Puck — May 21, 1879 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. THE NEW RULE OF THE ROAD. Empopiment or Law:—Sorry your drive is interrupted, Mr. Vanderbilt; but these common folks don’t never know enough to get out of a gentleman's way.” to send ye my friend Mr. Belmont. MENT OF Justice:—‘‘I only wish it were in my power up for twenty years for daring to endanger the life of Don’t you dnow he’s a millionaire?” SPRING, ETC. ATS wheat to ryes While onion skies Appears morn's radish glow, And in the Turnip the hard- Packed ground—itis, jes’ sow. ‘At day-break hour, Weed caulifiower Most any name to greet; For to a nose That's just a rose It's melon—Oh, so sweet. Then lettuce beet From bed retreat, "Mong garden-beds to stray; To cabbage thyme From sleep sublime Will drive dull caraway. Pll own the corn— T've bean tor lawn— Felt seedy, sickle day I've cut and sward, Condemned the fraud, And said “July” to May, H.C. Dover, KWIPS UPON KIDDLE. Hi-piwpte diddle! The spirits and Kiddle! Lord Byron now lives in the moon. Prince Albert sends love to his hightoned Queen, And Shakspere'’s as daft as a loon! Littze Miss Kiddle, she sat by the griddle, And spoke not a word all the day. Up came a big spirit. She said, “Oh, I hear it!” And then she plenty to say. CCS. LXXXIX. DWESS—CONTINUED. Ya-as, I believe I was aw talking of jewelwy. Nothing can be worse than Edin- burwgh’s form. Fancy the appear- wance of this verwy inferwiah specimen of woyalty, who nevah has fewah than twenty wings on his fingahs, just like an Austwalian lucky diggah, Ya-as, wearwahs of wings, especially twiple ones, are quite unfit companions for gentlemen with pwopah ide-ahs of good f-f-form. This subject of dwess is a verwy extensive one. I aw would like to make some wemarks as to the circumstances undah which a fellaw may part his hair in the middle, may aw wear gaitahs, carwy his ‘‘Gibus,” wear pumps and elaborwately clocked socks, but at pwesent I haven't the time; but I hope, one of these very fine days, to have something to say about these mattahs, Aw, by the way, Harwis is heah with his ewicketahs, Harwis isn't half a bad sort of a fellaw. His team made a twemendous score against these Amerwicans, Not at all surpwised, ye know; nevah expected any othah wesult. Jack Carnegie is not going to South Afwica, aftah all aw. Ya-as, but I am wanderwing away fwom the subject of dwess, ‘‘ Wevenons 4 nos moutons,” as they say in Fwench. : The young Amerwican would-be fashionable club fellaw has a gweat penchant faw ulstahs in all descwiptions of materwial. I have no special objection to his wearwing these things, because they are considerwed all wight at home, ye know, even if they are a little loud and sometimes stwiped, making a fellaw wesemble a Bengal tigah or tigwess, or othah carnivorwous animal of similar species who wears varwiegated spots and othah geo- metwical figures on his exterwiah garments. But wegarding these ulstahs, it may also be put down as a stwictly invarwiable wule that everwy fellaw who wears a woarwingly light one is 2 b-b-beastly howling cad, almost on the bwink of degwadation, and scarcely fit to be tolerwated in wespectable society. I aw mean the light and conspicuous single-bweasted gar- ment that one can see severwal hundwed yards off in the stweet. : And the worst of it is, as I have. befaw pwe- viously wemarked, that when one of these fel- laws has wapped himself in this widiculously flashy arwangement, he thinks he is absolutely no end of a fellaw, and awfully gwand. I think I can sum up this portion of my ob- servations by saying that any youngstah who studies to affect peculiarwities in his dwess is weally, ‘pon my soul, not a gentleman, Well- bwed fellaws can wear anything, and it is not noticed as wemarkable; but, as a wule, the sons of wetirwed gwocers, contwactors and othah pwofessional people cahn’t aw. A CORRESPONDENT writes to tell us that Bing- hamton doesn’t want the p we gave it in our last number. We thank him for the cue, and will endeavor to mind our p’s hereafter. =) comicbooks.com