Puck — August 13, 1879 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. tant thunder was heard; a sudden terrible com- motion as of many waters startled his affrighted ear, and ere he could even turn himself he was buried under a blinding, stifling, crushing ava- lanche of foam, water, mud, wood, slime, etc., etc., and if it had not been for the timely as- sistance of the keeper and John, the coach- man, who rushed into the flood and pulled out the unfortunate bather by main force, Bob's ca- reer might not improbably have been brought to an untimely end, Such is the story of the Count’s revenge, which, told in his own quaint way and broken English, fairly set the table in a roar. It was nearly the last time for many a long day that hearty laughter was heard in Glen- inver House, (To be continued.) The turtles drum in the pulseless bay, The crickets creak in the prickful hedge, ‘The bullfrogs boom in the puddling sedge, And the whoopoe whoops its vesper lay Away. In the twilight soft and gray. The lovers stroll in the glinting gloam— His hand in her'n and her’n in his— She blushes deep—he is talking biz— They hug and pop as they listless roam— ‘They roam— It's late when they get back home. Down by the little wicket gate, Down where the creepful ivy grows, Down where the sweet nasturtium blows, A box-toed parent lies in wait— In wait— For the maiden and mate. Let the crickets creak and bullfrogs boom, The whoopoe wail in the distant dell— Their tuneful throbs will ne’er dispel The planted pain and rooted gloom— The gloom Of the lover's dismal doom. : — Unknown Ex. Witt the Messiah let Corbin in Ais hotel?@— Wheeling Leader, Woman’s inhumanity to man is what keeps the broom market steady.— Oil City Derrick. No newspaper man ever died of swallowing a $20 gold piece.— Columbus Sunday Capital. Tue boom from the seaside now is the re- sonance of mosquito-slapping.— Hartford Post, Levy always carries two cornets; one to play on and one to be seized by the sheriff.—_Vew Orleans Picayune, Tue oldest and best families of Leadville do not permit pistols to be used until after dinner. —w. Y. Commercial Adozrtiser, A weattuy Californian wants Sara Bernhardt to stand as a weather-strip for one of the doors of his palace.— Wheeling Leader, A pgap snake can be brought to life with a pint of whiskey. You drink the whiskey and then look at the snake.—Boston Post, Nowapays they get out on the stoops to con- quer.—Syracuse Times, F Girls or mosquitoes ?—. Y. Express. A Man who habitually treats other men's wives more politely than he does his own, will have to pay cash in advance at this office.— Wheeling Leader. Ir is rumored that Sara Bernhardt, the act- ress, has refused a good round sum to act as an advertisement for the anti-fat manufacturers.— Yonkers Statesman, In the days of the Goths and Vandals the sentinel of Rome was a goose. But who would call the modern Rome Sentinel a goose? An- ser!—Phila, Bulletin, Tr you see a fellow running around with very few garments on, and a couple of black eyes, hand him over to a police officer. Cetywayo is a fugitive. Y. Express. Tose marvelous cartoons only save Puck from being taken to task for publishing a squib from this paper and giving the New York x. bress the credit.— Rochester Express. ‘THE present vacation season allows ample time for the schoolmaster to recover from the effects of the upturned tacks and bent pins of the spring term.— Mew Haven Register. Aw exchange has an article on the tomb of Jonah! The whale begs to remark that, so far as he is concerned, he isn’t guilty; he merely acted as a temporary vault.—_Buffalo Express. A Norwicn coachman has just fallen heir to $50,000, and he can’t get a chance to elope. The old folks can’t be induced to do or say anything to give him an excuse for so doing.— Boston Post, “ How are you off for funds to-day?” asked a collector of an impecunious, though classical debtor. ‘1am semper idem—always the same, emphatically ‘without change! Baltimore Every Saturday. Wuat is the difference between a diplomatic corps and a diplomatic corpse? The one is a body of diplomatists and the other is Stough- ton, U.S. Minister at St. Petersburg.—San Francisco News-Letter. Pitxins calls an old cat that climbs on his back fence and howls all night, Macbeth, be- cause it doth-murder sleep. This is old, but if we don't set it going again somebody else will. —Cincinnati Sat, Night. . Anp so Lawrence Barrett is about to make a tour of the Southern counties. We knew that some day the hand of Providence would fall on the people who voted in the new Constitution. —San, Francisco News-Letter, Tue man who tries to find an article on the inside of a triple Hera/d in a gale of wind on a Long Branch boat, ought to combine the pa- tience of Job, the muscle of Heenan, and the dexterity of a Majilton—. Y. Commerciat Advertiser, As a large bull mosquito from New Jersey was being led through the streets in New York recently, he escaped from his keepers, and sev- eral people were badly gored before he was finally shot by a policeman.— Boston Commer- cial Bulletin, ‘THERE is great discontent among the Rus- sians in London, and their noses are all out of joint since the arrival of the Siamese Embassy. ‘The Stroganoffs and Troubetskois have no chance at all against such names as Ghamua Laraibhaiy and H. E, Phya Bhashakarawongse. Since these names were first published the fag has been at half-mast on the Russian Embassy. —San Francisco News-Letter, THE RISING GENERATION, Tommy—Gimme a cake. Mamaa—If what ?—// you please, Tommy—oO, let up on that Pinafore busi- ness; gimme a cake! — Zoronto Grip, A SPARKLING exchange informs us that the Rothschilds were renowned for the money they essed. Can the world be mistaken in its ef that their greatness was based on their supposed authorship of Shakspere’s plays?— © Rochester Express, Evutauie’s sweet poem, entitled “The Cu- cumber's Victim,” has been received, and is respectfully, but firmly, declined, on the grounds that we cannot encourage a muse which makes. “ really gorgeous” rhyme with “cholera mor- bus.”—S¢, Louis Times-Journal, Tuomas K. Beecuer asks, “ Have you ever amused yourself with the whirl of water suck- ing down through the ‘waste’ of a bathtub?” We never have, Thomas. During these da we are satisfied to amuse ourself with the whirl of the lemonade sucking up through a straw. —Rome Sentinel. A Georcia Judge has decided that a woman is not an old maid until she has reached the age of thirty-five. This decision being with- out recourse, the unmarried ladies of Georgia have one and all decided that the line shall be drawn anterior to five and thirty. Thus far will they go, but no farther.— Boston Tran- script, Dip you ever observe that when a clergy- man receives a call from a congregation which can afford to pay him $1,000 a year more than he is ge‘ting, he at once feels that it is “a call from the Lord;” but if the salary attached to it be about $500 less than he is getting, the Lord keeps discreetly silent.—San Francisco Wasp. SkvEN young ladies received the degree of A.B. at Northampton recently. ‘“ But,” asks the Lowell Courier, “how can a young woman be a “bachelor?” Pshaw! A. B. don’t mean that in a lady's diploma, It means “ after bachelors,” and signifies that the young lady that received the degree is qualified for matri- mony.— Cincinnati Enquirer, An Oakland lady writes an indignant note to a contemporary, in which, with true rustic innocence, she expresses a belief that editors never go to heaven. We thought even country people knew that journalists never went any- where, They don’t get the chance. They just sit up nights thinking howto do good, until the tops of their heads wear holes through their hair.—San Francisco Fost, Mopest maidens everywhere, While on the city’s street, Would rather get their dresses wet ‘Than show their pretty feet; But down upon the sea-shore, (Your pardon we do beg), Don't like their bathing-costume If’t don't show a yard o’ limb. — Wheeling Leader, A younc lady book agent called on us the other day with a volume of prose and poetical selections, which she thought we could no longer do without. We told her that the book would not benefit us, ‘ Why,” she replied, “here are the ideas of many writers on various subjects, and surely a hundred heads are better than one. Now "—flirting over the leaves of the book—“‘let us see what is said under the chapter of Kissing.” ‘‘ Yes,” we assented, ‘when it comes to kissing even two heads are better than one, but the subject can be tho- roughly discussed without referring to a five hundred ¢ book.” And we didn’t invest. —WNorr. Herald,