Puck — July 23, 1879 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. A LITTLE WHILE. lL ss OW cheap is human life! T heard a stranger say, As, with my soul in strife, paced the park one day, To ease the bile. Accosting him, who spoke These words of grave import— Quoth I: “Make no mistake! With blood and breath we sport A little while.” IL. ‘A little while we move, ‘Within our special spheres; A litle while we prove That flippant faith and fears ‘Our hearts beguile. ‘Ah, friend! E’en now my heart, Betrayed by scandal’s stroke, Rebels against the smart, Yet wears its galling yoke— A little while.” It, Said he: «It seems that you, Like others, have small need To borrow that which few Are e’er without, indeed— (Excuse my smile.) Affliction makes no choice, But rankling darts it hurls; ‘Their whiz, a warning voice ‘That Grief its pall unfurls A little while,” Charmed by his gracious tone, ‘And flattered by his mien, I made his heart my own, And gave him mine, I ween,. In gushing style. He told of wretched days, And touched me very deep; But if he ne'er repays ‘The ducats loaned, I'll weep A little while—and then vehemently. expostulate with my egregious stu- pidity. Erratic Enrique. TRIFLES. A New York daily inquires: ‘ Who will give Grant a Legacy?” We think the people: can safely leave the answer to posterity. ‘THERE was no Orange procession in this city on the 12th. A picnic was given instead, and,, owing to the absenco of green, black eyes were at a premium. Tue Duke of Argyle was at Newport a guest of Cyrus W. Field, and the last-named toady: is standing on his head for joy at the thought! of having captured a live duke, NotwITHSTANDING the fact that warm wea- ther is remarkable for the consumption of beer,: and _ not whiskey, snake-stories of a kind sug- festive of delirium tremens continually appear: in the columns of the country press, ‘ Tue remains of a mastodon have been dis- _ covered in Orange county, which on inquiry will doubtless prove to be the missing backbone of the Democratic party in Congress. NorwitHsTanpinG all the newspaper talk about the elevated railroads, we nowhere see the latter called by an appropriate name. “ The Devil on Two Sticks” would not be a bad one. Tue undertaker now eyes askance the imma- ture peach and youthful green apple, and mur- murs under his breath, as ecstatic visions of small boys, doubled up like jackknives, dance before his mental vision: ‘‘I gather ’em in, I scoop ’em in!” A prove of Texan steers broke loose up- town last week, and the finest police force in the world, not being partial to ‘‘ horns” of a bony texture, slid up a tree and let em ’break. Conpuctors on the New York, Lake Erie and Western R. R. are prohibited, in a circu- lar just issued, from waving ‘ handkerchiefs or hands at strange !adies.” ‘This circular is un- reasonable in its demands. Surely a conductor who wishes to get up an innocent flirtation with a lady cannot wave his pocketbook or a No. 12 foot out of the window of a passing train! Mr. R, p'Oytey Carte, advance agent and business manager for Messrs. Gilbert and Sulli- van, “ Pinafore” fiends, states in a recent in- terview that his clients think of producing “Pinafore” in this country, “ just to show how we think it should be rendered.” Oh, by all means, go ahead and produce. The American taste and judgment in musical matters are poor. Let both Messrs. Gilbert and Sullivan figure in the cast of the production, and just as soon as they arrive at that “hardly ever” gag, they will have cause to be astonished at the warmth of their reception, including, as it will, as much defunct feline and unripe vege- table as an outraged and long-suffering people can lay its hands on. M. F. Donovan. NO WONDER. An educated Sandwich Islander, who had read in books that dyspepsia is our national disease, chanced to be driving with a friend along Ocean Avenue one morning last week, when some unusual commotion broughta female head to every window at the hotel they were passing, Over each forehead a handkerchief was bound. Our visitor was surprised at first, but a smile of intelligence in a moment crossed his face. He took out his note-book and jotted down for the future edification of his country- men: “Fashionable ladies. Late hours. Dis- sipation, Generalsuffering from headache next morning.” Poor, innocent stranger from a land where the women are not yet civilized, he couldn't suspect that these were but bandages purposed to keep intractable bangs and idiot fringes in readiness for the afternoon’s campaign. RHYMES OF THE DAY, LOGIC, ‘They prove the world is round By argument quite sound:— When a ship sails to us fast, We see her spars and mast Before her hull. Now, if the world were flat Or anything like that, Sailed ship however fast, Whene’er we saw her mast We'd see her whole. TWO LOVERS AND TWO POPS, Two lovers swung upon a gate In ecstasy and bliss; And, when the moon slipped ’hind a cloud, Each did the other kiss. _ What was it made their fond hearts hop It was—it was the kisses’ pop. id Two lovers skipped from off a gate. A voice came down the lane, “T thought I told you not to swing Upon that gate again!” What was it made their pleasure stop? Tt was—it was Maria’s Pop. A cyurcu struck by lightning, ‘The people all fright’ning! The building escapes being fired. But down comes the steeple! Says one of the people: — ‘Behold ye, our church is ex-spired.” WORSE, So pretty, pert and winning is Louise, And yet is she a torment and a tease, She exasperates her mother “Riles” her sister and her brother, Does Louise, “You shall marry some young grocer,” Said her pa; ‘‘now don’t say ‘No, sir.” “Your talent you can then employ on tease.” Stowcus. WRITING TO MR. BERGH. “Don't forget, dear, to mention a sun-bonnet for me and a shade for your poor These men are getting perfectly intolerable!”