Puck — March 1877 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. “PUCK”, : No. 13 North William Street, New York. FOR SALE BY ALL NEWS DEALERS. Jerus To Supscrimers. One Copy one year, or s2 numbers......+. One Copy, six months, or 26 numbers. One Copy for thirteen weeks... Posrace Feex Notice to Authors and Artists. Literary and artistic contributions are solicited. Address all manu- scripts and sketches to Editor “Puck”, 13 North Wilham St, New York. TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN. Iam here. And I don't apol- ogize for being here.’ I only hope my appearance will be as agreeable to you as it is to me. Thave a mission to fulfill. Every- ,bodyshas; but like almost every- body else I caiit éxactly tell what that mission is until I have found out definitely myself. I know I am expected to be good-natured and smile at things as they pass: Lintend to. I may even venture to observe that I shall smile at some things whether they pass or not. But while putting my girdle round about the earth, Ihope F shall gather, in a genial, pleasant way, a harvest of things that may sink deep into the soul of even those who refuse to smile on the slightest provocation. I shall have pensive moods—occasionally; no oftener than cir- cumstances compel, but often enough to prove that I have not come merely as a flippant play- thing to amuse you in your idle moments, but rather as a pleasant confidential companion, who will be the best-natured fellow in the world—if you will only let him. Faithfully yours PUCK. TORPEDOES IN HIS PATH. Prestpen Haves has a heavy Cabinet on his back, which some of the leaders of the Re- publicar'party would not grieve, if he toppled over with. Tread gently Rutherford, and you will disappoint the expectations of Morose Morton, Bellowing Blaine and Carping Cam- eron. WAGNER'S METHODS. ‘The delightful harmony and melody of Wag- ner’s music is scarcely appreciated by the aver- age concert and opera-goers, owing to their proverbial obtuseness. Puck undertakes: to remedy this crying evil by explaining ‘the theory of Wagner's effects in a manner which will be understood by all. The delicate mech- anism for this purpose is characteristically indicated by the artist. In oné of those blood-curdling items for which the column headed “Personal Intel- ligence” in the Hera/d has become famous, we read that “‘ Hayes likes Rhine wine.—What the president elect is going to do in retaliation for this sudden and terrible exposure of his de- praved tastes, is a subject for debate. MARDIGRASTIC, On the 4th of April there is going to be a carnival procession. It has béen heralded by. an announcement from somebody named “Rex.” That's done to let us see that there is one, at least, in the family who knows Latin. King Carnival usually puts in’ an appearance before Lent, but the delay in the late election knocked his riotous Majesty out of joint and he comes in a little behind, this time, on the “home stretch,” as it were. He is flanked by Wm. St. Martin, a playful gentleman, who very incongruously styles himself “Earl Marshall of the Kingdom” and “Colonel,” and there are a score of fiery youths full of ambition and ideas, at his back ready to take part in the procession. We wish the thing success, We need something to enliven us. Nothing short of a procession will answer. We want a long one, a strong one, and one altogether. New York has been asleep; it wants waking up. It hasn’t had a real sensation in a great while. A building falling down every now and then, or a panic in a church, or a pugilist firing off pistols indiscriminately and getting sent to jail for it, will do well enough for inexpensive trifles; but we haven't had a real costly, stunn- ing thing in sensation for many aday. ‘There's satisfaction in knowing that at last Col. St. Martin, the Earl Marshall, has hit it. Part of his programme is to be an Industrial procession. Industries ought to be encouraged. Babbit's Soap will flaunt its banner and will give away bars of the raw material to the unwashed arist- ocracy. What could there be more thrilling than that? -Brandreth’s Pills will join the ranks, and anybody wanting samples to swal- low will be furnished with them free of charge. No doubt Nicoll, the tailor, will be on hand sewing on buttons in a triumphal car and measuring pantaloons to the music of the band. But there is to be more than this. To the average un-inspired citizen there may be a whirl wind of delight in these exciting features; but they would not satisfy the taste ofthe esthetic. Music, Science, Art, Literature, Politics, and all that sort of thing are to consti- tute another portion of the bill. The history of America is to be illustrated in migrating tableaux. Columbus and the egg is to be the first picture. The egg is to be laid on purpose; and the henon whom the responsibility falls is now in training for the event. We understand also that several really noteworthy living pictures of “contemporaneous human interest!” are to be included. In advance of all contemporaries we have obtained a list of a few of these. We present them here: 1,, Gov. Hayes, as he is being counted in, with movable figures of filibusters and bull- dozers. 2., Richard Wagner in the act of composing his “ Walkiire”, with the mechanism of his brain fully explained in wheels. 3+, Augustin Daly applying for an injunction, with a wreath of lemons around his head, and the ghosts of departed foreign authors hoyering over him, 4, Chas. A. Dana, in deep mournjng, with a flag in his hat, at half-mast. 5+» Joseph Tooker, with a step ladder taking a “Trip, to the Moon” with complimentary tickets for the lunar inhabitants. 6., James Gordon Bennett in Algiers fighting a-duel with a Spitz-dog. 7., Stephen Fiske under ‘“ Blue Glass”, shak- ing hands with a dead-head. 8., Emma Abbott in silk tights, weeping over the depravity of the stage and hunting for her middle notes with a tuning-fork. These are but a few of the striking features of the procession. We fully believe that, if the thing is carried out in the spirit in which it is conceived, it will be a success. =~ “READY!” —“AYE, READY!” Giver it has gone forth to the world that “) Puck was to be one of the shining lights in the firmament of journalism, letters have been showered on us like “the leaves of Valambrosa”. Our peerless intellectual staff has already had to be largely increased, mainly for the purpose of opening and classifying the innumerable communications. What are we going to do? appears to be the question that is now agitating the minds of the American people, and causing them painful anxiety and suspense, and, as we are informed by lead- ing members of the faculty, the disease of In- somnia or loss of sleep is spreading extensively from the same cause. While deploring this melancholy state of things, we console ourselves in the fact that it can exist no longer, for Puck, which is now given to a million expectant read- ers, we modestly admit, is the best medicine for all the ills that flesh is heir to, and is positively a certain cure for anything and everything. It lzaves Russian Baths, Health Lifts, and Ayer’s Pills a long way behind, and “Blue-Glass” can’t “hold a candle to it” neither in immediate ef- fects or ulterior results, So take Puck once a week by all means, and as many of him as you please. What are we going to do? would fill one or two volumes to attempt to answer satis- factorily. What we are not going todo? would be a more pertinent question, and even this we don’t know how to reply to. “Musicus" asks, if that which “hath charms to soothe the savage breast” will receive attention. Of course it will, —there is a “cuss” specially appointed to look after it, besides each member of our staff is an “Admirable Crichton”, and can consequently attend to any department, at a pinch. In proot of our assertion observe how we've “spread our- selves” on Wagner this week. Other corresp- ondents urge that we look after the drama. We should rather think we will indeed—why, no man is admitted on Puck, who has not written a play, and to this rule we make no exception. Criticism that would make a Macaulay or a Schlegel feel small. Mechanics, that would take the wind out of the sails of Brunel or Stephenson. Philosophy, that would cause Compte and Hegel to turn in their graves. Literature, of course, touches us where we're solid. Politics, Poultry, Pickles, Poetry—all these branches, and others, too numerous to mention, will be exhaustively dwelt upon in our columns, and as for the Wit and Humor— well, our modesty forbids us saying anything more about that for the present. A F-/b-3/ comicbooks.com