Puck — January 16, 1878 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

4 PUCK. ai || PUCK’S HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. CHAPTER XXIII. THe TRoupLE wiTH THE TRENT.—CAPTAIN Witkes AND Mr. SEWARD HAVE TO EAT HUMBLE PIE.—HORRIBLE DISAPPOINTMENT OF tHE SouTH AT THE NoRTH’s APOLOGY.— CONFEDERATES START IN THE PRIVATEER LINE.—THE NORTH DETERMINES TO PUT ITS SHOULDER TO THE WHEEL.—CONCLUSIONS TRIED AT SHILOH.—DE ROAMING ABOUT ON tHE OLD Kentucky Sxore. Hatteras Inlet’s two forts, it may be safely remarked, commanded the entrance to the Albemarle and Pamlico Sounds. It is not impossible that this fact rankled in the breast of some Southerners as Union Commodore Stringham and General Butler captured the structures in question. Port Royal Harbor, South Carolina, strange to say, had also two forts, which Commodore Dupont and General W. T. Sherman held, not while anybody was coming, but when the gar- rison was going. Port Royal had no reason to complain of want of attention, for it became a depot of supplies for the Union fleets and armies, and a thorn in the side of the Con- federates. The Confederacy did not feel at all solid with itself. Those of its leaders who could see a little ahead saw that in reality there wasn't much show for their being able to establish themselves in business on their own account unless some of the effete nations of Europe lent them a hand. The tide, however, in the affairs of secession, although taken very much at the flood, did not lead on to fortune. It was not remarkable that a steamer, called the Trent and flying the British flag, should have been bound to England from the capital of the ‘ever faithful isle,” Havana. Nor was it an extraordinary occurrence that on board this vessel of proud Albion there should be as passengers two individuals named respectively Mason and Slidell. These gentlemen were commissioners to Europe, who intended to take a fall vacation and recreate themselves while wandering o’er the old world’s classic soil by endeavoring to persuade some of the aforesaid effete European governments to take the side of the South and crush the Yankees into such a shape that the great bird of freedom would never get a chance to flap those extraordinary wings of his. Now the United States had a war-steamer which rejoiced in the name of San Jacinto, which its captain was Wilkes. Wilkes was proud of his craft. He spoke in raptures of the manner in which her jib smacked through the breeze, and how she was a vessel all taut to his fancy as ever sailed through the salt seas. Wilkes, quite promiscuouslike, of course, met the Trent proudly on the foaming billows rolling. He told her to heave to. She wouldn't heave to. No, the flag that had braved a thousand years the battle and the breeze, wasn’t going to heave two, or three either, for the star- spangled banner. This made Wilkes mad. He fired a shot across her bows. The Trent hove to. Messrs. Mason and Slidell then found ‘them- selves on a homeward journey to the land of the brave and the free, much sooner than they expected, and nothing to pay for the passage either. Their hotel was the prison at Fort Warren, Boston. It was not on the European plan. The same remark would apply to Captain Wilkes’s proceedings. The British Lion lashed its tail with rage, roared itself hoarse, and demanded satisfac- tion. Secretary Seward, smart a man as he was, couldn’t see that Wilkes’s patriotic proceeding could be defended. He was obliged, much against his will, to give the British Lion right, and brace himself up for making an apology. Humble pie is never a palatable dish at the best of times, but Seward thought he might take a little for his stomach’s sake. He told Great Britain that the Trent had only been stopped by way of a joke. Besides Wilkes was under the impression that Mason and Slidell were anxious to visit Boston, and wanted to get them there as quickly as possible. Great Britain was satisfied, and Mason and Slidell were released. It is impossible to describe how bad the Con- federacy felt when it found that the North was going to yield to the British Lion’s demands, They had fondly hoped that England would declare war against the United States and help the bonny blue flag, that bears a single star, to have a government to float over. The Sumter and Captain Semmes started a Secessionist navy, and made themselves talked about by capturing merchant vessels of the North. The Nashville, too, distinguished itself in this particular line. Yankee merchants did not like this—they thought it mean of the South. It was useless for the North to shut its eyes to the fact that the Confederacy meant business, So guns, swords, shot and shell now began to be turned out like hot cakes. Gold and silver were resolved to take a rest, and greenbacks began to be a household word among those who were fortunate to grab any. But we must progress with our narrative, or the last chapter of this history will probably be written about next centennial. Union General Halleck sailed up Tennessee River, and tried the weight of his shot and shell against the walls of Fort Henry. They were of the right sort, and the usual result ensued. Confederate Generals A. S. Johnston and Beauregard stirred up General Grant at Shiloh. We would rather not say what the effect was. Drawn battles are such exceedingly difficult things to write about unless one is on the spot; and we were not, at least not at that time. The year 1862, we omitted to mention, opened with Colonel Garfield accelerating the flight of the Confederates on the Big Sandy River, in Eastern Kentucky. This stream was rather inappropriately named, as there was a good deal of “die” about it. On the roth of January they found that Mill Spring, in the same State, was too hot for them. Grant had taken a great fancy to Fort Donel- son. He thought he'd like to have it, and suc- ceeded; for, on the 16th of February, it sur- rendered to him with a garrison of twelve thou- sand men, History repeats itself, and the late unpleas- antness confirmed the assertion. A second siege of Corinth threatened. Con- federate General Beauregard did not altogether like the looks of General Halleck with a hun- dred thousand men, who appeared to be march ing in his direction. Beauregard had never dissented from the opinion that discretion was decidedly the bet- ter part of valor. So he made a strategic movement backwards. Military authorities now remarked casually that the second Confederate line was effectually broken. The Secessionists were not exceptionally strong in the matter of fleets, as Commodore Davis discovered to his unmixed satisfaction when he set upon a number of Confederate vessels which had the hardihood to dispute his right of way. ‘Only one Southern vessel managed to come unscathed out of a gentle trial of strength with the Northern ships, which took place near Memphis, June sth. And it may be pertinent to remark that Union troops took up their quarters in this place. Confederate General Bragg cut in the game at this stage. He had a special predilection { for the Northern part of the state of Kentucky, and even managed to fetch up as far north as the Ohio River. The Cincinnati men got scared, and com- menced to drink their whiskey to prevent its falling into the hands of their enemies, a prac- tice which they have ever since carefully kept up. Bragg isa good dog, but Holdfast is a better. Be this as it may, Bragg had to skedaddle to Perryville when he found nothing was to be done at Louisville. He fought a battle without any result, and then resolved to go and see what o’clock it was at Chattanooga. Grant continued to come to the front ina fronter manner than ever, although he had not yet get over the enemy's frontier. Halleck was requested to show himself in Washington, while Grant was to boss up the army west of Tennessee. Rosencrans, Grant’s man, discomfited the Confederates toa considerable extent at Corinth, as six thousand of them were put ors and foot de combat; and Generals Van Dorn and Price felt mean. . Rosencrans got a lift up for his luck, and, for the time being, he was of opinion that republics were not ungrateful. (To be continued.) LITERARY NOTES. — After reading Mr. Longfellow’s latest poems the conviction is forced upon us that his muse has gone to pot. — By some unaccountable oversight, Mr. James Parton’s copiously illustrated book on Caricature” does not contain a picture of himself writing history. — Mr. Howell's new series of choice auto- biography has not yet included Tom Hood's suggestion, “The Life of Zimmerman —by himself.”” — Miss Juliet Corson’s Cook Book about a dinner for a dime and a half has one defect: there are no engravings; now, it is obvious that a cook-book should be illustrated with cuts. — The last novel of Adolphe -Bélot, the author of the Thirty-nine articles, beg pardon, Article 47, is four volumes long. What saith the poet? ‘Man wants but little here, Bélot, nor wants that little long.” — The Zargum is the name of the stu- dents’ paper at Rutgers—the male Rutgers, not the female of the species. At the latter it would doubtless be called the Chewing-gum. — The pamphlet anntally published by the junior class of Columbia is called the Colum- siad. ‘The papers of many another college are also smooth bores, although they are not frank enough to say so. — Itis impossible to conceal the fact that there is great excitement in the highest circles of Fifth Avenue and the Five Points about the new novel “Ihe Mysteries of New York.” It is understood that one of the leading incidents is a forgery. — When Scribe published a collected edi- -tion of his plays, he dedicated it to his colla- borators. When Mr. Boucicault publishes a collected edition of his works (note the subtle distinction between plays and works), he ought to dedicate it to his predecessors.