Puck — March 6, 1878 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. BEWARE. eS es ene eyes and golden hair, eS) Beware! beware! © Rosy cheeks, dimples a pair, Beware! beware! For those eyes of azure blue, Tresses thick of golden hue, Rosy cheeks and cimples two— Are not for you. Pearly teeth and coral lips, For those teeth of pearly white, Lips that seem so coy and bright, Fairy feet and fingers slight— Are not for you. Beaut’ous form and skin so clear, Beware! beware! Ankles, waist, beyond compare, Beware! beware! For that form so full of grace, Skin so pure and fairy face, Ankles neatest in their place— Are not for you. teapots, on weceiving two or thrwee dollars in gweenbacks. The teacup and saucer, I believe, were thrwown in for the gweenbacks;. but as I dwank two or thrwee cups of the aw tea, and as nei- ther myself nor any of my fwiends evah we- ceived any.of the cwockerwy, I think there must be an erwor about this thrwowing in busi- ness. Jack and 1 have been wacking our bwains to discover the pwecise nature of the connection between Marwia Washington and tea-dwinking, but aw without ‘any satisfactorwy wesult.° Sup- pose it must be one of those incompwehensjble things with which Amerwicans like to. puzzle forweigners. The female cweatures behind the table had their hair dwessed in white, or wore white wigs, | and costumes wesembling those in the portwaits of some of my female pwogenitors, in the gal- lerwy of our old house in Warwickshire. Short aw dwesses, yer know, with severwal skirts of flowered materwials, and aw patches on the face and forwhead. A fellaw, at these tea aw stalls could also supply himself with wemarka- bly small tea-chests; but as I weally had no de- sire to wation myself, 1 didn’t buy any. Such things do verwy well for gwocers, but not for me ‘There was a terwible wacket made by half-a- dozen cweatures aw—Chinese—those fellaws with pigtails, yer know. ‘They did it with var- 7 | than pwobable; but then aw I’ve no gweat de- sire to impwove my cwitical faculty. It would | be twoublesome; would aw wun away with too | much time. | I don’t know the names of the ‘horwible in- | stwuments which helped to make the horwible wow. One looked like a large gunpowder | barwel, only with boa constwictor diwumheads on the top and aw bottom, which a pigtailed individual stwuck with dwumsticks in a verwy irwegular manner. The othah fellaws played on arwangements like marween speaking-twum- pets. But the oddest of all the things was | something like an attenuated guitar of a banjo | and violin charwacter. | The west of this aw Marwia Washington we- | ception was like an ordinarwy ball, and_people whirled wound and wound in the aw usual man- ner. | Tabhor balls, and I think, by Jove, that in Amerwica I've had enough to last me fora con- | siderwable perwiod. But, at any wate, I shall feel awfully gwateful to any fellaw who'll tell me what a Marwia Washington Weception is weally for aw. v now the young swain is emboldened to speak to his inamorata concerning the regatta j of last year. Within a month the topic will have become perilous and he will saunter into | the realms of comment about the first severe This is prefatory to tackling All these charms the maiden make: Beware! beware! Heart’s desires you may not slake: Beware! beware! For the heart within that mould, Glows not warmly, but is cold; And you'll find that you've been sold— She's not for you. Ex. Cura. FITZNOODLE IN AMERICA. No. XLIX. MARTHA WASHING- TON TEA-PARTY. Ya-as, befaw I give any further descwiption of my pwogwess in my twip west, I aw just wish to wefer to an aw arwange- ment called a Mar- wia Washington Weception and aw too widiculous tea-party. Weally don't know who the d-d-devil Marwia Washington is, but wather imagine she must be some welation of the fellaw who had something to do with being a Pwesident or Emperwor, in a verwy early perwiod of the existence of this wepub- | lic. Have mentioned his name befaw, yer | know. This Marwia affair had verwy much the char- wacter of a ball. It. was given at the wegular place, an operwa-house, generwally. spoken of as an academy;.although, ‘pon my soul, I've nevah been able:to find out in what bwanch of knowledge people make themselves pwoficient in this academy. -Think it must be operwa or dancing. q - A Jack and I allowed ourselves to be dwagged to this aw tea-party, and verwy queer it.was, too. There was a woom of considerwable size jast aw off the aw operwa stage, and all wound were a gweat many stalls, decorwated in the curwious manner Chinese fellaws decorwate things—in a verwy gimcwack awstyle. Behind “the counters of these aw stalls there were fe- | male cweatures in differwent stages of gwoth, | who gave fellaws cups of arwomatic tea fwom | wious curwious instwuments, which were sup- | storm of 1878. posed to be musical. Neither Jack nor I could | the strawberry festival of last July, with contri- wecognize fwom what operwa the selections | butory jokes on saucy and saucer. At this stage were fwom. But perwhaps we aw are indiffer- | of the courtship he is either rudely eliminated went judges, and may be unable to appweciate | from the train of the young lady's thoughts, or this Amerwican-Chinese music, ‘This is aw more ; rewarded with a request to call oftener. A CERTAIN SOMETHING. Anxious Mama: ‘This will be your first ball, my child.» Endeavor to make a good impression.” e Incenvous Daruinc: ‘Mama, I heard Uncle Ned say that when you were a young girl, although you were not in the least good-looking or brilliant, you had a certain something about you that fascinated: everybody. Won't you lend me that certain some- thing for to-night? Yease, mama!” comicbooks.com