Puck — December 17, 1879 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. CHAPTER XXX, Crar, «« Egad, my lord, we two are all the talk, And hugely famous—as Puck’s ANNUAL.” Lorp Percy.— “«Aye, good cousin mine; Like any other new monstrosity — Two-headed giants—succulent vegetables Of growth abnormal: ‘tis a childish world, Whose silly tongue is ever prone to babble.” — Conareve. How these newspapers, American newspa- pers most of all, contrive at times to get their news is simply marvelous; to outsiders a stand- ing puzzle, ere were a private English gentleman and his son traveling on private business over a vast continent; thinking, in their innocence, that because they knew nobody they would remain unknown; reticent and reserved as to their own affairs, after the manner of Englishmen; and yet at every station they called at between Bouldersville and New York they found that their story, or a portion of it, and a very dis- torted portion at that, had preceded them. The Bouldersville Gazette and the Silver Creek Courier had been the first to set the ball a-rolling, though how they managed to get their information, such as it was, it baffled Archie and his father to guess. Certainly Archie him- self had told no outsider, and neither Ronald nor Jakes was of the babbling order, Besides, that little episode of the search for ‘The Golden Fleece" had, so Archie had flattered himself, been a profound secret, known onl; to himself and Ronald. Yet here, much to his disgust, it, or a Yankee newspaper version of it, was published in all the papers. Of course the story was distorted; indeed there was only the very smallest modicum of truth in it, and the so-called fortune had been magnified many dozen times. But all the same there it was, and Archie felt very much dis- gusted, At first he had tried to keep the obnoxious journals from Sir Alexander, but he soon found that to be impracticable, and when the Baronet read the paragraphs about himself and son, Archie had hard work to satisfy him and keep him quiet. As for old Jakes and Ronald, they took it all as a matter of course. “ Tt was inevitable, my dear boy,” the latter would say, “that your adventures should get into print. This is a young country, with all the small curiosity of youth. We delight in small talk and personal gossip, and newspapers, being run to sell, are bound to furnish that commodity. How your name got into the pa- pers I can’t say; in these cases an outsider sel- dom can, Not improbably your friend the Colonel, who so kindly tried to relieve you of your booty, gave some distorted version of your adventures over his cups; which, the inevitable and ubiquitous reporter overhearing, became next morning public property. Besides, Sir Alexander’s misfortunes in connection with the Isabella were common talk. You may think yourself deuced lucky in getting off so cheaply. just you wait till you get to New York, and are interviewed, as you inevitably will be by the cartists of the New York Enterprise and the Evening Paul Pry! Xt will be time enough to grumble then.” But Archie could not take it so philosophi- cally, and as to being interviewed, he swore he would throw out of the window the first re- porter who tried that game. Ronald only smiled at the wild threat; 4e knew better. If the reporter Aad been thrown out of the window, he would have got in again by the back door. And Ronald was right. Hardly had they set foot on the New York railway platform when the whole party was seized bodily by an army of interviewers, To Sir Alexander and Archie it seemed quite dreadful. “ For God’s sake, my dear boy, let’s get out of this,” whispered the Baronet, making for the hotel carriage—that great, lumbering, un- sightly, old-world kind of conveyance affected by New York hotel-keepers, and which reminds an Englishman of nothing so much as a second- hand Lord Mayor's state-carriage, which some one had tried to turn into a hearse. So they lost as little time as possible in squeezing themselves into the carriage, and, leaving Saunders to look after the luggage, were driven to the Brevoort House, Old Jakes wanted to get out at the Fifth Av- enue, but to this neither the Baronet nor Ar- chie would listen. He and Alice had been good friends to them, and during the short time they remained in New York, father and son insisted on their being their guests. Be- sides they had business yet to discuss. At the Brevoort House they found their ar- rival anticipated by another corps, a sort of re- serve squad, it is to be presumed, of reporters, and next morning Sir Alexander and his son had the pleasure of reading lengthy and pic- turesque biographies of themselves and the “ most ancient and noble” house of Gascoyne in the New York Enterprise and its local con- temporaries. Then there poured in upon them a great crowd of visitors, among them not a few old country friends, and Archie became the hero of the hour. Allthis, it may well be supposed, was very painful to Sir Alexander, in his weak and debilitated condition, and though Archie would have liked to stay in New York for some days longer, it was thought better to hasten their departure. Before leaving, however, Archie received a call from his old friends, Captain Smith, jolly and ruddy as usual, and Doctor Beeswing, who looked longer, lanker, blacker and more Me- phistophelian and wrinkled about the eyebrows than ever. Archie was, of course, delighted to renew the acquaintance, and insisted on his friends re- maining for dinner. After that they strolled down town in search of Schneider—we hope our readers have not altogether forgotten the faithful collie—which Archie had left in charge of the Captain before leaving New York for the West. The voyage out had not agreed with Schnei- der, and it had been thought judicious to leave him behind in good hands to recuperate. So Captain Smith had given him in charge to his old crony the ‘ Major,” whose jolly red face, “hot Scotch” and finnan haddies were famous among Scetchmen all over the continent. Schneider was found in capital condition, and great was the poor dog’s delight at recov- ering its master. “You would hardly believe,” remarked Archie to the Major, “‘ how I missed that dog. To me he has always been more like a human com- panion and friend than anything else. Flaven’t you, Schneider?” And Schneider, by way of reply, solemnly winked its great, tender eyes, and insinuated the point of its nose into its master’s hand. Next morning—it was Saturday—Sir Alex- ander, Archie and Ronald, with, of course, Saunders and Schneider, embarked for Liver- pool on board the “City of Chester.” Jakes and his daughter were there, of course, to see them off. So were Captain Smith and the Doc- tor, and many other friends and acquaintances besides. Of the parting between Ronald and Alice we prefer not to say anything here. Suffice it that Ronald had obtained old Jake’s consent to their speedy marriage, which was to take place in New York the following spring. 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