Puck — July 23, 1879 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. 317 SEVEN STAGES OF DRUNKENNESS. All the world’s a Bar, ‘And all the men and women merely drinkers: They have their hiccups and their staggerings; And one man in a day drinks many glasses, His acts being seven stages. At first the gent- leman, Steady and steadfast in his good resolves; And then the wine and bitters, appetiser, And pining, yearning look, leaving like a snail The comfortable bar. And then the arguments, ‘Trying like Hercules with a wrathful frontage To refuse once more gin cocktail, Then the mystified, Fullof strange thoughts, unheeding good advice, Careless of honor, sodden, thick, and gutt'ral, Seeking the troubled repetition Even in the bottle’s mouth; and then quite jovial, In fair good humor while the world swims round, With eyeballs misty, while his friends him cut, Full of nice oaths and awful bickerings: And so he plays his part. ‘The sixth age shifts Into stupid, slipping drunken man With “blossoms” on his nose and bleary-eyed, His shrunken face unshaved, from side to side He rolls along; and his unmanly voice Huskier than ever, fails and flies And leaves him— staggering round, Last scene of all, ‘That ends this true and painful history, Is stupid childishness, and then oblivion— Sans watch, sans chain, sans coin, sans every- thing. —San Francisco News Letter, DIED—at New York, Mr. E. A. Bibby. MARRIED—At St. Joseph, Mo., Miss Ottie Tootle. Shed tears for Mr. Bibby, For Mr. E. A. Bibby,— You may have known him, mebbe ?— Well, Mr. Bibby’s dead; The sad news is no fib, a Soft summer breeze is sibi- Lant in the grass exhibi- Ted o'er his narrow bed. The mourners’ salt tears dribble As this threnody I scribble, But if he’s read his Bibbyle His soul on high has fled. So do not weep for Bibby, For Mr. E. A. Bibby, But gently say, “Pax 4ibi,” ‘And dry the tears you've shed. Betray no sorrow futile— At such a time ’twere brutal— Because Miss Ottie Tootle Has just been mar-ri-ed. To sounds of harp and flute’ll Dance gay the whole caboodle Of wedding guests; her poodle Will wear a ribbon red. With orange flowers and mootle* They'll deck fair Ottie Tootle, And after her the old boot’ll For luck throw when she’s fled. ‘They'll drink her health a gootlet Had I a petite bouteilley Of Mumm, Miss Ottie Tootle Should straightway be toast-ed. O may their joys be mutu'l, May they bill and coo like tutle- Doves||--may Miss Ottie Tootle And the happy man she’s wed. Hurrah for Ottie Tootle; *Rah for fair Ottie Tootle, Miss Tootle, Ottie,Tootle, And the lucky man she’s wed. —Chicago Tribune. *Myrtle, of course. $A good deal; it had to be spelled so to rhyme. $A small bottle; in Parree it would be pronounced p'tcct booteye. [Turtle-doves. Tue most soothing thing a man could do yesterday was to sit in the shade and sing the “Ninety and Nine.”—W, Y, Com. Advertiser. Eve always enlists the sympathy of the gent- ler sex when they reflect that before marriage she never had a chance to play off another fel- low against Adam.—W, Y. Com. Advertiser. . {Have you any objects of interest in the vicinity?” the tourist asked the Burlington man, “TI have, I have,” eagerly replied the other, “ but I can’t get at it to show it to you. It’s a ninety days’ note, and it’s down in the now, drawing interest like a horse-race or a mustard-plaster.” The traveler smiled ‘as though an angel had kissed him, But it hadn't. —Burlington Hawkeye. It is pretty hard tu throw off old habits all at once. A Nebraska dealer in agricultural implements “got religion,” felt it his duty to point out the way to others, and said to a far- mer: “Brother Jones, I will guarantee that if you join our church you will not only find it the best in the market, but it will take you straight through without any further inventory. Give it a trial, and if not satisfactory I will take back your religion and refund your money.”—Detroit Free Press. News comes from Port au Prince, Hayti, that the people are shooting Senators, and the Senators are running away and getting shot as they run. Now, if some enterprising capitalist, who has his country’s welfare at heart, would only import some of those patriotic and sensible people before the next session of Congress— but alas! that prospect is too blissful and rose- colored to be realized. Our poor country! Happy Haytil—w. Y. Mail. Ir doesn’t take much of a mathematician to count flies, but for fear that some of our read- ers may not know what a fly is, and how they are weighed, we append the following table. Green-grocers will find it an excellent authority for weighing butter 162 house- one ounce. 2,592 “ “ * pound. 259,200 “ hundred weight. 5,184,000“ “ ton, ‘The reader may extract some consolation by pasting this on the bedroom wall, and study- ing it at night.—. Y. Express. Beware of Counterfelts and Imitatt: BOKER’S BITTERBS. ‘The best Stomach Bitters known, containing most valu- able medicinal properties in all cases of Bowel complaints; a ure specific against D> Fever and Ague, &c. Cordial in itself takes pare. Tels also mest Cacclient ot ining with oth es, Bec. Comparatively the L FUNKE, Je., Dele get, P 0, Bex 1029, 78 John SL, H.Y. POND'S EXTRACT owes its wonderful success to merit alone. It is now acknowledged as a standard remedy, and is largely used by physicians in their every-day practice. Not a day passes without the ““ company" receiving some grateful acknow- ledgment particularly from persons cured of the following diseases: Sore Eyes, Bleeding from the Lungs, Stomach and Womb, Piles, blind and bleeding, Catarrh, Rheumatism, etc. Beware of imita- tions. Ask for Pop's Exrract—take no other. SOZODONT. To preserve the teeth and keep them pure and white, to prevent their decay, there is no preparation in the market equal to SOZODONT. To preserve the gums in a natur- ally hard and healthy condition, there is no superior to SOZO- DONT. To purify and sweeten the Breath there is no rival to SOZODONT. For a perfect mouth there is no recipe like the use of SOZODONT. Consequently it is no wonder that the popalanty of SOZODONT as a dentifrice has no bounds. All Druggists keep it. ANGOSTURA BITTERS ‘Tonle of ‘fas nt exquisite favor now Colics and all disorders of dive ore sricig manunctared | thant J. W. Hancox, U, 8. CHINEALYPTUS, “Thousand Dollar Acrostic.” ‘Chills, chills, malarial chills! Hope there gleams for a man with these ills, If he speedily sends unto us, No physic taking but Chink: it may be by its box pis tal, sey pills, small, te, oar surely find they will eure you gute, Palmetto on cover in blue you'll see, ‘Together with crocodiles viewing the tree. Useless ‘t would be for us, to say more, So well’s Chinkalyptus known at drug store. Chinkalyptus is sold at retail by all druggists at ag cents box, or $2.75 per family package of One Doven. Vicros & Maccex & Prruir, General Agents, Nos. 104 to 110 Reade St., New York, G, A. MUMM & C0.'S CHAMPAGNE. importation 1x 1878 35,906 Cases, or 16,270 cases More than of any other brand. OLD &RELIABL TOBACCO AND CIGARETTES. “MILD "—Rare Old. Virgi Perique and Virginia. New tions of these Fragrant Tobacces. ALWAYS UP TO THE STANDARD. Six First Price Medals. Paris 1873. Peerless Tobacco Works. ‘WM. S. KIMBALL & CO. Rochester, RUINARTestcstinea 17200H AMP AGNES, Connoisseurs pronounce recent shipments of these Wines tq be unequaled in quality. Verzenay, dry, full bodied, rich flavor. Carte Blanche, Fruity, delicate.favor, not too dry. DODGE, CAMMEYER & CO., 16 Cortlandt St., Sole Agents tor the United States. ARION SOCIETY. GRAND SEA-SIDE SUMMERNIGHT’S FESTIVAL —AND = BAL CHAMPETRE, Thursday, July Sist 1879, At West Brighton Beach Hotel, Coney Islanc. STIVAL woe ers O'CLOCK, P.M. |. by the full chorus of BO'CSe and an Orchestra of ists.—"The Orchestra and two fall Miltary Bands will pro- Tn the evening the Beach ‘and iat Muminated : also RE-WORKS! ADMISSION $100 For the accommodation of visitors the Oceaw Navicavion Pizx Co. will run boats to New Vork until a. st. “Tmatns by Culver's Prospect Park and Coney Island R. will rua all night in case of unfavorable weather the Festival will be post- The Committee. VANITY PAIR Flake Cut. FRAGRANT VANITY FAIR Loe Cur. “HALVES "—Rare Old oe poned to Friday, August 1st, 1879. HOTEL BRIGHTON, BRIGHTON BEACH, IM BRESLIN} propa CONEY ISLAND. st out : WITTY JEWS AND JEWISH WITS, OHLY WLusTRATED. PRICE OS SAN AT ALL NEWS STANDS. SS COMPANY, New York. comicbooks.com THE TRADE SUPPLIED BY THE