Puck — September 17, 1879 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

444 PUCK. “TI can’t make anything of it. What is it all about ? One would think he had committed a crime, and you know—both of you—that is impossible, Besides, what crime could he com- mit here? And, if he had committed one, how could the fact have been concealed so long?” “Stuff!” interrupted the Doctor unceremo- niously, “Archie Gascoyne is no criminal what- ever he may be.” « Dat eez sho,” chorused Count Frankylstein sententiously; ‘dat eez sho; but I zink I knows who could tell to us zumsing about zee matter eef she vas here.” ““ Who ?” exclaimed Bob and Kenneth simul- taneously. “Mlle. Thollier could, boot she haz gone avay as vell. Mein Got und himmel, zey eez all goings avay. Vhat a coontry! vhat a beo- ble!” “Mile, Thollier!” exclaimed the Professor. “You don’t mean that you think” — “1 don’t zink nozing,” interrupted the Count as he lit a fresh cigar, “ nozing ov that kind, for I know what you mean, They run avay togeder—eh ?” Yes," “Bah! nein—nein, My goot friend Meester Archibald not such a damn fool as that. Nein, but Mlle, Thollier is at ze bottom ov it, and your Mees Maggie knows zumsing about it.” Kenneth started and flushed. “ The Count’s right, said the Doctor, laying his hand on his friend's arm; “depend upon it, you had betther show the letter to your mo- ther. Poor Maggie of course can say nothing in her present state.” “You are right,” replied Kenneth; “I zid/ show it. There is some damnable mistake at the bottom of all this.” * * * Meanwhile where was Mille. Thollier? (To be continued.) == age. MONETARY, “Had dime my way, O beauteous maid, I'd steal a kiss!" he cried; “Then I'd do ten times worse than that— I'd dollar!” she replied.—S¢. Louis Times, Cyrus W.: Sammy Tilden, ere you start, Give, oh! give me back that part Of them dividends that’s mine From the clevated line! Samay J.: Nay, let not this matter trouble you; I'll keep it safely, Cyrus W. What's yours is mine—what's mine's my own; And you can reap as you have sown. — Washington Capital, TOO MUCH FOR HIM. “ How much for a pear?” he asked, and with a chuckle paid the three cents demanded. ‘Then came the joke. “I only took a pair,” he said, exhibiting two of the articles, And what a satisfied grin that punster started away with! “All right,” shouts the huckster after him, “pears is only a cent a-piece, but I knowed you'd be up to some dodge. You keep the joke, old buster, and I'll keep the extra cent.” —Syracuse Sunday Times. Zack is a tremen-dous orator.— Boston Post. Tue home of the Czsars—The Custom House.—Fall Number Baltimore Every Satur- day, Tue most important “fishery question” is, “Have you got a bite?"—ew Orleans Pica- yune, Ir care killed a cat, care can throw a boot- jack straighter than most pcople. — Syracuse ‘Sunday Times. >. A YouNG poctess pathetically inquires, “Can love die?” We don’t think it can, but it is oc- casionally sick.—_V. 11. Register. “How to get the best of mosquitoes,” says an exchange, But who wants mosquitoes of any quality ?—Rochester Express. Boston looks with alarm upon Bob Inger- soll's anti-Hell convention, as so many Chicago mortgages are held in this city.—Boston Post. Barnum is on the road, and says his show is “the only greatest.” This makes the ninety- ninth “ only greatest ” show in the world.— Oi? City Derrick. Cornet was bound to have the nomination if it wrecked the party, and the Republicans think hima bad man, Conkling proved abet- tor.— Boston Fost. Aw Indiana medical student wears a pair of shoes made of human skin. How aptly does Hamlet exclaim: ‘‘ To what base shoeses may we come.” — Boston Transcript. Av Italian can take 100 new bricks from the yard, and in twenty-four hours transform them into relics taken from the wine cellar of a house just uncovered at Pompeii. — Detroit Free Fress. Poor old England seems to have her hands full of trouble, but there is always a silver lin- ‘| ing to the darkest cloud: Talmage preached his last sermon in England yesterday.— Phila, Bulletin, “ Nosopy would give $200,000 for my body,” remarks Judge Hilton in justification of his refusal to put up that amount for the return of Mr. Stewart; and he is quite right— Chicago Tribune, THe man who uses a napkin fora bib and imagines he is in fashion and doing a graceful thing is mistaken, That style is antiquated, and, as Fitznoodle would say, ‘it is bad form.” —Modern Argo. A. CORRESPONDENT asks us what is good for moths, We don’t know much about it, but we should recommend plenty of healthy, nourish- ing food, with seltzer-water occasionally to aid digestion.— Carpet- Trade Review, Tue Philadelphia Zedyer informs an “ anx- ious inquirer” that ‘‘poets are born, not made.” We regret to learn this, for we had intended to take a block of wood and a penknife and whit- tle out a few for the fall trade.— Norristown Herald, Statistics show that all the church property in the United States is worth $354,000,000, while every year $700,000,000 are spent for drinks. The newspapers have often protested against the practice of building such expensive churches.—WVorr. Herald. ‘Tue ear is more sensitive at night; sounds seem greatly augmented in volume,” remarks a scientific exchange, but the fact is known to every man who has walked up and down the room in the night-time with that precious iron- lunged baby.— Phila, Bulletin, “A new belt-clasp has three compartments, in which the wearer may stow pins, needles, and cotton.” Cotton ina belt clasp? Well, per- haps the wearer may stow it there, but it would be a change that—that is, we don’t know any- thing about it.— Morristown Herald. SHERMAN’S MISTAKE IN CINCINNATI. Mrs. Hayes met Secretary Sherman on Penn- sylvania Avenue yesterday for the first time since his return from Ohio, and said: “Mr, Secretary, I was very much distressed to see by the newspapers that -you visited a beer-garden during your stay in Cincinnati.” “The fact is, Mrs, Hayes——" ‘ “If you have no regard for yourself, I should have thought that a proper respect for the Ad- ministration which you represent would have kept you out of such places. “T beg your——” “ This is a case, sir, that admits of no apol- ogy,” replied the lady indignantly. “ You can, Man make no reparation for the great wrong you have done us, but I trust you will at least chew cardamom seeds during the remainder of your stay in Washington.” ‘Why, my good woman, I drank but one paltry ‘pony’ of b——"" “‘No matter. And I would have you know, sir, that henceforward I am for Grant fora third term.” And she left the Secretary stand- ing on the sidewalk in a very uncomfortable frame of mind.—Cincinnati Enguirer, VALENTINE Baker has been appointed Gov- ernor of Kurdistan, ‘There are no railways in Kurdistan.— Boston Post. Ir is said the ex-Khedive appropriated $1,500,000 in cash from the treasury to his own use, and made away with other property of the State valued at $18,000,000. This is the first intimation we have had that the Khedive re- ceived his education in this country. He would feel right at home at Fall River—Norr, He- rald, Some of our contemporaries give Puck an occasional rap for “ calling a spade a spade,” so to speak, and advise it to cultivate a higher tone, About fifteen years ago a comic weekly appeared in New York called Mfrs. Grundy. It started out on a high-toned principle, and lived about three months, Last Spring Uncle Sam, a comic weekly, made its débat, and promised to print nothing coarse nor loud. Oncle Sam fulfilled its promise, and survived eleven weeks, Puck still lives, is increasing in circulation, and will enter upon its sixth half- yearly volume next week.—Worristown Herald. “Puck” On The Mummery of Masonry. A new Edition of Puck, No. 128, containing above Cartoon, has been published. . Copies can be had of all Newsdealers. TANDARD THEATRE. Broadway and 334 St. W. Haxpaxcon, Proprietor & Manager. EVERY EVENING AND $. riNE Mr. fe M. And an entire English Company in NARCIS&E, NARCISSE, To be fillowed by “The Radical Cure."* Admission 2sc., soc., $t and $1.50. IS LAGER BEER WHOLESOME? Lanoucnern, the Editor of the London Truth, says that at his German University he used to drink SavENTREN QUARTS of lager beer at a sitting, the beer being pure. ‘The HERMAN BREWERY LAGER BEER is pure. BOZODONT. To preserve the teeth and keep them pure and white, to prevent their decay, there is 20 preparation in the market equal to SOZODONT. To preserve the gums in a natur- ally hard and healthy condition, there is 00 superior to SOZO- DONT. To purify and sweelen the dreata there is no rival to SOZODONT. For a perfect mouth there is no recipe like the use of SOZODONT. Consequently it is no wonder that the populanty of SOZUDONT as a dentifrice has no bounds. All Druggists keep it. ————_———————— The “PUCK” CIGABETTE beats all. Manufactured by B. Poutax, New York