Puck — February 6, 1878 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

jt ee PUCK. BLIGHTED HOPE, ENEATH the shadow of a wall, ‘At noon time, sat some sons of toil, ‘And two of them, as often haps, Were tangled in a wordy coil. 7 They rivals were in deeds of strength, Each envied much the other's muscle, ‘And often, when their work was done, Did they engage in friendly tussle. Says one, ‘ Me hod is twice as big, ‘And houlds more bricks nor you can carry.” Says t'other, “Ab, be aisey now, ‘What's that yer thryin’ to give us, Larry ? T'll lay me life that I can take You, an’ yer hod an’ bricks an’ all, ‘And land ye, with the greatest aise, On top of that four-story wall.” « Ah, listen to him, boys, the thief Is thryin’ for to cow me down. T'll lay the dhrinks for all the crowd, ‘That ye can’t lift me from the groun’.”” ‘The bet is made, the hod is filled,~ ‘And Larry placed in his position, ‘And mid the cheering of the boys ‘They start the perilous expedition. « Now steady, Larry,” cry the boyss « Be careful, Pat,” they cry in warning, While Pat climbs slowly with his load The ladder up, their counsels scorning. The top is safely reached at last, Poor Pat is bathed in perspiration, And breathless wipes his streaming face; While Larry shows his agitation. “ Ye've win the bet,"” he says to Pat, «« And well do you deserve the whiskey; You done it well, and here's me hand, ‘The job was bould and sorter risky. But down there, at the second story, ‘When yer caught yerYut in them there ropes, And stumbled like, and koinder tothered, Pat, faith ‘twas then I had me hopes.” Nat. FARMER JEDWORT AND THE BALL SEASON. 25 cae JEXARMER JEDWORT’S son having come ‘cf to town to revel in the dissipations of the be ball season, the old gentleman has writ- ten us a letter of protest against the alluring fes- tivities of the hour. He especially launches out against the Liederkranz Ball as follows: HARDSCRABBLE, CONN, Dear Editor of Puck: I write for the purpuss to ask you to puta stop to this lederkranz ball in time befour it dose any mischief for my son Nathan which is in New York now will wan to go i am afrade. and cutt upp because he is alwase arround wen there is enny cutten upp to be dun and wil in- gure him i doughnut see why peple wants to danse for i hev tried to keep his hed levvil and not lern ennything bad like myself and my dar- ter also i hev indevverd to inculcate in the wase of truth and sobernis she hes nevver slung a heal to my nollege but is a good member of the baptis church and is now goin on thirty- nine though she insiss she is oalder and hes nevver bin marrid for she never seen enny men but them witch cum to dig clams and their is nothing about a ordnary clam-digger in full uniform witch would maik a young woman feel mooney singinging too i think awl a farse and noncents thare was nevver enny of my family thank god witch evver knew how to sin| a noat or waist time in dansing life is reel an i don’t meen virginny reel neether it is awful to think of a immortle sole flinging away the preshious ours comiting the sin of musick witch will nevver fetch a sent to enny man’s pockit i shuld nevver hev made my 3000$ in the world if ihad foold away my privvilledges and not stuck right to work evry minnit there ain’t no use lerning enny kind of lerning unles there is sum use in it i hev sed so in skool meetin an i say so agan. my darter mary witch i befour elluded to hes com in from inspectin the clam-digers through the fense she ses she thinks she won’t nevver marry and i am mutch pleesed at sech a sentsa- ble desisshion for she is worth her wait in gold to do choars in winter and ride the hos rake in hain time and cood not be sporn without a grate loss to me but she wood like to go to york she sez and sce the lederkranz with her bruther Nathan and i shuder with dred i wish you wood jest stop that thing and i will recom- pense you for what cost you hev bin to ef it ain’t more than 3$ soc. Jeremian Jepwort. FABLES. Fish Srorles, Snake Stories, and so forth, Dressed anew, with Delirions Trimmings. D, T. Fabula narratur."* By A MAN oF THE Wortp, v. THE BULLFROG ON THE BANK. A Bullfrog, envying the lordly Bulk of a neighboring Cow, of whom he was enamored, tried to gain a like size by inflating his Green backs. While so doing, he took a position in the Bank, where his efforts to be a Swell at- tracted the attention of an observant and fam- ishing Stork, of French education and habits, who at once withdrew the Greenback from cir- culation. Morat:—Hard Dimes come again once more, VI. THE AGED GOAT. An Aged Goat paused in the execution of a Cavatina from the Opera of Her-nanny, to ad- dress a few Words of maternal Advice to her Pair of White Kids. ‘ Do not despise the va- grant Hoopskirt,” said she; ‘‘ remember, there is a Skeleton in every Closet. Do not chase the empty and resounding tomato-Can, for it may casually conceal Nitroglycerine.” "“ But, ma mére—” interrupted one of her children, whose education had been finished at a French School. “I am not a Mare, Kid, and I am surprised at you to call me so,” said the Aged Goat, more in Sorrow than in Anger. “But, mother, would not the Nitroglycerine give me a Rise in Life?” ‘ Indeed it would, my child,” rejoined her caprine Parent; “it is best, how- ever, to Eschew ambition. Your Lot in Life is not on a Corner. You can not, like your Cousin, the Lamb, attain a Sheepskin, become a Member of the Baa, and sit at length on the Woolsack.” ‘But, mother—” interrupted again her inquiring Offspring. “ But me no | buts, Kid,” punctuating her Discourse with an elevated Horn, “and that reminds me: your Career cannot even be as lofty or as lucrative as your Uncle's, the Hydraulic Ram, who will doubtless join the Knavy. He is, indeed, a noble Butter, while we—" and the Aged Goat shed a silent Weep —‘“ while we are little more than humble Oleomargarine.” Morat:—Hegoatism is a preference gene- rally misplaced. PUCK’S ESSENTIAL OIL OF CONGRESS. SENATE. , Washington, Jan, 31, 1878. STANLey’s TRIUMPH, SENATOR HaMLin shook up that joint resolu- tion about the enterprising Welshman Henry M. Stanley. It was unanimously agreed that there was but one Central Africa, and Stanley was the fellow to profit by the elucidation of its mys- teries, ‘Tue Sitver Bit. Senator Bavaro said that there were some prejudiced individuals who were unintelligent enough to be opposed to this measure, but, of course, they didn’t want to delay the matter, oh! dear, no! not at all. Just to sh6w what could be done in the matter of postponements, he thought it would be as well to postpone the further consideration of the bill until Monday next. HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES. Mr. Cox distinguished himself by presenting petitions from Europe, Asia, Africa, America, Australasia and Spuyten Duyvil for the re- repudiation of debts or remonetization (the expressions are synonymous) of silver. The only State Legislature in the country that could teach Congress anything was the Legislature of New York. He guessed he knew what he was about. Honest laboring men were the individuals who swore by him, Coin meant silver, whether silver was worth five cents a ton or five cents a grain. Excess OF OFFICERS IN THE Army, Mr. Cryer wished to make some remarks about officers and soldiers, ‘The army was an exceedingly fpretty institution, but 25,000 of- ficers to 2,000 soldiers, or 25,000 soldiers to 2,000 officers, he forgot which, was rubbing in the glory a little too much, A POET'S FANCY. He kissed her fan, and then said he: “ This fan, whene’er you ply it, Will waft a kiss to you from me!” She blushed, and said she'd try it. Quirrte Yarrow.