Puck — November 21, 1877 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. Anp the Lord saith unto Samuel, whose name was also Cox, ‘ Where art thou, Samuel ?"” And Samuel answered and said, “ Here, Lord, on the committee on the library, cuss it.” Chicago Tribune. Secretary Evarrs submitted to the President a rough draught of a Thanksgiving proclama- tion, but it was rejected on the ground that it was a longer sentence than the turkeys deserved. — Worcester Fress. Manzoni’s popular book is called ‘I Pro- messi Sposi,” but it wouldn't be popular with us. When a man says “ promess,” he ought to be positive, and not have any ‘i sposi” about it—. Y. Comm. Adv. Tue latest female mania bespatters decrepit old earthenware pots with decalcomaniacal honors, varnishes the diabolical result and then stands ‘off and exclaims “O, how nice!”— Easton Free Press. ‘Tue time will come when every man can re- ceive the election returns by telegraph to his own bedroom. The opportunities of the mar- ried men are being narrowed down every year. — Newark Sunday Call. Mr. Ponco, the gorilla, proposes to learn the carpenter's trade. His outfit will not be very expensive in the way of a chest of tools. He already has a monkey-wrench and several small vices.—Harlford Sunday Globe. Pernars the gnats will be kind enough to remember and mention that the late Senator Morton never stole anything. Ordinarily this would be small praise, but in these days it is worthy of publicity.—Zou. Sunday Argus. Tue favorite literature of Cincinnati: Hogg’s Melodies, Hamlet, the Baconian Philosophy, Piggs’s History of Brussels, Warren’s ““I'en Sows- in a Year,” and Scott’s ‘Lard of the Iles.”— Graphic.’ Haven't they saw-Sage’s theological works ?— Phila. Bulletin. A Vermont couple began their canoebial career the other day by being married in a boat on Lake Champlain.—. Y. Com. Adv. They selected Champlain, because there is knot tied in that lake.—Fhila, Bulletin, A Cotumsus, Ga., lady has been found so kindhearted that she will never beat an egg.— Richmond Enquirer, But she whips up her dresses, — Louisville Cour.Jour. Yes, and smacks her lips, too.—#x. Yes, and bangs her hair, too.—Phila, Bulletin, Lucy Stone says she despises the custom of men lifting their hats to women, and she wants no man to salute her in that way. What Lucy likes is an easy, natural, hearty greeting, some- thing like: “Hello, Stoney, old girl, how does she run?"—Burlington Hawkeye. “A Cuinese baby was refused as a competi- tor in a San Francisco baby-show.” The man- agers, we presume, were afraid a China baby might get broken. Such babies are very brit- tle, and of late years have been largely super- seded by the india-rubber article.—/orr. He- rald. Gen. SHERMAN returns to Washington bear- ing upon his manly beard the kisses of a whole townful of Oregon girls. This, as the French- man said in the Crimea, is magnificent, but it isn’t war.— Chicago Times. Guess you wern’t around when he reached home after that per- formance.—Boston Post. Ler a young gentleman and a young lady try the following scientific experiment: A gal- vanic-battery is set in motion, and while he takes one handle in one of his hands she takes the other in one of hers. Then let them softly kiss each other. This brings out all the fire- works there are in two moving sculs.— Uniden- lifed Ex. Sees “ Anxious MOTHER” wants to know how to keep her boys at home. We would advise her to buy them a keg of beer, a pack of cards, and instruct them in the beautiful game of draw- poker. Ina day or two they will become so attached to home that you can’t drive them away with a club.— Rhinebeck Gazette, We are looking for the man who will soon step into our sanctum, spit on the carpet, get his feet on the table, beg our tobacco, and go through several other preliminaries before he raises his hand to high heaven and swears that he killed a pig, six months old, which weighed 1,000 Ibs.— Brookville Jeffersonian. AUDIENCES, as a general thing, are predis- posed to think well of a speaker. But when a man with a meerschaum nose and a botanical garden in full bloom all over his face gets up to address a temperance meeting, it nfust be admitted that the cry of “take in your sign!” is not without extenuating circumstances.—St. Louis Republican, WHEN you want an example of pathos that goes down to hard-pan, watch the young man shivering in his threadbare summer clothes in front of a fashionable tailor’s window, contem- plating the handsome fall styles, and gently whistling the “ Sweet Bye and Bye."”—Cincin- nati Breakfast Table. Now, the housefly, with haggard eye, ‘And cramped rheumatic knees, Crawls in the crack of a picture back, Kicks up the dust in deep disgust, And with one feeble sneeze, Flops down in a huff, on his bed of fluff, ‘To hibernate and freeze. Brooklyn Union-Argus. A soy came along to one of our neighbor's houses holding a very dirty dog, and asked the gentleman of the house: ‘Don't you want to buy a dog, mister?” “What kind of a dog is it?” asked the gentleman. The boy looked puzzled.“ Well,” said he, * it is part terrier.” “And what is the rest?” asked the gentleman. “The rest,” answered the boy, ‘ why, the rest is—is just dog.”"— Yonkers Gazette. “Pappy, can't I-go to the Zoological Gar- dens to see the anomile fight the rhinoscrow ?” “Sartain, my son; but don’t you get your trou- sers torn. Strange, my dear, what a taste that boy has got for nat'ral history, isn’t it? No longer ago than yesterday he had eight pairs of tom-cats hanging by their tails from the clothes- line.” “Bless his little heart, come to his mo- ther!"— Unknown Ex. A woman who was granted a divorce from her husband on Friday, September 27th, by the Supreme Court of Rhode Island, married a New- port widower on the following ‘Thursday, be- came a mother on Sunday, 7th inst., and died on ‘Tuesday night, gth inst. ‘There is such a thing, we think, as being in too great a hurry, —Kochester Democrat. A tapy living on Cooper Street, who once rejected a red-haired and whiskered man, was somewhat astonished when a twelve year old daughter, in the presence of company, went up to a gentleman and sail: “If mother had a-married Aim I'd a-been red-headed, wouldn't I, mom?” And when the company left there was whal- ing if not gnashing of teeth. Camden Post. Tell me, ye winged winds ‘That round my pathway rave, Know ye some quiet shop Where I can get a shave? Some lone and pleasant cell By rough chins all unvexed Where weary man may go And be at once the “next”? | Camden Post. A Farmer being poorly provided with materials of sustenance for his men, fed them with pork cooked with the rind upon it. A young man of the company, not liking that outer portion of the food, was observed by the host to be carefully removing the outside cov- ering, whereupon the latter said, ‘‘ Young man, we eat the rind and all here.” To which the youth replied, ‘All right, old man; I’m cut- ting it off for you.” —Unidentified Ex. Ir we take a baby of, say, six months old, and of the weight of about thirty pounds, and drop it from a height of four feet to the floor, +| it will break into from two to eight pieces. Of course, the pieces remain attached to each other by clothing and pins, but that its frame- work is broken a very superficial inspection will show. It is this extreme liability to break which renders careful men so reluctant to hold babies.—. Y. Zimes. ‘I'nis is the way the Rochester Democrat quotes the President's ‘Thanksgiving proclama- tion: “Let us with one spirit and with one voice lift up praise and thanksgiving to God for His manifold goodness to our land, His manifest care for the nation. “Detroit does not want an obelisk, What is demanded here is a ten-mile section of the Chinese wall along the river, with all corner loafers on the river side. “Now, therefore, I, Rutherford B. Hayes, President of the United States, do appoint,” etc. BRETHREN, let us stand up and lay our sev- eral hands on our respective hearts, and swear that, in view of the war in the East, and the further fact that ‘hanksgiving proclama- tions have already begun to streak the pale air, we will abstain from all intoxicating jokes on ‘Turkey during the month of November. Let us have no hand in the dressing of ‘lurkey this overburdened year.— Hawkeye. Tuere has just been made public a funny incident of the recent Ohio election. Mr. John C. Covert was running for the Legis- lature on the Republican ticket, when it was recalled by the opposition managers that in June, 1876, he had written a very sensible aiticle on “Cheap Living,” an article in which he showed, with the ability of Miss Juliet Car- son, that a soup could be made at a cost of six cents for peas, onions, asparagus, spinach, and a small beef-bone which the butcher was almost willing to give away, a soup that was savory and nutritious and would make a meal for a poor man’s family. Mr. Covert was thereupon as- sailed as ‘the soup-bone candidate,” who thought that refuse beef-bones were good enough for American workingmen; cartoons presented him as ladling out soup in exchange for workingmen’s votes, or as running down the workingwwen, armed with a soup-bone and a syringe charged with broth. ‘The result was that it took the official count to decide that he was elected by some twenty votes, though his district went Republican by a large majority. This recalls the fact that Tom Corwin won his first Congressional election in a district hope- lessly opposition by telling how his opponent, who did indeed wear “ store-clothes,” slept in a night-gown. He intended the story for a joke, but the freemen of Ohio took it in earn- est, and, rallying against the pampered aristo- crat, defeated him. A somewhat similar story is told of a Whig candidate in New York, who, stopping for a dinner at a wayside inn, ordered his beefsteak to be broiled and not fried. Whe- ther his alert constituents thought he was re- lapsing into savagery or putting on airs is not known, but they promptly made that broiled beefsteak a live issue in the campaign, and he was defeated.— Boston Fost. —eaeaeae—sSsSSS comicbooks.com