Puck — August 20, 1879 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

378 THE RETURN FROM THE LODGE. SONG AND CHORUS. [Dedicated tothe wives and mothers of the Fraternity by one of the Brethren.) LD Sam Brown is an F. A. M., He lives at number four, He comes home happy twice a week ‘And swears ‘What keeps him ont so late; He always says, “It was the Lodge— a can-di-date: Cuorvs. te Trve been to the Lodge, love, I've been to the Lodge; ‘We worked the T. A. B. degree, I and Billy Hodge; ‘The goat broke loose, and when we tried to he would dodge. ‘You must excuse me this time, love, I've been to the Lodge. “ There’s a bock-beer goat at Starlight Lodge, We feed him corns: He went for me the other night, And stabbed me with his horns, If they don't muzzle him next week, Resign I think I shall; It’s mus to handle that Ferocious an-i-mal. «No wonder I'm excited, love, ‘That my coat is torn behind, For the Great N. G. appointed me To straddle on a blind. ‘¢ ts a dreadfol solemn thing to work That T. A. B. 3 .. They took the bier around to-night ‘Whevever we would drink; It had a great effect on me, It made me weak, I think. «If Starlight Lodge don't mend her ways} ‘And shoot that fractious goat, And make me a donation to. Replace my injured coat; ‘And stop the beer, and all that thing, ‘Without me she must shine; For certainly—or probably— Or maybe—I'll resign.”” STANLEY. i CORKONIAN PERSIFLAGE. “ THAT; has just recovered from ‘the scarlet #"said a man to his friend in a first-class Carriage'on the Belfast line: gS Co a Ach overheard te Geap turned angrily upon the: er and exclaimed: &§ Well, isn't scnrlet ne achionable a color for a fever ad any, other ?”” PU GK. Tue fossilized figure of a man, nineteen feet in height, and with a complete set of barbers’ implements close at hand, has just been un- earthed in the Department of the Shannon. ‘Themummy couldn't have been a ‘knight of the lather, for it did not speak even about the weather, A Curist1an proprietor of a hotel declined accommodate a Hebrew with rooms. ~ “* Why ?” asked the son of David. = “ Your Jewy nose,” was the brief and insult- ng explanation. ‘The applicant returned a fortnight later, with his appendage greatly disfigured. He repeated his request. Again he was destined to hear that puerile objection: “Your Jewy nose.” ‘Tis a Christian nose, exclaimed the Jew indignantly. “Impossible!” said mine host. “Not at all,” was the response, “ for a Chris- tian gave it to me in a fight.” Leo C, Evans. (N.B. Nobody's, Business.—Will not some exchange editors, who appear to be intelligent enough for jury duty, and honest enough for Congress, please take notice that Cork is not in France, France is in Ireland? Of course Ireland embraces a large part of France, not- withstanding that the inhabitants of the former country are generally “Greeks,” with the ex- ception of some of the men who seem to be regular “Turks.” Who will trace the geneaology of the Irish—we mean the French—of the French—we mean the Greek—of the Greek— what the horny-handed do we mean—people ? The preceding jokes, like the stories of St. Patrick's snakes, are original inventions, and not translations.) Cauirornia Locic.—‘ I aim at the elucida- tioti of the Incomprehensible,” said Rev. Jo: Cook to Denis Kearney. «!©Give me your hand, give me your hand,” cried.the agitator, with enthusiasm. “I don’t know what you mean, but if you are not a bloated bondholder, you must be right.” Maup GRANGER spends $11,000 a year on her wardrobe: This is only another variation of ‘the old Clara Morris advertising dodge. Some day, you will see; Miss Granger will be run aWay.with by a clothes-horse. Answers Foy the Anrions. Hasztivg.—She would and he would not. ” Ivtexrions.—If he sings “Babies on Our Block,” it fs fair to assume that he is a bachelor. ALEXANDER M’TiFT.—It is true that one member of the new Austrian ministry is named Ziemialkowski but you have no right to judge from that fact that he steals spoons or smokes five-cent cigars. You must distinguish between a man’s misfortune and his fault. J.F. Dt; Century Club—Now, it's awfully good of you to send us your article about the Jew business at Manhattan Beach, but, we leave it to you; do you con- sider that sort of thing ‘imely, or, in fact, suitable for any publication except a Serial history in quarterly parts ? Gustav Scuwan,—God bless you, dear boy, we won't “say anything sarcastic,” if it hurts your feelings; but, really, you must remember that it won't do to “take down your shutters before you have anything in your shop-window”—which is the gist of a remark made bya man who did that very thing, and suffered for it after- wards, You must learn to cock your ideas, and cook them well—and above all, you must assure yourself whether they are worth cooking, or not worth it—before you offer them to the public. What you have sent us shows that you have read Bret Harte, and that you haven't read the article on ‘Prosody,”” in the back of your Latin Grammar. Do you see? Nix,—We reprint your undignified but complimentary utterance in the hope that it may cheer some fainting spirit, revive some drooping soul, and, generally, tend to make the world better, happier and brighter. Dear little Puck You're a comical duck, Who sees earthly matters most clear, t them say as they will, With regard to your skill, You come to the truth very near. Mister Puc ly enough, ' (Doem't rhyme, Niz/) ach man hate you or love you— Ta your earthly abode Till you rise to the heavens above you. for what care you for each, Or the words which they preach— Or e’en should they deem you uakind— ‘You but teach folks to see How foolish they be, As you urge them true wisdom to find. ‘And now, Mister Puck, You comical duck, You really are mach t0 our liking: othe Ros ok Ene ‘ou wish to portray :[Nisie rhyme Are certainly truthfal and striking. And that maa on the froat May mumble and grunt, And turn from your view in distraction, Bat ‘tis not often. you see, That a statesman can be Brought too close to himself by reflection, [No rhyme] AN ERRONEOUS DIAGNOSIS. pr Twiddlekins thinks he has caught a cramp in his bi toe, and incontinently id.’*This movement is themeans of giving a humble but healthy crab, ‘omicbooks:com