Puck — September 12, 1877 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

"PUCK", No. 13 North William Street, New York FOR SALE BY ALL NEWS DEALERS, Terms Jo Sunscripens. yy one year, or 59 aumbers 1y. Six months, oF 26 numbers One Copy for thirteen weeks I draw a long breath of min- | gled gratitude and joy. I have passed the Rubicon of a first volume, and, booming ahead’ on another, flaunt: my virility in the face of the world, and ask its inmates to laugh and be merry with me. Iam happy. Happy in the possession of Virtue. . For six months past?k five hammered away at Vice, until, cowed, She sneaks into a corner and wishes she had never been born, | Which makes my birth all the more satis- factory. Tam still young—but healthy. You have used me well, and I have been free from even the petty ills that infant flesh is ordinarily heir to. Keep on in your brotherly and sisterly treat- ment and I shall grow bolder and stronger every day of my life. For I come of good stock. Thought is my sire, and Mirth my mother. My parents are still in the prime of life, and bid fair to live a thousand years! Let us then be up and doing, nerved for coming conquests by past successes, bent upon felfilling the duties that lie near, with sufficient Thought to be sincere—free in that thought as the boundless air—yet with that abundance of Mirth which offers solace for stray wounds and adds, day by day, to the claims of friend- ship. I begin my second volume with pleasant pspects of further victory. T have no rivals. Even if | had, with you to cheer me, I should not fear them. , Here's to you! Ever yours, Puck. KELLY’S DAINTY DISH. VERYBODY knows that Controller Kelly and ‘Tammany are synonymous —and if everybody is not aware of this fact, the latest manifesto, mild though it be, issued by the Boss ought to leave no doubt in the minds of the merest iyro in city polit ‘The fan- cied victory over the one-man power two years ago, when Kelly's nominations were apparently defeated, has been neutralized and succeeded by a state of things more deplorable than ever, New York city is practically in the hands of Kelly, who distributes the offices and farms out | its revenues as if it were an estate created for his especial benefit. ‘The Czar of all the Rus- sias could not rule more despotically - in fact, in some respect his authority is gentle in com- parison. ‘The citizens are groaning under the burden of taxation to pay an army of use less, dishonest and unprincipled office-holders, PUCK. thrust into positions for which nine-tenths of them are about as much qualified as a Bashi- Bazouk. Enjoying princely salaries, while thousands of the poor are almost if not actually starving—the holders of property, once well- to-do, have their possessions rendered valueless by unjust assessments to feed these cormorants. ‘This is spoliation not legitimate taxation. It is money drawn from honest men to keep a parcel of rascals in office. Puck has no confidence in ‘Tammany. As it is not easy to handle pitch without being defiled, so is a disciple of ‘l'am- many utterly unfit te be a good citizen. All directly or indirectly connected with it are tarred with the same brush, ‘The aldermen, the coroners, and a thousand other vampires who feed on the life’s blood of the city in salaries out of all proportion to the services they render, ought to bring a flush to the cheek of every respectable New Yorker who takes any pride in the prosperity of the great city. Puck appealsto you: ‘O! citizens, —the remedy is in your own hands. It is not a question of national politics. Recognize no dis- tinction between Democrat and Republican, but recognize honesty and knavery, recognize respectability and rowdyism, recognize the necessity of counteracting the demoralizing in- fluence of the iniquitous ‘l'ammany institution, and never resting until every creature of Kelly's is ultimately ousted from a position which it is impossible he can worthily fill. ‘There are sev- eral thousands of these knaves, and it but re- quires a little vigorous action to scatter them and ‘Tammany to the winds, for New York to retrieve herself in the eyes of the country and the world.” MAC MAHON'S SORROW. France mourns for a patriot and a great | statesman, for such was ‘Thiers in spite of his vanity and often erratic policy. He guided her safely through the darkest days of her trib- ulation that she was again able to lift up her head proudly among the nations of earth. ‘The death of ‘Thiers is a heavy loss to France, especially at the present time when there are so many rival candidates for power, nearly all of whom are arowed enemies of a conservative republic which form of government ‘Thiers in his wisdom believed to be best suited to the French people. ‘Thiers was always a thorn in the side of Mac Mahon, the stolid, narrow-minded soldier who at present sways the destinies of France, Mac Mahon abhors republicanism and liberal- nas much as he favors monarchy and ultra- montanism. Now, with the army at his back and ‘Thiers in his grave, Mac Mahon is in the position to do pretty much, as he pleases, for he fearsnot Gambetta, Which of the claimants to the throne will he favor, or will he secure the position permanently for himself, and be in everything but name, aking or emperor? Who knows, but even that may be his aim. Mac | Mahon followed by those who have much to hope for from him, puts on a mournful air and sheds crocodile’s tears as he attends the obse- quies of the dead patriot. But he secretly re- joices—and he and his time-serving followers would manifest their unqualified satisfaction at the event in the most spirited of can-cans— but such an exhibition would scarcely be con sidered proper. CASHIERS AND CASH. In is avery nice thing to be a cashier of a bank, but it is by no means an easy thing to obtain such a responsible position. Only nice intelligent boys, who are quick at figures and shining lights’ in Sunday-schools, can ever as- pire to so noble an office. Well may a cash- ier be envied. ‘lo be able to bounce the clerks and customers—to turn up your nose at an en- emy’s “ paper”—to be hand-in-glove with the wealthy directors of the bank—to roll among the twenty-dollar pieces—finger the crisp green- backs—are privileges only accorded to these highly-favored mortals. ‘Then if he desires to increase his income, how delightfully easy it is for him to help himself. Several things may im- pel him to this course. He may wish to trv his luck at roulette, or to take “just a flyer” on ; Wall Street, or, better still, to retire from busi- ness and to be in receipt of a comfortable in- come for the remainder of his days. At roulette it was always provokingly black when he wished it to be white—the double O would never come up and Western Union & Pacific Mail which ought to have risen ten per cent fell twenty. His accounts are wrong -that is matter of small moment. He must go toa buss burglar, who with his pals come in the dead of night, and demands the keys and combination of the safe —what can the cashier do but give them—he and his wife are gagged—the directors weep at their sufferings. ‘I'he cashier and wife's nerves have been unstrung—they must take a trip to Europe, which they do, but not before the cashier has secured his share of the “swag” to pay incidental expenses. Puckerings. ‘Tere is nothing like a live newspaper for information. No sooner had the cable flashed across the Atlantic the news of the death of M. ‘Thiers than the Graphic arose and told its who M. Thiers was, stating in the unmistakable ac- cents of truth that “he was small, stout, and witha face slightly resembling that of a parrot, and wore unusually large spectacles. So Mars has another satellite. ‘Thists really too much. Our planet is worth more than Mars any day, and yet we have to put up with one played-out moon, while Mars has three brand new ones. ‘There has obviously been some fraudulent counting-in done by the Solar System Returning Board. Mr. Truttove, a London publisher, is in trouble about publishing a book on Moral Philosophy. ‘Ihe fact is almost too apparent to be alluded to; however, we cannot help ob- erving that we are once more reminded that the course of ‘Truclove never did run smooth, “Tue use of hair-dye will cause paralysis,” was the line he read, and he dropped the paper while a bead of cold perspiration rolled down his forhehead. He was a young man with a young moustache. He looked into the glass and said consolingly: “ Paralysis ?—Paralysis | of what? I guess, I'm all right “rue young lady without an abdomen,” who exhibited in the Bowery under the poetic name of Melusine, was arrested last week as a | fraud. She proved to have the complement of | physical proportions, and this elegant. suffici- ency ruined her profession as a freak of nature. In her pocket was found this poem, signed E. A.P. (We need not add that it is by the late lamented author of “The Raven Melusine, ® so they named her, Stomachless, but beauteous bright! In a looking-glass they framed her To deceive the people's sight. But the angels wouldn't stand it, “ Move on, Mellie,” they commanded. Melusine’s biz was stranded, And she vanished ere the night ~@ Please pronounce Mel-w-seeney, for the sake of the metre, and to oblige E. A. P. comicbooks.com