Puck — August 27, 1879 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

~ 886 PUCK. Nos. 21 & 28 WARREN STREET. FOR SALE BY ALL NEWS DEALERS. Jurus Jo SuBSCRIBERS * | him, he would Owing to the steadity-increasing pressure on our col- umns, the ADVERTISING RATES of PUCK' wil, after the Ist of October, be raised 60 PER CENT. All who wish to avall themselves of the present rates must hand in their advertisements befor the above date. KEPPLER & SCHWARZMANN. CONTENTS. Return of Minlser John Welsh | Treaty Minutes in the White oma Swategy (poem) —F. I. Clarks RGreat Advertising Dodge. _| The Phrenological Peripatetic. ‘Another! —ailus. A'Simple Came (poem). —Ar ShakspereStudies—J. Albro. |” thur Lot. Our Lottery System. Freswoones om Ascraica.— ts. 44-—poem Ne. cli. K New Departure. Police Record—illus. ‘Greme bes Chroniques—Leo | Axswans von rior Ainsocs, ©. Evans. ‘An Gascoree—Joba Fraser Puce’s Hisrony or Oustaxo | Pock’s Excuanars: Troddledums, the Simian—illus. RETURN OF MINISTER JOHN WELSH. /HILADELPHIA, Pa.—not Asia Minor— was, this week, thrown into a state of excitement bordering on the intense, by the arrival from Europe of the steamshi "of the American line, with john Welsh’as a passenger. uf All the prominent citizens of the city were on the towelcome Mr, Welsh to his native shores, after the arduous duties he has per- formed; and the importance of the occasion was enhanced by the presence of Mr. Pre- sident Hayes,and Mr, Secretary Evarts. Mr. George Washington’ Childs, A.) M., was the first to greet the distingui: sugar mer- chant, and immediately handed him his choicest effort in obituary verse. The was ex- ceedingly touching, and referred in beautiful terms to the untimely demise of some remote ancestors of Mr. Welsh, who were left orphans at the age of eighty or ninety. Mr. Child’s graceful composition also referred to any future troubles, in the way of dissolution, that might occur in future generations of the Welsh family. Mr. Presipent Hayes rose, and, having sucked a loaded orange, which, in deference to Mr. Hayes’s taste, had been specially re- pared for the occasion by the chief stew: the “Indiana,” said that it was his painful duty to welcome back to the United States its most distinguished citizen, the Hon, John Welsh, who had been driven from a foreign land by his inability to live on a miserable $17,500 a year. If vetoes could be utilized for raising diplomatic salaries, he (Mr. Hayes) wouldn’t hesitate to veto everything in creation, But this was not the time to go into political ques- tions, more particularly as it had just occurred to him that it was the Lord’s Sabbath, He once more welcomed Mr, Welsh to the sugar and molasses business, which would probably enable this gentleman to live more comfortably than by running a foreign legation on a mere pit- tance, er Mr. Secretary Evarts expressed his views PUCK. ner. His speech on the occasion will be pub- lished in book-form. Munster WEtsu, having osculated general; and ously, said that he agreed wit the ident that, owing to the fact of its be- ing the Holy Sabbath, it would not be a saintly thing to enter deeply into political questions; but, eesaling the brilliant assemblage before like to say a few words as to his reasons for givii oP. the diplomatic business, He knewa est de more about muscavadoes and centrifugals than he did about protocols and plenipotentiaries, and_his knowledge of osculatory practices and Sunday-schools was still more extensive. Yet he accepted the pe because he thought, by the grace of the rd and Secretary Evarts, he might be able to live on the salary; for he really could not afford to draw any money out of his sugar business, The work was exceedingly hard, but Heaven had blessed him with strength to ac- complish it, He often had to answer as many asa dozen inquiries a day as to the cab-fare from the Langham Hotel to Charing Cross. He was also obliged, for the benefit of visitin, American citizens, to keep himself posted with regard to the departure of trains for Liverpool from the North-Western Station, in Euston Square, This was difficult to do, and required long and careful training; but Heaven had helped him along nobly. He was sorry to say the British aristocracy didn’t care much about sugar; perhaps this was one of the reasons he had not succeeded in making himself Fores with them. But, anyhow, he couldn’t do it on $17,500 a year. He had now returned to Phil- adelphia, where he intended to devote himself, for the remainder of his life, to Sunday-schools, Sabbaths and sugar. Mr. We su, having once more kissed every- body all round, allowed his horses to drive him to his residence, and the distinguished party quietly dispersed with joy in their hearts at hav- ing the great saccharine osculator once more among them. SAMUEL AND CYRUS. E are deeply pained to learn that the breach between Mr. Tilden and Mr. Field is wider than ever. Mr, Field will not forgive Mr. Tilden for selling out his Elevated Railroad stock as soon as Mr. Field’s back was turned on Sandy Hook, and barreling a million of dollars by the tfansaction, and Mr. Tilden will not forgive Field -for kicking up a row about it. It is really deplorable that two such distin- guished men should fall out and chide and ight about so trivial a matter, It isa very bad example to the rising generation. The hero of wrecked railroads and the hero of ocean tele- phy ought to agree in their little nests, and Tears quarreling to prominent Senators and mill-owners in a chronic state of “ bust-up- ” of | edness.’ We would strongly advise Mr. Tilden, if he has any aspirations to the Presidency, to lose no time in holding out the olive branch to Mr. Field, He may lose his election if he doesn’t; for who knows that the New England, coarse- grained texture of Mr. Field may not cause him to forbid Tilden voters from traveling on the Elevated Road on the day of the Presidential eléction—and then where would Tilden be? The rough-and-tumble life and struggles of Mr. Field in his early career ought, in the hour of his prosperity, when he entertains earls and hob-nobswith dukes, to exercise a softening in- fluence on his character, and induce him to ac- cept Mr. Tilden’s overtures, and kiss and make it up like good boys, And then Mr. Tilden may be President, after on Mr. Welsh’s return in a lexicographical man- | all. Puckerings, Tpen and I are out—C, Field, Ir strikes us that Captain Webb ought to swim out. Down South they call it the Yazoological system of argument. Tue great American shot-gun is having a little boom all by itself. Boyton and Barrett, of Sing Sing, ought to have a paddling match, Puysicians say that abscess does not make the heart grow stronger. Tuey draw quicker, and with more effect, in Yazoo than in the average State lottery. A SHEET-IRON candidate is what the Re- publican party wants for the Yazoo district. Tue only trouble with Mr. Langfeldt, of. Philadelphia, seems to be that he got caught, Corsin has declared war on the dogs. This is leaving the children of Canaan for the chil- dren of canines. M. Gér has presented the members of the dramatic profession in London with a testi- monial of pure taffy. Some one of these natatorial idiots will beat in a swimming match straight across Jordan, go as you please, the next thing we know. Tue shock of earthquake, last week, wasa desperate effort of the North American conti- nent to shake off Senator David Davis. Un- successful, Kuinostey said that nothing could so sadden the heart as the tender pathos of one of Mrs, Browning's sonnets. Kingsley evidentiy never ran up against a washing bill. Tuere is a terrible state of financial de- pression in England. Five scions of the British aristocracy are to arrive on the/next Cunarder —all on the strictly matrimonial. New Hampsuire is gaul darned if she’s go- ing to be shoved out of the van of progress. An association of wealthy merchants is being formed to export doughnuts to England, Wuy will the Evening Post spell programme without the final me? Programme is all very nice and respectable; but rogram looks like a disease, or a beastly intestine, or something of that sort. It's a fearful word to gaze at. It was Longfellow who remarked that «The Sun is bright, the air is clear, ‘The darting swallows soar and sing—” But few know that he sent in a bill to Mr. C. A. Dana: To 1 notice ical) 10% off for ge Every paper likes to be powerful, and to wield a great influence; but, really, we didn’t mean to overdo it so terribly in our cartoon of last week. Here's the whole Catholic Church taken right into camp by our pictorial argument, refusing to bury a man because he was a Free- Mason. We appreciate the compliment which the Roman Church pays us; but this is undue zeal, we must say, Tomicbooks.com —