Puck — August 6, 1879 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. PAPA IS LEFT TO TAKE CARE OF BABY: And this is the way he did it. THE SAVANNAH BENEVOLENT ASSOCIATION. N a stray paragraph, we have, during the last two or three months, occasionally referred to the worthy society of philan- thropists known as the Savannah Benevolent Association, in Savannah, Georgia. We hinted that we, guardian angels as we are ofall that is good, beautiful and charitable, should make it our business to keep our right optic on the proceedings of an organization formed for the laudable object of relieving the needy and afflicted when Yellow Jack wraps his victims in his jaundiced embrace. It isa labor of love with us, and, with the kind per- mission of the Savannah Benevolent Associa- tion, we shall have a few words to say on its policy, which will doubtless be as acceptable to its members as to the public generally. For some time past all kinds of funny rumors have reached us as to the odd manner the S. B.A. has of keeping its accounts, It was not stated whether it was by single, double or treble entry, or no entry at all; but it was gently intimated that it was not on such a sys- tem as to qualify the officers of the Association for successful secretaries of the U.S, Treasury or presidents cr cashiers of banks. Although, by the way, unless we are grievously misin- formed, the officers in question might have very well suited some kinds of monetary institutions. Although Puck is always ready to chival- rously tilt in behalf of the right against the wrong he does not very clearly see why the re- sponsibility of unveiling the arcana of the S. B, A. should have been thrown on his vigorous though youthful shoulders, Local agitation and thorough investigation would have been the Correct Ki-bosh. But as it is very evident that the apparently murky atmosphere of the Society permeates the entire community of Savannah, perhaps, after all, it were better that the impartial dis- cussion of the question at issue should be be- gun in the purer air of New York, under the Puck Electric Light, as it were. And it isn’t such a very complicated question, after all. Why, it’s as easy as rolling off a log. What complication there is appears, from our ex parte ideas on the subject, to have arisen solely from the objection of the Society to answer a few simple and pertinent, or what it may consider impertinent, questions. The S. B, A. persistently refuses to answer in the way that would make Puck’s heart re- joice. But President A. wants to know what in thunder any citizen means by asking what the S, B, A. does with its funds, Treasurer B, weeps at the thought of anybody questioning his integrity. Alderman This, Ex-Mayor That and Director The Other deplore the depravity of human nature in thinking for a single in- stant that the S. B, A. could by any possibility make a mistake. Now we should be very sorry to say that the members of the Association were not as pure as the driven snow and eligible candidates for apotheosis on an early date; but we wish to re- mark that their attitude, judged of course by a strictly mundane standard, is not up to the mark. They protest a little too much. They protest and they give us no satisfaction, They don’t tell us in what manner they have disposed of the large sums of money that have passed through “their hands. ‘They don’t tell us how much they had left over in 1854—although thousand -tongued rumor says it was some $40,000, which would have amounted, in 1876, to a prodigious sum. Strange to say—and we are again indebted to rumor for the informa- tion—all the S. B. A. could muster that year, when the fever broke out again, was $16,000. They tell us literally nothing, except that they are honest men, and wish us to take their word for it, This we will do with pleasure so soon as they send that balance-sheet along, that all contri- butors may learn to what good purpose their money has been dévoted. Honesty and balance- sheets are capital things in combination, Yes, we want to know how much at this mo- ment the S.B,A.has in hand. We want to know what system it pursues in administering relief, and if it be true that it pays favorite physicians exorbitant fees for doing little or nothing. Some information as to the phenomenal pros- perity of some of the members of the Associa- tion would also be acceptable. Yellow fever is a very terrible thing, and it is fortunate that Savannah, with its Benevolent Association, is so well fixed to battle against it. The only thing wanting to complete the effi- ciency of the S. B.A. is that exhaustive balance- sheet which Puck anxiously awaits. FITZNOODLE IN AMERICA. XCIX. HIS YACHT CRUISE, Ya-as, I have an ideah that when I last wote I thrweat- ened to descwibe the fellawsand f-f-fe- male cweatures who compwised the visit- ahs aboard this yacht, Xarwifa, Aw suppose I must do it; but I'm sorwy I pwomised, faw it is a beastly baw. I’m wathah enjoying the cwuise, although 1 can’t verwy well wemembah the differwent we- sorts we have temporwarwily sojourned at. There is a fellaw called Wice, with his aw wife. She is a much nicer fellaw than he—that is to say, I am pwedisposed in her favah. He has some pwetensions to literwarwy ability, has been to Eurwope, talks a gweat deal about Gweat Bwitain, and pwofesses not to like any- thing Amerwican. “Aw Mr. Fitznoodle,” he wemarked, ‘when I was in Warwickshire I have fwequently heard of the historwic gwandeur of your illustwious wace.”” “Aw,” I weplied. “Ya-as," he continued, “I wondah you can endure wemaining in this verwy inferwiah countwy for so long a perwiod. I suppose you are desirwous of studying the mannahs and customs of a people who are endeavorwing to emerge fwom barbarwism.” “Aw,” Lobserved. But I thought it wemark- ably stwange that a Wepublican Amerwican should expwess himself with wegard to his na- tive land in such an extwaordinarwy mannah, I wondah if he thinks Jack and I have any gweatah wespect for him because he wuns down his own countwymen? Mrs. Wice diffahs widely fwom her aw hus- band. She apparwently pwides herself on be- ing born in Amerwica—perhaps, as I am in- formed, because she is of poor but wespectable parwentage. Her pwogenitors subsequently managed to accumulate a pwodigious numbah of gweenbacks, silvah and othah descwiptions of pwecious metal, and then, of course, the childwen, as is often the case, became wespect- able, and consequently pwesumably arwisto- cwatic. This couple pass mustah verwy well. ‘Then there is a young fellaw—extwemely young. His name is—I aw forget—but he has a bwothah to whom he bears a wemarkable we- semblance. I think they must be twiplets, or twins, or something of that sort. They have a fai-ah tailah, and, I have no doubt, pwove good customahs, as this tailah does his best to make them look like Englishmen, with a moder- wate degwee of success, I have wun acwoss them occasionally in New York, and in one or two instances I patwonized them by carwying on a few words of conversation, I'm afwaid that I shall be unable, in this scwawl, to give a descwiption of the othah peo- ple aboard this quite wespectable cwaft. Aw shall be undah the necessity of deferwing it until a fuchah perwiod—perhaps next week. There is a vast numbah of things it is abso- lutely necessarwy I should have something to say about. Aw I want to ewiticize the conversation, the mannahs and the peculiarwities of the visitahs, and how Jack and I twy to while away the al- most wearwy hours with people who certainly would not be in our set if we were in Gweat Bwitain. I wish to speak about the daily woutine aboard; what we do, and the places we have the pwivilege of gazing upon, et cxterwa, aw. comicbooks.com