Puck — May 1, 1878 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. Puckerings. Jerrerson Davis, pull down your hoop-skirt. res to us Francis Murphy is wanted in the Weather Office. Tue foresighted hen is already laying a corner-stone for the spring-chicken. Tue ice-cream-freezer looks hopefully for- ward to a remonetization of the mercury. We’ should like to be Charles Francis Adams's bosom-friend—in the hereafter. - Way is Hayes thus persecuted? Is the age of chivalry forever past? or has Dr. Mary Walker depreciated the standard of manliness ? Younc man, that spring suit may not be last year's, steamed and pressed; it may be original with 1878; but why is there a peach-stain on the-north-east corner of the vest? Miss Emma Appott sung ‘ Sweet Bye-and- bye” at the bedside of Anna Dickinson's brother, while he was prostrated by illness. The late Mr. Dickinson was a man of many sterling virtues. Tue young man whose fancy lightly turned to thoughts of love, about a month ago, had better begin to buckle down to business, and provide a sinking fund against the advent of the ice-cream season, Certainty, Fraud should be punished; but we don’t see why the readers of the brightest of morning papers should suffer, too. If the Sux will take immediate steps tending to resump- tion of readability, it will receive the thanks of the populace. “Wuat has been done once, can be done again,” said some philosopher. This may be true, but we are inclined to doubt it. We once found a ten-dollar bill in a horse-car, and we have been gunning horse-cars in vain ever since. A youTH with joy out of his clement, Just said to elope with his Bell he meant, When her father rushed in, With a terrible din, And wanted to know what the— Wuo is it with funeral tread Comes slowly home and goes to bed, And utters what is best unsaid ? 'Tis he who’s fished since rose the sun, Subsisting on a single bun, And after all's caught nary one. Au, now doth the timorous jay-bird Hop round in the redolent spray, And verily every gay bird To her mirthfui adorer saith yea. ‘The empyrean drops pearls baptismal, Which jewel the meek mignonette, And landlords are filled with dreams dismal Of houses to let. Wuen the violet drinks the first sunbeam, And fondly the orioles pipe, How bright doth the little boy's gun beam As he goes o’er the meadows for snipe. Ah! stealthily wanders the truant By the marge of the reed-fringed flood, ‘Then wends (to a licking pursuant) Home, covered with mud. THE BEAUTY OF LAZINESS. [eazness is one of those institutions for I) which .no one seems to have a kind S~* word, and yet it has virtues beyond a doubt. Laziness is even zsthetic in some ways, and is often productive of much good. It makes a man indifferent to hard times, and he doesn’t care whether he works or not. If he has nothing to do but lie around the parks and study: natural history in an humble way, he doesn’t become so hungry as the man who works hard all day. ‘Then again, if he does want something to line himself with, and is too lazy to ask for it, why, then he can’t be very hungry. The world owes a great deal to lazy men. We have it on respectable authority that Watts was out of work and bumming around the kitchen when he conceived the idea of steam being utilized as a motor. ‘The turtle is an exceedingly lazy reptile, but it is a very good one, converted into soup. Then there is another person whose laziness is decidedly chronic; but he is a good, moral sort of man, and is generally looked upon as a shining example. That fellow is the editor. He is both a paragon and a paragrapher. We once missed a certain ferry-boat through our inactivity, and the fellow at the stern laughed at usas the boat left the slip. That boat met with a sort of marine disaster on that very trip, and some of the fellows who laughed at us so heartily were conveyed to the morgue, and we congratulated ourselves with the remark that laziness is its own reward. ‘There are many other favorable arguments to justify indolence, and we should be very happy to embellish them—but what's the use? No one will agree with us. A NEWBURGH SINECURIST. = NPGHE Pound Master of Newburgh, N. Y., 351) holds what may, in a measure, be termed <* asinecure. So apparent has this become that he has been abolished. ‘The measure was one of economy on the part of the constituents, and reflects great honor upon them, It seems that this official has been in receipt of a salary of $200 per annum—about 55 cents a day. ‘This compensation is certainly not extravagant, but the Newburgers probably bethought them- selves of the perquisites that would accrue to the lucky official. An examination has been made, and it has been ascertained that the entire receipts of the office comprise one dollar and twenty-five cents during the year. The account appears as follows: To salary of official ‘To impounding one cow anda goose, 1 Deficit -........ $198 75 This resolved the tax-payers. They were willing to pay for a functionary to look after the county pound, and, had the receipts been from two dogs, or a goat, or heifer they would have been satisfied, but ‘a cow and a goose” was really too much, so they legislated the Pound Master out of office, and his place is permanently vacant. The lesson to be deduced from this is: “ Beware of impounding geese;” and if the experience of Orange county be taken everywhere to heart, the taxpayers will not begrudge the $198.75 loss, but felicitate themselves that it was not greater. MAY MOVINGS. HERE is an eternal fitness in all things. There is even a fitness in the cheap gar- ments of the economical tailof and self- made clothier: if they don’t fit you they fit some other fellow. "| in fact, when everything is in its There is a time for all things. There is cven a tune for all things; and just now in the shad season the tune is obviously.‘ The first zoes of summer,” with an obligato accompaniment on the bones. outer Sik There is a time when the eternal fitness of all things is preéminently manifested; a time, lace, and when, if it is not in its place, eve jing tries to move there and settle down in it as rapidly ~ as may be, and look pleased and smile. “This time is beyond all peradventure the first of May, the moving-day of Manhattan. Now, casting a prophetic eye over the proof-sheets of next year’s directory, can we foresee no mighty changes? Mighty changes can we foresee! Many and mighty, and proceed we herewith to set them forth. And if it be objected that all of the moves here indicated may fail to be seen on the actual chess-board of existence—why, this will surely merely be owing to the disobedience of certain persons and places to the inexorable law of the eternal fitness of things. Here are a few of the changes of address which the pro- phetic eye foresees: — Mr. Tilton will return to Elizabeth — N. J. [N. B. to printer: Prithee do not set this up ng. — The President, if he comes to New York, will find an appropriate residence in Water Street. — Mr. Samuel J. Tilden, President de functo, will, as before, remain in Hell Gate, waiting for it to explode a second time. * — Mr. Robert Ingersoll refuses to reside in Chatham Street, because it is named after the bottomless Pitt. -The Hon, Scipio Africanus still finds it policy to abide at 411 44th Street. —Surrogate Calvin will move to Vanderbilt Avenue. Where there's a will there’s a way. Little Sammy Cox, having carpet-bagged here from Ohio, is now going to Rhode Island. New York is too large a State for so small a fel- low. -- None of the coal-dealers will remain in Fulton Street. With them Fulton has always been unpopular. — Mr. Case and Mr. Gilman will continue their residence at Sing Sing for the present. —The San Francisco Minstrels move to Christy Street, in honor of the founder of the sable profession. —The Board of Health remains at Scenter Street—the more easily to investigate the smelli- fluous odors of Hunter’s Point. —Miss Whitelaw Reid will continue to live up in the steeple with the people that are Gould’ —The hatters will congregate as usual in Beaver Street. —The headquarters of the Republican party remain in Division. —Mr. J. K, Emmet and Mr. J. W. Shannon do not move from Dutch Street. —Plantation Bitters can be had at 1860 SX. Street. — The Bonanza senatorship will reside as always in Great Jones. —The New York correspondent of the Dan- bury News will not move from Jay and Charl- ton. —The late Mrs. Hicks will solace her loneli- ness in Lord’s Court for another year. —Baldwin the Clothier opens a branch in ‘Tryon Row. —Poets are moving out of Spring. —Mr. Conkling retains his ownership in Platt. —Mr. Greenbacks, U. S. A., has moved up to Gold amid the good wishes of the world. —And Puck is firmly established at 13 North William Street, whence he flits fantasti- cally abroad wherever fancy wills. comicbooks.com