Puck — November 21, 1877 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. An interesting story comes from Arizona. Kellogg and Carter owned a mining claim, and foolishly quarreled about it. Kellogg was a man of few words; “light and free was his touch upon his revolver.” With little ado, he fired at his partner, and supposed that he had sent a bullet into his breast; but behold: Car- ter was a good young man, and had a Bible in the pocket of his gray working-shirt. The ball struck upon the sacred book, its course was turned, and Carter was unhurt. Then the good young man whipped out his gleaming bowie- knife, sprang upon Kellogg, and carved him so artistically that his hold on his revolver relaxed and he was like to die. The good young man staunched his opponent’s wound, and rode away for a physician, returning within twenty- four hours, having made a total distance of over ninety miles. Kellogg is recovering. Carter, to avoid arrest, sought to cross the river, and this time the Bible didn’t save him. He was drowned. ‘The moral of this recital is very intricate. But it is plain that Carter wasn’t born to be hanged. How the Police Inspectors are made game of istold bya French paper: A Police In- spector being informed that a restaurateur in his bailiwick was serving game out of season, visits the restaurant and orders dinner. ‘“ Wai- ter,” says he, ‘can you give me a salmi of par- tridge?” “Settingly, sir,” replies the waiter, promptly, and yells to the cook: “ Partridge for one.” The inspector finishes his dinner leisurely, and then says to the waiter: ‘Ask the boss to step this way a minute.” ‘ What for?” “I wish to notify him to appear in Court to-morrow and answer for selling par- tridges out of season.” “Oh, I guess it ain't worth while bothering him about that.” “Do asItell you. Iam the Police Inspector, and have secured the necessary evidence against him.” “Oh, I spotted you, and guessed what ou were after. It wasn’t partridge you had.” olice Inspector (uneasily)— What was it, then?” Waiter (cheerfully) —“ Crow.” Tue other day a New York teamster was brutally beating a bay mule with a paint-brush tail, when Henry Bergh, President A. S. P. C. A., Tushed in and caught the fellow’s uplifted arm and cried, “Stay! Hold!” Just then the mule, who had reserved his fire until some one came in range, looked back, and fired a ninety- four pound hoof that caught Mr. Bergh about midships, and soured all the milk of human kindness in his hold quicker than a thunder- clap. ‘Kill him!” hissed the great philan- thropist between hisset teeth, as he bowed him- self over his clasped hands and sought the nearest drug store, in the attitude of a boy who has tarried long at the green apples, “ Kill him! Pound the hair off him! ‘Tear out his heart with a nail-grab, the long-legged, iron-jawed, thick-headed son of iniquity! Pull his accursed legs out by the roots and cut him into fish-bait before you burn him alive! Oh-h-h, diddledy doggone a billy be doggoned son of a gun of a mule, anyhow!" — Phila, Ev, Bulletin. Cuarces Backus, the San Franciscan, says: - “Twas born, not like the generality of people who become known—of poor, but honest pa- rents. I was born of wealthy parents, who were not only honest to begin with, but re- mained so, consequentially I am not related to any bank presidents, heads of insurance com- panies, check-raisers, or defaulting cashiers. My proudest record is that I have never run away. Iamone of the few men left in a glori- ous country which is fast becoming depopulated by the exodus of the clergy, the enforced re- tirement from a society which they adorned, of merchants and the wide world of respectable and pious gentlemen who have sudden and un- expected difficulties about their accounts.” Tue Oil City Derrick says: Some of the “funny” items that are going the rounds are very similar to the following. They remind one of a mutual admiration society: Jam smart.—Mud Creek Gazette. That's so; I’m another.—Busti Herald. So am 1.— Slam Bang Sentinel, Correct! But none of you are quoit (that’s a pun) so smart as I.— Fryburg Free Press. Good! Count us in- Modoc Mentioner. Excellent! And we can't be counted out. See ?—S/ablown Journal. Oh, you are all smart; we are smart; we think we are smart; we know we are smart; we think other folks think we are smart.—Ellery Exam ner. THE TRUTH AT LAST. In order to protect the public against imposition, and as a rebuke to unscrupulous advertisers, the Judges on Pianos at the Centen- nial Exhibition, Philadelphia, 1876, have given to Steinway & Sons the following CERTIFICATE: “This is to certify that the piano-fortes of Messrs. Steinway & Sont, comprising Concertand Parlor Grand, Square and Upright, exhibited by them at the Centennial Exposition at Philadelphia in 1876, presented the great- ext lotality of excellent qualities and novelty of conitruct- ion, and in all points of excellence they received our highest average of points, and accordingly our unanimous opizion concedes to Messrs. Steinway & Sons’ *Highest legree of excellence in alt their styles.” Dated July 28, 1877. Heme Uurven, poser Hoey, FA. P. Barxano. E. Levasseen, fasts C. Warsox, | E. Hitcaro, Wrttas Tromson, Gro. F. Bristow, J. Scamepstavex, The following are the ratings as originally made and copied from the note-book of the examining Judges, duly certified by them ON STEINWAY & SONS’ PIANOS: 6.00 Square Pianos, out of a possible 6! fon Upright Pianos, out of a possible 96! Box bole Grade cot of souls Bt 34.00 Concert Grands, out of a possible gt 953 GRAND TOTAL AVERAGE 95}! ‘The next highest exhibitor reached a total average of 90), only. Alltabies of ratings published by other pianoforte manvfactur= ers are declared false and fraudulent by authority of the Judges. EVERY STEINWAY PIANO IS FULLY WARRANTED FOR 6 YEARS. Iilustrated Catalogues, with Price List, mailed free on applt- cation, STEINWAY & SONS’ WAREROOMS, STEINWAY HALL, 109 & 111 East Fourteenth St., NEW YORK. To sen av a's! PUCK’S Tlustrated Almanae, (GERMAN.) 8vo. 160 pp. boards. EDITED BY LEOPOLD SCHENCK and GEORG ASMUS. 100 ORIGINAL ILLUSTRATIONS ay JOSEPH KEPPLER. Price, 35 Cents. ———<————— In Memoriam Brigham Young. To supply the demand for the above-named illustration, depicting the ‘‘ Mormon’s Empty Pillow,” and owing to the fact that the edition of “Puck” containing it has been entirely ex- hausted, the cartoon has been published as a single sheet, and can be obtained from any newsdealer in the country. “PUCK” PUBLISHING CO., 13 North William Street, New York. PUCK’S Pictorial Department SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT. Havinc completed all necessary arrangements, and in compliance with numerous requests, the publishers and proprietors of Puck take pleasure in announcing that they have opened a GENERAL DESIGNING OFFICE, where the services of the best artists in America, including those of the dis- tinguished cartoonist, Mr. JOSEPH KEPPLER, are employed in furnishing all kinds of Illustrations, in the most perfect style, on short notice, and at reason- able rates, The Theatrical Profession will find it to their especial advantage, in arranging for LITHOGRAPHIC PORTRAITS, to apply at this office, where Mr. Joseru Kerrcer is in personal charge of the department. Address, Puck Publishing Company, 13 N. WILLIAM ST., NEW YORK.