Puck — January 23, 1878 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CHESS. I F all the games in the world, I think whist most detestable; For hour after hour in sad silence to sit, With never a chance to show grace or show grit, T cannot abide it. But a joust at a chess-table— ‘That tries all your wisdom and tests all your wit. In defense and defiance, with pawn, queen and castle, For your King you must fight like a valiant vassal. <a I. Of course each endeavors to do as he’s best able, And I watch if Miss Nell always plays “on the square”— (Alas, that the fair sex so seldom play fair!) *Tis heaven with Helen to sit at a chess-table, And note her sly moves and her innocent air. And yet she insists I attack “ above board,” or I find myself punished in very short order. 7 ut. Oh! the days of the brave Cavalier and the Roundhead! When a man had a chance to be foremost in fight, And do battle most boldly for her and the right! Oh! the days when the kings and the castles abounded! Oh! if she were a Queen and I were her Knight! * 2 * * * * While I mused she said “ Check!"—I felt myself fated; But the game, when it finished, left both of us mated. Jo BM. THE FIRST CLIENT. OW-D'Y-DO? My dear sir, how-d'y"-do ? Glad to see you! Sit down—in the rocker!” morning with you—” State your case! I'll be happy ‘To counsel you when you are through! -— ‘Nl be back in a minute or two"? QuirrLe Yarrow, Answers for the Anrious. Scirto.—Skip! Hasettine.—She will see you further first. Roc for us. Cara.—Oh! Sugar! Honey’s sour to you. We'd like to strike you with a goosequill, for that darling poem of yours, we would. EXpPecTant.—Yes, you do want a course of intellectual discipline, you needn’t have any doubt about it. The kind you want is the variety known as ** sprouts.” Ifyou could, without inconvenience to yourself, pass through a sausage machine, or play acrobat with a keg of dynamite, it might do you some good. MOUNTAINS.—You are considerably too steep J. SCHEMERHORN.—When you are an old man, and your white head is a crown of glory, being found in the way of righteousness, you will weep—weep bitter tears— over the remembrance of that pocm you have sent us. And you will be about right. Boonk.—No historical questions answered. We don't know when Aristotle was born. You can’t imagine how totally ignorant of all these things we are. We don’t know anything. We don't know when George Wash- ington lived; we don’t know who Homer was; we don't know what happened in 1776. But we do know what will happen in 1878, if you come in person to propound your conundrums. COSTUME CONTRETEMPS. Beau of the Old School (with no idea of the vagaries of modern fashion) : “Pardon me; I was not aware that this was the ladies’ dressing-room!”—London Funny Folks. Tuat Terripce INrant AGAIN. ‘How long are you going to stay here?” “Why, my little dear?” “’Cause, I'm hungry and mama says we shall have dinner as soon as that dreadful nuisance goes away.” WHILE THERE ts Lire THERE 1s Hope. “And you will not be mine until I have be- come renowned ?” “Not until then.” “That's easy enough. But tell me, in what profession would you like to have me distin- guish myself?” “Oh—any, any at all--as a life-long ex- plorer in Africa, let us say.” —s—S— ‘Two high-society little maidens were con- tending as to the highest respectability of stand ing of their separate papas, when one sought to cap the climax bythe statement: ‘I'd have you know that my pa is the president of a sav- ings bank, and there's been a receiver ap pointed. So there!” Back care makes white hair. STRANGE as it may appear, it is nevertheless remarkable that bright-eyed Diaz and dark ideas should preside over the destinies of Mex- ico at the same time. Quite a Mexico-inci- | dence. comliclbooks: