Jubilee voice at all. In this state of affairs we began to get a little nervous, and I was ruminating over the subject one morning as I stood on the rear platform of an Avenue Q car. I didn’t like to sit inside among the white ladies, so I just stood out on the platform. Pretty soon two gentleinen got on, and then others, until the platform was crowded. All of a sudden I noticed them all a-looking at me—savage-like, as if they could cut my liver right out of me. Then their handkerchiefs went up to their noses, one by one, and the conductor asked me how far I was going. “ Down to the City Hall,” I said. “Good Gad!” “Can't stand it!” “Let me off the car!” were the expressions that came from the occupants of that rear iplaticea, and one by one they dropped off, and I saw them waiting in the blazing sun for the next car, That gave me an idea! I also jumped off after a while and got on the rear platform of another car, where the above described events were enacted over again, ‘That was enough! I went right across town to Thompson Street and I picked out three of the fattest and strongest of my chums—Liberty Jackson, Abracadabra White, and Zebedee Blossom. We went straight over to the stables of the roads on the east side—Avenues Q, R, S, T, you know, where they aren’t used to colored folks—and there we made our terms. To show the superintendent what we could do, two of us got on one car, along with the boss himself, one on the next car, a fourth on still another, and ki yi—ah, golly! didn’t we make them white folks just vanish? The super- intendent said he got fifteen cents fare out of every one of them, and he engaged us on the spot, though he himself was taken home sick. Of course our business is limited to the east side; on the other side of the city people is used to us, and habit in this world is everything. Thus I established the firm of Cuffee & Co. We lead just the life a lazy darkey delights in. All we have to do is to just step on and off a car, and off anid on again. We are well paid, and the fun of the thing! If you'd see how some of that poor white trash squirm and growl before they'll lose a nickel and take another car—then we heaves a strong fat sigh, and that fetches 'em every time. Besides we are making the white folks pay for their wicked prejudice against the poor colored men of African 'scent. And we are elevating the negro. To prove this, come over to Sixth Avenue any Sunday afternoon, when we are off duty, and you'll confess you never saw a crowd of nigs more “ elevated ” than Curree & Co, THE SUNSHADE. Art this time of the year the sunshade is popular both at the seaside and in the city. We don’t know that the characteristics of the sunshade have ever been made public. One of them is to have one of the wire points stick in your eye when a companion is holding it up. We don’t know whether the sunshade was in- vented during the second Punic war or not, and we don’t care. F It will keep the sun off a maiden’s face or the contents of an apple-stand just the same. Placed over the heads and shoulders of a re- clining couple, they can osculate without the slightest fear of being detected from the rear. The sunshade is particularly and eternally solid with the omnibus-driver, in August—also in uly. 4 is not safe to lay a sunshade down and leave it alone—for obvious reasons. Everyone will agree with us in this who ever owned a sunshade, or its sister, the umbrella, We don’t know that any man ever owned an umbrella for two years, That is, the same one. If there is any such man in the country, we should be pleased to receive his name and ad- dress, not necessarily for publication, but mere- ly as a guarantee of good faith. We think he would be a curiosity, and would, furthermore, be quite an acquisition to some traveling show. Besides, we should like to borrow his um- brella. |) comicbooks.com