Puck — October 15, 1879 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

REPEATING RIFLES. 4 TAN , TO MY TAILOR. WELL remember ‘twas a charming suit, And suited me just to a dot; How gracefully those trousers topped my boot! How well that coat clung around what The poets bosom call, while meaning chest! And, as for that, well-ftting was the vest. That suit, I think, was navy blues The linings of the sleeves were deep brick red; ‘And when you said the bill was due, “Ob, bang it up!” 1 recollect I said. You hung it up, That suit is almost rags. The coat has grease on cither fap; ‘The trouser-knees hang heavily in bags; The vest, like France [old pun] has lost its nap. That suit has grown, all o'er, most awful seedy, Yet me it needs must suit, because I'm needy. Now, while my purse is very low, Why set on me your whole collecting gang ? I frankly own the debt I owe. You bung it up. Why can’t you let it hang ? ArTHUR Lor, REFLECTIONS OF A LOUNGER. i, GIRLS, HEY are a curious invention, I have studied them with a good deal of care, and have come to the conclusion that, though it would be advisable to do away with a large portion of them, they are quite in- dispensable as a class. You may sometimes find two girls similar in | complexion, features and general appearance, but never a pair identical in character or dis- position. I have sometimes thought that there must ex- ist an underlying principle in their manufac- ture not unlike that present in a certain won- derful piece of mechanism which, though it | makes many door-keys in a day, succeeds in never turning out two exactly similar. I now feel the same peculiar pleasure of ex- pectation in being introduced to a new young lady asI was wont to experience, when younger, in opening a prize-candy-package. ‘There's no | ic. | some future time to treat. Srrtinc Buy, telling what is going to be discovered beneath the wrapper. In the cases both of young lady and of prize-package, one is apt to find a blank. ‘There are several general classes of young ladies in every community. Did you ever meet a specimen of the girl | of acute sensibilities? Would you like to? If] so, come to me, and I shall introduce you to | one. She is not’a very young lady. Indeed, she has arrived at the canary-bird and poodle age. She has often assured me that if Faust (the poodle)— her “dear Faust” —should give up the ghost, she (not the poodle, but the other fel- | low,) would be happy to die. Miss Marston loves Nature and all her works. She adores the helpless little toad, and would like nothing so much as to have a pet lamb. Smith says she ought to hire one. Last New Year's, or some other day, when I called at her house, I found a basket at the door, It seemed, as I afterwards discovered, that Faust—unjustly dignified by a masculine name—had been, as Miss Marston elegantly expressed it, ‘indisposed.”. When I calledagain the happy mother was better. Besides the girl of acute sensibilities, there are the species known as banged hair (a large class, all laboring under temporary aberration), moon-worshippers, literary, and, last but not least, the horrible sort called autograph-album- Of each of these several classes I hope at I’ve just been showing this to Smith, and he says it is all very well for me to laugh at no two girls being of similar dispositions. He says it is providential that they are not; because if they were, they would all fall in love with the same fellow. Yes! that isa fact. How deuced awkward it would be for me if all the girls whom I honor with my acquaintance should fall in love with me. ALonzo bE Lacey, ‘Twat man has no patriotism in his heart who can gaze upon George Washington’s old breeches in the Patent Office at Washington, and not let his mind run back into the mystic past and wonder whether the tailor had those trousers “finished on Saturday night" accord- ing to promise. + ON THE STOOL OF REPENTANCE. .: -“ Oh! if I could only be with the Utes!" | on the discretion and simplicity with which the | PROVERBS FOR PUBLIC LIFE. Goon proverbs have their place in litera- {J ture, why not in public life, or politics, A which, say Mr. Kelly's henchmen, should have no literature. ‘They were held, in olden time, to be the guides of human life;—the seven wise men of Greece— ex-speaker Maguire shall have a bottle of Bourbon if he will name them off-hand—are now best known by one proverb each, Solon’s first proverbwas, “Know thyself,” written in letters of gold, inthe porch of one of the Grecian temples, but this-inscrip- tion would never do for ‘Tammany Hall, for every Brave there has to drown his identity by liquor, tobacco, and loud confusing outcry, before he can act out his part in dividing the spoils, or going on the war-path to win them, Here is a wise saying for the legislative halls at Albany. Governor Robinson and Hope- be-Governor Cornell, and their adherents, wo! be all the better for keeping it ever before their eyes— Me ‘There is no alchemy like saving.” ‘Take care of the public moneys hardly got together—Leave gambling a'- 'v swind- ling contracts—Don’t “deba.c .... ..anaard, depreciate paper or deteriorate the coin.” What a commentary would this sentence be Legislators built this Hall. “ALMosT, and very nigh, saves many a lie,” may be commended to Ex-Governor Tilden, and Mr, Cyrus W. Field, in their emphatic wrangle about the Elevated stock-jobbing which benefited both. ‘Few men take his advice who takes a great deal.” George Wither, in his “£mé/ems,” says: No heart can think to what strange ends, ‘The Tongue's unruly motion tends. Mr Blaine, during his late canvass in Maine, having one of those very wide-awake eyes of his on the chance for the President's chair, has put this epigram into the minds of thou- sands. “The best armor is to keep out of gun shot” teaches every one to avoid mischief. We would present this gentle reminder to that model of caution, George W. Curtis, and his special train of acolytes who are to scratch Mi Conkling’s nominee.