Puck — March 1877 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

< F-/6-3/ THOMPSON OF “ANGELS.” Py BRET HARTE. Ter is the story of Thompson—o_ .’hompson, ak the hero of “Angels;” > Frequently drunk was ‘Thompson, but al- ways polite to the stranger; Light and free was the touch of Thompson upon his revolver; Great the mortality incident on that lightness and freedom; Yet not happy nor gay was Thompson, the hero of “Angels,” Often spoke to himself in accents of anguish and sorrow, “Why do I make the graves of the frivolous youth who in folly ‘Thoughtlessly pass my revolver, forgetting its lightness and freedom ?” “Why in my daily walks does the surgeon drop his left eye-lid, The undertaker smile, and the sculptor of grave- stone marbles Lean on his chisel and gaze? I care not o’er- much for attention; Simple am I in my ways, save but for this light- ness and freedom.” So spake that pensive man—this Thompson, the hero of “Angels,” Bitterly smiled to himself, as he strode through the chapparal, musing. “Why, O why?” echoed the pines in their dark olive depth far resounding, “Why, indeed?" whispered the sage brush, that bent ’neath his feet non-elastic. * * . * * * Pleasant indeed was that morn that dawned o'er the bar-room at “Angels,” Where in their manhood’s prime was gathered the pride of the hamlet. 4 Six “took sugar in theirs,” and nine to the barkeeper lightly Smiled as they said, “Well, Jim, you can give us our regular fusil.”” Suddenly, as the grey bank swoops down on the barn-yard, alighting Where, pensively picking their corn, the favorite pullets are gathered, So in that festive bar-room dropped Thompson, the hero of “Angels,” Grasping his weapon dread with his pristine lightness and freedom. Never a word he spoke; divesting himself of “=shis garments, Danced the war dance of the playful yet truc- ulent Modoc, Uttered a single whoop and then in the accents of challenge, Spake, “O. behold in me a Crested Jay Hawk of the Mountain.” Then rose a pallid man —a man sick with fever and ague; Small was he and his step was tremulous, weak and uncertain; Slowly a Derringer drew and covered the person of Thompson, Said in his feeblest pipe, “I’m a Bald-Headed Snipe of the Valley!” As on its rative plains the kangeroo, startled by hunters, Leaps with successive bounds, and hurries away to the thickets, So leaped the “Crested Hawk,” and quietly hopping behind him Ran and occasionally shot that “ Bald-headed Snipe of the Valley.” Vain at the festive bar still lingered the people of “‘Angels,”” -| Hearing up afar in the woods the petulant pop of the pistol; Never again returned the ‘Crested Jay Hawk of the Mountain.” a Never again was seen the “ Bald-headed Snipe of the Valley.” Yet in the hamlet of “Angels,” when truculent speeches are uttered, When bloodshed and life alone will atone for some trifling misstatement, Maidens and men in their prime recall the last hero of “Angels” — ‘Think of and vainly regret the “ Bald-headed Snipe of the Valley!” THE RECENT ECLIPSE OF THE SUN. (Mot in the Almanach.) TELEPHONIC RELIGION. The most soul-soothing of all purposes to which the Telephone, the newly constructed sound-conveyer, can be put, has just been sug- gested. Moony a Sanxey are still in large de- mand in this city; but they are as urgently needed in Brigham Young’s domain. ‘Tele- phones are to be immediately laid on at Gil- more’s Garden, and the services are to be held in Salt Lake City. Thus the Mormonites and the Gothamites can be edified simultaneously; and Sankey's voice will go through from Omaha to New York without change of cars. How scienceis progressing | Pauckerings. The “City Items” department of the Com- mercial has some very startling information every now and then. The other evening it said that ‘Elevators’ flues carry fire into upper chambers.” We will not attempt to argue the truth of this terrible statement. We are merely struck dumb in admiration of the architectural youth who can build such sentences on short notice. “Economy does not consist only in saving and sparing, but also in using everything when there is need for it,” as the man said when he fished out an old trunk-strap from among his relics and laid it across his son’s back, A negro in Augusta, Georgia, put on a white shirt, and went into a baryoom to show it off; he got into a row there and shot a man.. If people will be guilty of the reprehensible practice of wearing white shirts, this sort of thing must be expected. The native poet is spreading himself on Hayes’s election. His qualifying nouns’ vary from the sVairpe ” to the “Rightful Ruther- ford;” but he always manages.to find a rhyme. for them. Henry Bergh writes to the Herald defending the Spitz, and says that the saliva of an in~ furiated man is just as dangerous as that of the We havn't made hydrophobia a study, but saliva—well, the subject is not a pleasant one. At any rate, to show our dislike for the Spitz, we have banished the Cuspadores from our sanctum. A man complained that he had a pane in his stomach, On investigation, it was found that he’d only swallowed blue glass. A terrible 'threat is held forth by the proprie- tor of a Baltimore hotel, to ex] , in the columns of a dramatic newspaper all the names of actors owing board-bills, This will prove very interesting reading; if the editor runs short of copy, a few names picked up here and there and flung in, will prove exciting matter to fill up with. New or South Russia, comprises Bessarabia, Kherson, Taurida Yekaterinoslar and the terri- tory of the Don Cossacks, but how the map- makers ever found room to get these places in, when they drew Russia, is a geographical con- undrum. A writer in the London Belgravia struggles through a poem entitled “My Peculiarity,” in five verses, at the end of each telling us he “never can write with a wasp in the room.” The concluding lines run thus: When my own shall be erided—it matters not how— They may carve on the marble that graces my tomb— “‘He was not a bad poet, as poets go now, But he never could write with a wasp in the room!” It is singular that we are apt to be affected by a similar cause. And two or three frisky rattlesnakes, a playful polecat, or even a young and lively elephant, fondling us in our room when we are writing, disturbs our equanimity considerably. President Hayes has resolved that both his Exterior and Interior shall be kept in good condition by close-fitting Schurs, A naturalist proves that Jonah had quite a comfortable hall bedroom in the whale’s belly. He ought to keep his theories to himself, out of charity to impecunious boarding-house keepers or New York harbor will be overrun’ with whales offering accommodations for single gen- tlemen at ruinously low prices, and the wails of the landladies will be great. We are beginning to believe that the “Sun” really does feel bad over Hayes’s inauguration. It's sad to think how often the “Sun” feels bad in the course of @ year. ; The Tribune says: “It is now Mr. Hayes’ turn to ask, ‘Am I a vassal or apeer?'” Hayes doesn’t ap peer to vassalate much whatever he A San Francisco’ bride made her wedding trip upon a vessel on which she was born twenty years ago. We suppose they gave her a good berth on board in consequence, ? The London Lancet defines “ Moderate Drinking” as that which ee imred thnk a ee tongue, a good appetite, a slow pulse, a cool ie clear head, a steady hand, good walking power, and light, refreshing sleep. - Puck thinks moderate drinking is that which consists with _ fifteen cents, a friend to furnish them, and some lemon in it. 315693