Puck — August 13, 1879 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. PUCK. Nos, 21 & 23 WARREN STREET. FOR SALE BY ALL NEWS DEALERS. Terms Jo Susscrisers In the United States and Canada. or 26 numbers ths, or 13 numbers Inctupine Post, 0S. KEPPLEK. ‘A. SCHWARZMANN. H.C. BUNNER: “SPECIAL NOTICES. Remittances by Money Order, etc., are to be addressed to KEPPLER & SCHWARZWANN. 7e cannot ¢ to etura rejected communications, and to this rule we can make no exception. «Puce is on Sale in London,at the News Agency of Messrs. HENRY FOOILLIG & CO., «49, Strand, Caaring Cross, and Street, Fleet Strestsia Glasgow at C. SOALLANS, fy Mighell er atG. F. Steet? ta Paris; at TERQUEM'S, 12 Boulevard Boltsonnfre, Std'as fle at the ™ Hera” Ofsee, 49 Avenue de Operas Te Germany at F. A. BROCKHAUS'S, Leipzig, Berlin and Vienna, CONTENTS. pe bcemernioore. Easear Be ing of the Butler Cam- ee from Memphis, alge in Beossachunett ti fo Poczamas. ‘The Higher Education of the “Finest.”—illus. Frrewoopts m™ Asxarca.— No. C. ‘Dida't Happen Last Week. Quite a0 Ideals. 1as Capital any Rights? ‘An Open Letter from H « ‘Answers to. Poetical Queries — | Aci Gi jay Gilbert. Tedatedueas, the Simian—illus, THE SUN AND MAYOR COOPER. @" brilliant two-cent contemporary, that professes to shine for all, has, we are sorry to say, had its effulgence much dimmed of late by the extraordinary position it has assumed with respect to Mayor Cooper and the Police Commissioners, Puck has certainly not hesitated to express his opinion pretty freely of Mayor Cooper when this gentleman has deserved it, but as we cannot divest ourselves of the idea that he really means well, we don’t feel justified in standing by and allowing: him ‘to -be unjustly scolded. m This the Sun has undertaken ‘to do in its issue of August 8th, and the article, for.aspeci- men of ingenious special pleading, is decidedly unique. This is not astonishing, considering that, during Mr. Dana’s European trip, Mr. Bartlett, formerly an unsuccessful counsel for an ex- Police Commissioner, has been allowed to air his views in the editorial columns to his heart’s content. It is needless to say that Mr. Bartlett thinks heis right, and that Governor Robinson, in con- firming the dismissal of Commissioner Smith, consequently is wrong. Here we have one man’s opinion against that of another, and, odd as it may seem, we prefer that of good old Governor Robinson for several reasons. In the first place, because it appeals to the quality known as common sense; and secondly, because, with all due deference to Mr. Bartlett , and his leaded Sun‘article, the Governor's + decision is strictly according to law. Our police have never been accused of being models of efficiency: On the contrary, the never s¢ems happy unless it has some un- Fina things tosay about them: Daily are cruel charges laid at theif doors, It has been whis- pered that on one Or two‘occasions the police have seen fit to gently tap the skulls of citizens offensive”to thém.” Nor ‘have'their traducers | hesitated—but this is positively too-ridiculous —to hint “at “their occasionally relieving the monotony of their arduous profession by seek- ing the relaxation that a nice little burglary grants. But it is useless to dwell on sich foul calum- nies as these. Of course, none of the charges will hold water for a moment; for have we not the finest police force in the world—angels who would bind us in silken chains and strike us with a feather? Then think, after all, how fine is the discipline of the force, and how exqui- sitely sweet the Commisioners have kept the city streets, Since they have carried out their duties so admirably, it is but fair that they should retire and let some other less wise citizens learn the secret of their success, for the benefit of future generations, Mr, Bartlett and the Sun to the contrary notwithstanding. We are dreadfully sorry that we cannot see —much as we should like to—the necessity for a Commissioner who has just been a leetle lazy employing counsel to defend his trifling weak- nesses, The Governor and Mayor just happen, per- haps unfortunately, to be responsible to the people who elected them, and it is shocking— positively shocking—that they should have it in their power to summarily dispense with the services of their naughty subordinates. We don't know how they do it, but they do. THE OPENING’ OF THE BUTLER CAMPAIGN IN MASSACHUSETTS. LTHOUGH no convention has yet been held, or captured, in Massachusetts, it may be safely stated that the Butler raid on the State House has commenced.” Though the campaign has not formally been opened, Butler has opened his mouth, That settles it. But what are we to expect? Of course, Dinnis Kearney is packing his gripsack for a tour among the lecherous bond- holders of the Bay State; has got his war-paint ‘on, and feathers on his ‘legs, and has stuffed out his lean jaws with boluses of bad language. Of course, the foremen of daily papers, “out of sorts,” are ordering type from the foundries, that they may have plenty of em, 2-em, aye, and even of 4-em dashes, to de- scribe properly, —, ——-, ——, Ht! what Kearney and Butler will say in their speeches. Of a certainty, all Massachusetts editorial writers are taking advantage of the state of the market, and are laying in stocks of gall with which to fill their ink-stands dur- ing the coming campaign. And Beacon Street, as it crosses the Common on its tottering but aristocratic legs, shivers as it imagines it sees the Day of Wrath coming,:with Butler riding in the clouds astride of a spoon, borne down upon them on the wings of a political whirl- wind. And, by way of suggestion, why don’t the Butlerites put a big bull-frog in the frogless Frog-Pond—a bull-frog with the Butler-eyes and mouth—that might glare at Beacon Street and frighten it out of its wits, if it has any? Little notions like this often have great effect. Quaker guns lost us the first Bull-Run; a But- ler-frog might flabbergast Beacon Street. But what will be the result? After all the bad language on the stump and in the papers, somebody whose name is of B. F. Butler will be Governor of Massachusetts. Puck is sorry. We like to make this journal as full of spice as possible and with Butler up in arms, we always have plenty of material to work withal. But with Butler retired to private life—why, it would be almostas bad as losing Talmage! However, we have little fear, for Bully Ben is as irrepressible as the Sprite in a pantomime; if he goes down there, hey, presto! here he is again. Purckeyings. Tue Bloody Shirt is on the reek again, ‘Tuz_watering-places are doing a good busi. ness, Ditto the liquoring. One of the Philadelphia papers has just in- serted a joke about Sarah Bernhardt. Ir would be safer for the average fancy cler- gyman if he had never learned to write. A vuLcar person writes to ask us if Benja- min F.'s trouserings can properly be called the Butler’s pantry. Onz would think the sun was at white heat, just now. And yet the solar furnaces must have been coaled very recently. Tue sea-cows are found only in sopthem waters, but every proprietor of a hotel located near the ocean keeps his C lams. ComaunicaTion from the Reverend Adiren- dack Murray:—A buckboard wagon— a he nanny-goat ennuié with caudal oscillation. Tue peach crop promises'to be so plentiful this year that the Delaware farmers are talking seriously of getting up a destructive frost on or about August rsth. Kinc Ketty ought to remember that it is the fate of kings to get shot; and that even in the slang acceptation of the term, such a fate is far from agreeable. An English army-officer can’t plan a cam- paign, or whip the Zulus, or protect a guest of the nation, or behave himself as a gentleman; but he can flog blazes out of a private soldier. We are astonished to notice that our young men apj to be taking steps toward the in- troduction of a novel fashion—the wearing of evening dress in the day-time. We have seen several thousands of them sporting white ties in the street. Iwas tough on Torquemada that he died before he had a chance to gaze on the Sing- Sing paddle and the British cat, those sweet ministers of moral suasion—bright blossomings of the civilization of the nineteenth century. They would have made the old man’s heart glad. A PresByTERIAN clergyman preached, last Sunday, in the 57th St. church, a sermon on, “Hell.” We don’t wish to say anything against the reverend gentleman’s theology, and we have no doubt that he is personally a very worthy man; but we feel quite at liberty to say that he is direfully short on tact. We feel it our.duty to remark that Harper's Weekly is one of the finest publications of its class issued in this country. All it wants to make. ita truly popular periodical is a little improvement which the publishers could well afford to throw in at the subscription price— a key, with diagrams.and illustrations, to Mr. Nast’s cartoons. NOTICE. —— Numbers 1, 2, 455, 9, 10; 18, 14, 22, 25, 26, 40 and 47 of Puck will be bought at this office, 21 & 23 Warren Street, at 10 cents per copy.