Puck — September 3, 1879 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

402 PUCK. PUCK. Nos. 21 & 23 WARREN STREET. FOR SALE BY ALL NEWS DEALERS. JERms Jo SUBSCRIBERS y Order, ete., are to be addressed to 57, Remiganees by Money Order, ete. are Teturn rejected communications, and ‘no exception. the Ne of Messrs. ena, Charice Crom, tod COMPANY, 11, Bouverie ‘at G. F. ALLANS, 84 Mitchell %, at EM'S, 15 Boulevard, Saint Martin, * He * Office, enue de I" io ete Ne moc HAUS: Ldbor, Bers and Viewss, «wWwoTiIce. Owing to the steadily-increasing pressure on our col- umas, the ADVERTISING BATES of PUCK will, after the Ist of October, be raised 50 PER CENT. All who wish to avail themselves of the present rates must hand in their advertisements before the above date. KEPPLER & SCHWARZMANN. CONTENTTS. Lesson Y¥ Social Horrors—illus. moan oe eels ‘Troddledums, the Simian—illus. ‘The Savannah Benevolent Asso- | Precocious Precaution—illus. ciation. On One ie—poem. New Discoveries, ‘The Gas Burner Fiend. Is this to be tolerated any longer in civilized society talus, Welcome (poem)—Leo C. Evans Literary Not a vor THE Axxiovs. Gascorwe—John Fraser Excunoss. Pucuaxmos. Crookedness in Calvary. The Political Teetotum of Cali- Frrzwoopie 1 Axanica.— No. Cit. My First Love (poem) —John raser. Gallic Gumérops. ‘Anco, ‘Soothing ‘em to Siumbers Sweet. | Pucx’s THE LESSON OF THR,DE YOUNG BUSINESS. LL our Esteemed Contemporaries have been using the very disreputable San Francisco attempt at murder to point a moral. It is remarkable how exceedingly vir- tuous and pious they become when the oppor tunity offers of filling their columns with the details of such events. ‘The editorials read very much as if butter would have considerable difficulty in melting in the mouths of the writers. It is but right that Puck should also be in the fashion and give his views on the all-im- t principles established by Mr. De foung’s target practice on the Rev. T. H. Kalloch’s person, and Mr, Denis Kearney’s Rienzi-like dealing with the mob. Oh, Yes! Puck has learned several valuable lessons from this California excitement. * It has taught us that a bullet fired from a six or seven shooter at a distance of two or three feet from an ordinary specimen of humanity is likely to find its way through the body of | regard an individual. It has taught us that if pot takes it into his head to call kettle black, pot ought not to ble at being referred to as “sable as Erebus” by the kettle, and that neither ought to get his back up in consequence. fe have further learned that bad language, as applied to political opponents, may prove one of the best passports to distinction as a peace-maker and a pourer of oil upon the troubled waters. Surely Denis Kearney ought to feel the proudest man in creation or Cali- forina—much the same thing. No longer, with the example of Kearney be- fore us, shall we have any difficulty in finding names for objectionable politicians. Our political influence so far from being less- ened wal be screngshened thereby. Of the Presidential candidates we shall refer- to Mr, Blaine, as a moon-eyed, pig-tailed leper, who cut his erendmothers throat with a lump of chalk and poisoned her with a gingham umbrella, Mr, Tilden may appropriately be termed a double-distilled barreler of filthy lucre, a systematic burglar, a ring-tailed pirate, whose manifest destiny is a sanguinary pande- monium or double-bedded alcove in the bot- tomless pit. Our campaign description of Mr. Evarts would be something like the following: A linguistical gabber and Gnock-kneed ticketty reprobate whose cannibal-like proclivities and hideous midnight orgies have rendered him an unfit companion for any creature short of a fash- ionable Zulu street-sweeping imp. We could multiply examples, but we think the above enough for the present. THE SAVANNAH BENEVOLENT ASSOCIATION. N Puck of August 6th we politely hinted to the Savannah Benevolent Association of Savannah, Georgia, that it would over- whelm us with delight if its officers would fur- nish us with a balance sheet of the society, in order that we might have the satisfaction of judging for ourselves of the manner in which they have administered the funds. Strange as it may appear, the Savannah Benevolent Asso- ciation not responded, but there may be very good reasons for its silence, Perhaps President A. is at Saratoga, bracing up his system on Congress water for his arduous winter duties in connection with the Society. Treasurer B, is doubtless seeking for the same reason the seclusion that Cape May grants, while Alderman This, Ex-Mayor That and Di- rector Other, all shining lights of the Associa- tion are probably, in the unfortunate city of Memphis, offering their valuable services spirit- ual and monetary to its fever-stricken citizens, But, after all, these excellent gentlemen may be at none of these places. Since our article, on. the subject, it has sibly dawned on them that the desire of the contributors to the Savannah Benevolent Association, to have a little memorandum in the way of a balance- sheet, was not so very unreasonable; and after so many years have elapsed, they are devoting their energies, with the assistance of the avail- able accountant talent in Savannah, to wading through the accumulation of figures, and licking into order and shape that which must neces- sarily, bewa specimen: of chaos which would compare faVorably with that article prior to the yéar.one. No news is said to be good news; and it is this good news, viz: the p tion and dis- patch of the balance-sheet that we hanker after. We don’t want to hurry the S, B, A, in its calculations; they might make errors in adding up. Nor do we desire to cause it to feel nerv- ous or uncomfortable. We wouldn't do that for worlds, for it is Puck's aim to win its esteem, and friendship; but we should so very much like to have some preliminary statements and columns of figures in the course of next week, if quite convenient. We are very much op to personalities in journalism. We prefer referring to indi- viduals in general terms rather than in parti- cular ones; but unless the Savannah Benevolent Association hurries up with its explanations, we shall be inclined to overcome our prejudices and allow ourselves to be persuaded to rush into print.with all we know about the rather erratic policy and proceedings of the Savannah Benevolent Association and its eccentric officers. Puckerings. WESTON ought to enter for a talking match, - Mr. Fietp calls Mr. ‘Tilden “that dreadful de jure person.” Fatt purchasing has begun. It is now the season to bivalve, is Lrrerary News—Peter Cooper's new story will soon be commenced. Mr, Weston’s unquestionable valor appears to be unmarried—that is, if discretion is the better-half of valor. Tue latest is the Reverend Joseph Thomp- son, late of the Broadway Tabernacle, A soprano took him in. f First of September—shooting season. Irish landlords are said to be plump and otherwise in fine condition, Tue Sun says that General B. F. Butler is sensitive on the subject of spoons. So are the citizens of New Orleans, From Mr. Vanderbilt's evidence before the Railroad Committee, it would seem that the Harlem Road is the milky way. Tue head drummer of Brannigaa’s Band has departed this life. His associates speak in affectionate terms of the “dead beat.” A PERSON who still makes jokes about Pina- fore says that the tenor of the latest news about the Reverend Thompson is trebly base—alto- gether, Tue Fall, with equal hand, Garners in plenteous sheaves The maple’s ruby leaves And straw-hats of the broker bland. Tue Prince of Wales, it is said, has recently taken to American whiskey. Being generally quite full of that article he is addressed as: “Your Ryeness.”” We don't want to hurt the feelings of our extremely and excessively Esteemed Contemp- orary, the Sun; but we scarcely think that, by next week, there will be enough police com- missioners left to sympathize with. Wuo says fashionable society has deserted the city? Messrs. Chandler Robbins, E. P. Weston, S. J. Tilden, Charles Rowell, Ruther- ford Stuyvesant and B, Lower Brown are regis- tered at the various New York hotels. One of the far Western papers, with many apologies for the introduction of a name so unfamiliar to the public at large, nominates for the Presidency an individual by the name of Rutherford B. Hayes. Further particulars anxiously awaited, Conx.ine, Evarts, Blaine and the rest of the embryo Presidential candidates ought to club together and get up a purse big enough to in- duce the wandering. Ulysses to come back to this country. He would be a much less formid- able rival if he were within easier range of Bourbon County, Kentucky. NOTICE. gee Numbers 1, 2, 4, 5, 9, 10, 18, 14, 22, 25, 26, 40 and 47 of Puck will be bought at this office, 21 & 23 Warren Street, at 10 cents per copy. comicbooks.com