Puck — January 9, 1878 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD. “Millicent, don’t lean on your cousin's arm in that familiar way. You never see me in such an unbecoming attitude.” ‘Aw, Miss Geraldine, I saw you away down the road, and I couldn’t help following you—’pon my soul I couldn’t. (Silence.) I've been walking behind you for the last half-mile. You're not—aw—angry, are you?” Geratpine (é/andly).—“Not at all, Mr. Stubbs, if it pleased you. Why didn’t you continue ?” c hy (Stubbs says: “Aw—thanks !"—But what does she mean?) FITZNOODLE IN AMERICA. XLI. WASHINGTON—III, Ya-as, just went down to New York, yer know, to go thwough the widi- culous pwoceeding of aw making calls on the first day of the New Ye-ah. We've now weturn- ed to Washington, and fellaws aw do say that it was aw much gweater fun he-ah than in aw New York, One fellaw, English yer know, who is a clerk or a secwetary or some- thing of the kind to the fellaw that the Queen sends ovah he-ah to wepwesent us, wemarked that an Amerwican said there was maw ‘‘circus” in Washington on this aw day. Now, howverwy widiculous—who wanted to talk about a circus, which is an aw arwangement where a lot of horses go wound and wound and widers in spangles and things twy to stand up stwaight without being wun ovah. Besides I didn’t see any wemains of a circus in Washington. The Amerwican Emperwor, who is called a aw Pwesident, yer know, weceived everwybody who aw wanted to see him—including the tag- wag and aw bobtail. He's obliged to shake everwybody by the aw hand, or he wuns the wisk of having to wesign. What a terwible con- dition his aw gloves must be in after he’s been shaking for severwal hours—must be a beastly baw, yer know, even for an Amerwican, who pwobably can endure such aw nuisances bettah than fellaws fwom Gweat Bwitain. Jack Carnegie and I have been to the White- washed House, which, as I have pweviously ex- plained, is the aw palace of the Amerwican wuler. It’s wather aw an indifferwent sort of house; indeed, is vastly inferwiah to any woyal wesidence in Euwope. There's a large woom called the wed woom, and anothah one called the gween woom, and there’s a blue woom and aw othah wooms of all colors of the wainbow. The Amerwican woyal family are verwy bar- barwous in some wespects. Don’t understand, yer know, that the pwoper things to aw have are sentwies wound about such a stwucture. A fellaw he-ah sees verwy few militarwy fellaws— but I believe there are some somewhere. Jack says they are all officers. Pwivates are recwuited when the Generwals want to have a little we- cweation. ‘Ihe Pwesident only stays in the Whitewashed House about four yeahs, when he makes woom for another fellaw—but to under- stand all these things is, ‘pon my soul, a gweat baw. ‘There is aw a Tweasurwy in Washington. It's a white building. It’s called the Tweasurwy Decause Amerwican fellaws keep gweenbacks there—doosid funny, isn’t it? Jack and I and our Amerwican fwiends stwolled thwough, walk- ed in the corwidors, and the pwincipal attwac- tion and industwy of the place appe-ah to be a lot of female cweatures who amuse themselves by walking about arm-in-arm. ‘These decorwa- tions are said to be cheaper than having statu- wary—which fellaws have to.be paid for doing pwoperly. ‘There are a gweat many maw things in Washington to wite about aw. Some of our sxlanee: are just now discuss- ing whether there is a hell. As for ourselves, we prefer—to change the subject. Tue tea-kettle medium, Slade, is in Russia. And it has just now occurred to us that unless he speaks Russian, his communications from the spirit-land will have to be trance-slated. ———— x