Puck — May 14, 1879 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

154 PUCK. PUCK’S ‘CONDENSED NOVELS. (Continued from 7th page.) CHAPTER VI. Courgau and Lantier became very good friends, and enjoyed one another's society amazingly. It willl be noticed that all the characters in this novel bear no animosity to- wards each other. They are awfully realisti- cally forgiving. Our work required-some re- deeming feature, and it’s got this. The firm of Gervaise and Coupeau now took Lantier in as an unlimited partner on the Oneida Community plan. It didn’t work as well as it might have done. Coupeau continued to take more realistic cocktails than were wholesome for him. Lantier didn’t, but had just as good a time. CHAPTER VII. Coureav ‘now regularly patronized the gin- mill known as the Assommoir. Gervaise badly neglected her washing, and passed her time chiefly in sending things to the Parisian Simpson’s; and even then she couldn’t pay b her rent, and had to move before the 1st of May. CHAPTER VIII. AsouT this period Mr.Coupeau's mother was stupid enough to die. The corpse and coffin were marvels of real- ism, This death set Gervaise thinking of coffins, and she began to get nervous, and said one day to the fashionable undertaker of the neighbor- hood: “TI hope, Mr. Bazonge, you won't sell out your stock quickly, as I shail in all probability want something in your line some day.” Gervaise, it will be seen, wasn’t quite such a fool as she looked. CHAPTER IX. Coupeau—drunk. CHAPTER X. Gervaise— drunk. CHAPTER XI. Both—drunk. CHAPTER THE LAST. Mr. Coupeau now passed the greater portion of his time in going to and from the Hospital, and ultimately staying there. He amused himself in this establishment with exercises in delirium tremenses, which resulted in his over-doing it a little—something in this He got tired out at last and died wiggling his feet. Perhaps he died because his feet wiggled. Perhaps his feet wiggled because he i ‘i Anyhow, they wiggled—realistically. Of course there was nothing else for Gervaise to do but to follow him, and, as became a dutiful wife, she lost no time in drinking herself to realistic death in a realistic hole under the realistic stairs. Father Bazonge put her in a realistic coffin. Hop-la. GENTLE SPRING. Wenn eyes as bright as jewels fair, The frisky frog doth cling To mossy banks and stones, until He makes a gentle spring. With striped suit the gymnast waits Outside the circus ring, ‘And as he enters with a bound, He gives a gentle spring. With quivering voice the town-clock man Attemps in vain to sing, While with bis feeble, trembling hands He turns the gentle spring. With swarthy cheeks and unkempt hair, ‘The organ-grinders fing ‘Theis tattered garments "round about, ‘And grind out “ Gentle Spring.” ‘With heart and brain and soul afire, The poet gay doth bring His poem to the editor, ‘Who damns the “ Gentle Spring.” ‘And as he started for the door, He made the welkin ring; And 'twould have made your sad heart glad To sce that Gentile spring. Tom Curystar. JESUS AND JUSTICE. Saw Francisco sanctity is trying to fine and imprison Mr. James O'Neill for playing Jesus Christ in the now famous Passion Play. We have investigated the matter, and we really can’t see any cause for this tremendous access of holy ire. There is no complaint that full justice was not done to the part. Mr. O'Neill is a handsome young man, and a clever artist, and though his particular line is lovers and light-comedy, yet his rendition of this difficult rdle has been’ highly commended as realistic and effective. His prosecutors urge, however, that Jesus Christ is the son of God, and that it is wrong to represent him on any stage. ‘To which it has been modestly urged that the titlé is disputed, and that, granting the facts, it may well be left to the powers concerned to chastise Mr, O'Neill if he deserves it. But we expect to hear next of indictments being found against Miss Mary Magdalen and the Voice from the Housetops. Tue first mosquito has reached town, but he hasn’t got his sting up yet. A Low-cuT shirt and a red-flannel under- garment do not match well, Firty dollars wouldn’t buy a very large dia- mond pin, but—who'll chip in for a testimonial > Mr. WuistLer, the American artist, has failed. We suppose we may call this a “ bust Wuat a wonderful unanimity the Custom House element introduces into the delibera- tions of a grand jury! This is only a passing reflection—no extra charge. Now, Lemuel Williams, when you get out of the House of Detention, you'll know better than to own $50 bills next time, won't you? Iv there’s one thing Charley De Flukey specially prides himself upon, ,it is that, no matter ‘ft late he may come home at night, he always gets up before breakfast. THE THEATRES. “Snowball” and ‘Delicate Ground” sil] flourish at Wattack’s. The Pinafore children, or children who are or ought to be in Pinafores, continue to amuse numbers of ladies and child. ren, who otherwise wouldn’t know what to do with themselves in the afternoon, ‘The Mid. shipmitette is about the smallest thing in the phenomenally atomic line we ever beheld. Mrs. Fanny Foster, the accomplished elo- cutionist and writer, will give an entertainment at CuickERING Hatt, on Friday evening next, She is to be assisted by Miss Clementine Lasar and other artists. We shall have something to say about Aimée in ‘Madame Favart” at the ParK, as soon as we have seen the opera. It wouldn’t do to write a notice without, and our tyrannical press. man is merciless, “Damme, it’s too bad.” Never mind the wherefore, the Church Choir Pinafore is at the Broapway. But we'll go and hear it for all that. “Lost Children” soon succumbs to an dependent press; and Rice’s Surprise Party will come to the Union Square. Answers Foy the Anions. Haseutine.—Stay your hand—she loves you! Heten Beers.—Certainly; we can tell you how to take a grease-spot out of a silk dress. Cut it out. Grorce E, S.—A good brand of wine may gain an added flavor from the accumulation of the rolling years; but we want to tell you that Time simply wears a pan bald-headed. Don Pasquate.—t: No, we do not think that Mme, Gerster will sing at Tony Pastor's this year. 2: Vesa thoroughly equipped tenor ought to have both a larynx and an cesophagus. Martita.—If your husband persists in coming home in that way, improvise a scarecrow for him out of a clean sheet and the hall hat-rack, and thus gently lure him to love the joys of domesticity. L. M. P. R.—You have one of the awfulest names we have struck in a year. It suggests the lettering ona Roman Sunday school banner, We believe you must be some relation of old S. P.Q.R. In that case, it is be- neath your Latin dignity to write such unconscionably bad poems. Cosague.—If you have any sweet little ones on the banks of the Dnieper or the Don, you want to go back to them right away. To die the death of a poet is at all times hard; but to lose your entrails in a foreign coun- try, for writing bad spring poems, must be a bitter fate for a man who takes any stock in the respect of his own personal posterity. C. Straw.—We acknowledge, with thanks, receipt of the following note: Warextown, Wis., May roth, "79. iy possesion a small picture of a Locomotive aed size 3 oF 4 inches by § or 6 inches yograph or wood-cut oF stereotype? Please 22- C.Sreaw. Mr. Straw, we have given your question the closest at- tention, and, judging all the facts from a purely impar- tial standpoint, we rather incline to the opinion that it is achromo, There are several ways of satisfying yourself. One is to dip it in a dilute solution of hydrochloric acid, mixed with a little frangipanni, hang it out to dry on the south side of a brick wall, and then ask some other fel- low. Another is to treat it with dignified firmness, and coax it to own up itself. Or you might measure the chiar’ oscuro with a foot-rule, and see if it comes. up to the palzeozoic standard, In that case you will probably find it to be a mezzotint, réchauffée, with onions. Bat we should advise you, speaking as friends, to settle the question by hunting it up in the directory.