Puck — May 21, 1879 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. PUCK. 21 & 28 WARREN STREET. FOR SALE BY ALL NEWS DEALERS. Nos. Tunus To Sunscriners. JOS. KEPPLER. A. SCHWARZMANN. .-H, C. BUNNER. SPECIAL NOTICES. Order, ete. ons .y are to be addressed to (ANN. Remittances by M: KEPPLER & SCHWARZ ‘undertake to return rejected communications, and to thls ele we can make uo cxcopaen! ‘Puck 1s on Sale in London, at the News Agency of Messrs. HENRY F. GIL! x Strand, Charing Cross, and gt THE INTERNATIONAL NEWS COMPANY, 11, Bouverie Street, Fleet Street; in Paris, at TERQUEM'S, 12 Boulevard Bolssonniere, and on fle at th ** Office, 49 Avenue de CONTENTS. Chaplain Beecher in Montreal. |The New Rule of the Road— A Sound Suggestion to the Czar | _ illus, illus, Spring, Ete, (poem).—H. C. Ten Days’ Pay. ice. RINGS. __ | Frrzncopes m Amunica.—No. Fresh Fields and Pastures New. | _ LXXXIX. “Stork’-ing for the President. | The Mississippi Miracle (poem) Let Papa Cooper Show His | —illus— Irwin Russell. ‘Hand. Mrs. Victoria's. Birthday. Those Naughty Boys. ‘The Theatres. The Hose (poems) — illus, — Axswans rox ria Avaxiocs, ‘What Goeth on at Present. ‘The Timid Lover—illus Axcuim Gascovwa— John Fraser Pucx’s Excnances, CHAPLAIN BEECHER IN MONTREAL. HE readers of this journal have already noticed the solicitation from the 13th Regiment of Brooklyn for aid in paying their expenses to and from Canada in a jubilee to celebrate the birthday of young Lorne’s mother-in-law. Also they have noticed our respectful refusal to contribute. And our promise, in lieu of cash, to give the 13th a cartoon, We have kept our word, and the cartoon appears in our columns this week. And about this matter we have a word or two to say. * The regiment of which Mr. Beecher is chap- lain has long enjoyed a mild reputation for being a neatly-dressed and prettily-drilled corps of respectable young men, who were never suspected of attempting to set the river on fire by any deeds of heroism. But one day, some evil adviser threw the regiment into the teeth of the public by electing Mr. Beecher, to act as right (aye to the morals of the young sol- diers of the corps. ‘This was very nice adver- tising for Plymouth Church, but it does not seem to have been so nice for the regiment. And in saying this we do not wish to be con- sidered as attacking the men of the regiment —but only the snobs, who, like scum, are al- ways at the top. The snobs it is who have foisted the man Beecher upon the regiment, and who have placed it in the ridiculous posi- tion of acting as his body-guard while he goes and mouths his adulation to the Queen of Great Britain. What a position for American soldiers, that they cross the borders into a foreign territory to pay tribute to its queen! And to whose honor and glory will the whole affair redound? Not to the regiment, but to Beecher. When the menagerie passes through the streets, all the youngsters stare—nof at the gilded band cha- riot and the painted wagons—but at the ele- phant; and Canadians will go in hordes to see the hero cf the ‘Tilton scandal, while they would hardly step out of doors to gaze ata body of militia-men, And may the Canadians have a good time of it. It is expected that the 13th will drill in public; but just think—-if Beecher should drill! Of course he will dance before the Lord of the Dominion; and, as he never does things by, bal ves, doubtless he will appear in kilt and plaid, a nimble, though pot-bellied Highlander, for the nonce. But if he should drill! If he should show his own manceuvres as he has practised them these days—what a sensation would there be for da! “On fours!” (And he could show how he groveled before Frank Moulton.) “ Present arms! Two times in two motions!” (Very dif- ferent motions towards Theodore and towards Elizabeth.) “Charge!” (Here he could send the newsboys among the audience with copies of the great Brooklyn trial.) And so on; for the intelligent reader will see many oppor- tunities in which the personal exhibition of Beecher’s manceuvres would afford delight to thousands, How it will delight the Brooklyn soldiers we do not know; but how it will disgust the dis- tinguished Lady in whose honor Mr. B. hies himselfand body-guard to Montreal we do know. Whatever political or social errors the Queen may have committed, she has always been a stickler for the sanctity and purity of the home. And to be beslobbered by the defendant in the recent Brooklyn trial; will, we prophesy, bring a mother-in-lawish telegram to Lorne for allow- ing it, that will make the young man’s ears tingle way down to his toes. A SOUND SUGGESTION TO THE CZAR. What need to fear the assassin’s bullet's hiss *Neath the protection of a shield like this? ‘TEN DAY'S PAY. Mr. Caprain WILL1aMs, the locust hammer- teur, has been fined by the Police Commission- ers ten days pay for using bad language. It is a trite saying that “actions speak louder than words,” but this last case has knocked the rule completely out of time. The Commis- sioners in their wisdom do not object to Mr. Williams's action in “‘tapping" people’s heads with his club; but bad language they can’t stand: it hurts their feelings. They were quite right to fine the gentle policeman, but it ought to have been ten day’s income, instead of ten day’s pay; such an amount would have largely reduced the.City debt; but the Commissioners, we suppose, had regard for their own pockets in giving their decision. Purkerings. Cuest-PRoTEctors are called off. A tate 4 téte—Two niggers bucking, Last season's hose are apothcosized in this year’s parasols. As a spring-pea slips from its bursting shell, So sheddeth his ulster the Broadway swell.” A sasy in arms is a tyrant in the household, but when it grows older it is overweaning, Tue evenings are growing delightfully pleas- ant, and the Bench Show is now open in the Park. Tue country village that boasts a fire-engine makes its less fortunate neighbors “ pale their fires.” WitTH uncommon gallantry a man will resign his seat in a horse-car next to a colored woman who is eating peppermint-dropsand perspiring. Just as fresh strawberries make their appear- ance in the market, the boarding-house kee grows liberal with the preserved ones she been hoarding up all winter. A society has been formed in England for the preservation of ‘open spaces.” If Presby- teries prove unkind, Talmage need but run across and show them his mouth, to be assured of protection for the rest of his days. A TERRIBLE blow has been given the preva- lent belief in the miraculous medicinal quali- ties of red flannel. General Garibaldi has the rheumatism so badly that he cannot move his right arm or put his left foot on the ground, McKexvey, the base-ballist, has accepted a position as hotel clerk, What a terrible come down it must be to him.—Boston Post, Why, man alive, is he not just fitted for the place? Hasn't he always been strong on the “dia- mond”? Our esteemed contemporary, the Evening Post, has just struck Pinafore; and is giving its readers small tentative doses in every issue. We warn our venerable friend against’ falling into any errors of giddy and premature styles of humor, Tue Woodruff Scientific Expedition col- lapsed because its projected trip was not ar- ranged to meet the convenience of the only class that can afford to spend twenty-five hun- dred dollars for an excursion.. They should have arranged to return by the first of Decem- ber, so that the plumbers might be back in time for their winter harvest. ‘Tue raindrops that fall when the brightness is gone, are the tears of the sky for the loss of the sun.—™ ¥. Tribune, And the teardrops that fall When the raindrops take flight, Are the tears of the son For the loss of his kite, Which he had so far out that he couldn’t haul it in in time to escape the shower. NOTICE. —— Numbers 14,42, 43 and 48 of Puck willbe bought at this office, 21 & 23 Warren Street, at 25 cents per copy. Comicbooks.com