Puck — September 12, 1877 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A rew short weeks more, and the ice-cooler may again be used as a receptacle for old hats and boots that have earned the right to honor- able discharge from service. Axp the summer boarding-house keeper me: | ditatively remarks: “Waal, done better 'n I expected. Got though ‘thont killin’ th’ old cow. Guess we kin hold her over for next seayon—ch, Jake?” and then Davenport” said the Western ‘Tragedian, chewii his wooden toothpick on the Union Square Plaza, “T tell you, me boy, there aren’t many of us left now. | “Hes ve Bar gone Asp now the oyster saloon cook polishes his pots and pans, and the the smart waiter tries with what precision he can sling a card-board check and shy a square inch of napkin at the head of a lover of the acephalous mollusk. ‘Tne, ticket-speculator is again at the doors of our theatres, and inquiry will reveal the fact that he has managed to enliven the tedium of the idle summer months by getting light and congenial employment with a traveling gang of burglars, ‘Tue maiden sings “ ‘There are no birds in last year’s nest; but to the observant eye the multitude of occupants in the indifications of 1877 is not so excessive as to call for particular remark. ‘Tue ministers are returning to town, but the gospel-mill grinds kind of slowly at first, and the millers don't seem to get the firm grip, as } it were, that they will undoubtedly develop as soon as the Saratoga and Newport season iso He walked in with a weary step, and a mild and submissive expression; and in answer to the question: “What is your name?” he said: “1 am Brigh—" “Here, that will do,” said the Recording Angel, slipping a free ‘check into his hand, “ Gabriel, pass this gentleman right through to heaven. ‘He's had Ais circus,” “Fulminant ap'pleeshy, m' dear!” he said, as he staggered in and braced up against the front door, “sympsons~simpums, [ mean— came on fi’ affer lunch. New d'sease—been | allthistime get’n’ overit. Ought be thankerful | didn’t catch me way it did’ Shteers— Thiers whazzername—helf fel! up, Matilda ‘Tue young man feels the keen wind of au tumn whistling through his striped suit, and he feels that the year is passing with rapid steps into the cavérnous tomb of the ages. But he | smiles as he walks out with the maiden of his | choice, for he knows that the ice-cream saloon’| is closed, and the proprietor has gone into the | barber business for the winter. ‘Tuey held a congress in the happy hunting. grounds at the end of th The green peach said: “1 have slain my tens of thousands;” and the watermelon remarked: “1 have been the medium through which several hundred thousand passed in’ their checks.” But when the rotund clam-bake arose and took the floor the assembled company hid their heads in. si lence, and took an immediate and unhesitating tumbie. season, | schooner of beer, and said very solemnly: PUCK. DIOGENES AT THE SEAT OF WAR. “Young man, a wife in the abstract is a mere cipher. Seventeen wives in seventeen abstracts are just seventeen ciphers!” “ Ah!" said our reporter, scratching his ear. “But suppose she isn't in the abstract, suppose she's in the parlor or kitchen—what would you do then?” “T'd leave her there “Then you wouldn't mind having seventeen wives?” “Tdidn't say that, sir,”- exclaimed Mr. Beecher. “Don't go back to Puck and say I said anything like that. ‘That's the way they put up that dollar-a-day job on me.” “ But to return to the question of a successor. What do you think of Mormonism?” “Asa religion it is heathenish, but asa social condition it has its advantages. It teaches the value of one good sound man weighed in the scale with many weak women. “You bet on the good sound man every time, don’t you?” “Ff do." “Don't you think Brigham Young had a | great deal of true inwardness 2” “T do not. No man can have true inward- ness who had so much outwardness as Brigham. | If he wanted seventeen wives, well, and good; but he had no business to flaunt his connu- bial plurality in so impolitic a way. “Tell me, Mr. Beecher," finally observed our reporter, in a desperate effort to corner the Brooklyn Prophet, “would you accept the place left vacant by Brigham Young ? “ "That's a leading question, I don't care to mon Kingdom he hardly anticipated the wild | answer. 1 will say this Much=—1 have all my enthusiasm with which the suggestion has met. |’ ,cahe wants of yearning hearts; if I can From all parts of the country letters have flooded | Hi") Comfort to other of i berexved reople in our sanctum, approving of the candidate, each | Prine (MO ‘be bat obeyingthe guiding rules writer vieing with the other in proving the | of my life if I went and served that yearning— pastors qualifications for the proud | fF "brought comfort to those homes It having been deemed advisable to learn | sa. beni you connie: yourself the Great Com how the reverend Henry felt disposed towards ee ae ee Ten Bei said these new prospective glories, a reporter was | yq,_ ys ‘ ea dispatched to the ‘win Mountain House to | «1 think you would be a much better man in seek a personal interview with the coming | his place,” answered our reporter. Prophet Of Ne SAIDtGs i ceroaue “Do you, indeed ?" said Mr. Beecher, with ee ey eeecher was found playing croquet of | eaverness, clutching his hand warmly. ¢ lawn, and as the reporter came up he was | “7 do, indeed; and rest assured, Mr. Beecher, just in the act of making a split-shot,.. | ifat any'time you should need my assistance in On being suddenly addressed, his mallet | 4a} —that is to say, if you find that one sound slipped and’ a pair of pink stockings made a | UN that is {0 say, frantic effort to reach the top of a small tree, se Enough said the Prophet i spe. “Wait with @ head of strawberry-colored hair in the | yntit Taceept. | have duties at home, which oe. | will occupy my whole time. ‘I'he great_draw- jejhitting, the young, Nady upy with all. that | pack: is tat Brigham leaves fifty-six children, , ded ankle | 3+ one lick is too much, too much, in arnica, and. made sundry other Samaritan |" «rhe reporter tried to reconcile Mr. Beecher suggestions, which were declined with aloving 44 that feature of his office by painting delight smile that: was:almost as good as-consent. in other quarters, and then left him, looking Vhen, turning savagely to the reporter, who | Joy cheerful. had interrupted the split-shot, Mr. Beecher said, | “"Y"May then safely conclude, that it is the dee eeteeiiag universal desire in Utah to have Mr, Beecher aevell, «er on hand; and if Mr. Beecher can break loose The reporter, begged an interview. Mr. | from his Brooklyn constituents, there is no Hicecher said, * Wait till the game is finished.” | (ohne what he may do. And the reporter waited, | Mr, Heecher soon touched the stake, became rover, and helped his side to victory. He rejoined the reporter. “Mr, Beecher,” said PccK's representative, | “ your name has been suggested. as a suc to Brighain Young—would you be prepared to enter upon the duties of the office—" speckled blue—nature may be said to be in its over= “The duties? Duties? What are the du- alls.— Fulton Times ties" Considering that Nature is generally admitted ‘The Puck reporter laughed, and said he | to be of feminine gender, isn’t it rather rough on the old lady to talk about her shirt-sleeves didn't know exactly what the duties were, but } suppased Mr, Beecher could soon find out. and her overalls? Boys, be consistent, at all “But do you think, Mr. Beecher, you could | events and say that when she isin a storm she sets her bustle up, or something equally beauti- | ful, poetic and feminine. Don't unsex her for | the sake of a joke, whatever you do. He explains to the officer who writes the dispatch “1 didn't come here to look for an honest man, you | know; The Coming Mormon Prophet AN INTERVIEW WITH HENRY WARD BEECHER. SKA THEN “Puck” made the nomination | P of Henry Ward Beecher as the suc- ©" cessor of Brigham Young in the Mor- We clip the following rash comments from an exchange: When the sky is filled with white clouds, nature sor may be said to be in its shirt-sleeves. Whitehall Yimes. Nw when the sky is bathed in bloc— manage seventeen wives?” Mr. Beecher braced like himself up 315699 aaa} comicbooks.com