Puck — May 7, 1879 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. anges. THE TERRIBLE DUST. See the madly-blowing dust— Dusty dust! How it revels in the gust, How it covers with a crust Of tenacious, moisty must Ev'ry objeet in the street. It is monarch of us all— When it rises up we fall; When it comes, When it hums, Ev'ry kind of business flags— Ev'ry kind of business lags— And it gags And it snags Ev'ry class of trade afloat. It is death to eyes and throat, For it kills As it fills Ev'ry eye and ev'ry throat. Oh! the dust, the dust, the dust— It is useless to complain, Intercessions are in vain— But it’s neither fair nor just We should suffer so with dust, For the city is not bust. Oh, the dust! It is here, it is there, It is flying everywhere! How it permeates the air! People swear! Oh, the dust— How it’s cuss'd! — St, Louis Times-Journal. TO A SCHOOL-GIRL. Now warm sunbeams flood the valley And the daisy’s flaked with dew, While the swallows swiftly sally Round the melancholy yew. Why the yew is melancholy I could never well define; Unto me it’s quite as jolly As the sycamore or pine. Now the stars no longer glimmer, All the mead’s a golden charm, And you take your little primer Underneath your little arm; And, while belted bees are sipping Honey round the placid pool, With a smile you're lightly tripping On your merry way to school. Let me tell you, pretty creature, Bright, angelic little dove, E’en upon your smiling “ teature” Cast a tender look of love. Let this be your great endeavor, E’er be to her good and kind, And when starting schoolward, never Leave your dinner-box behind.—Star. MATRIMONIAL, ‘There was a young fellow of Rome Who stayed all the night from his home, In the morning his fair Just fixed up his hair With a broomstick instead of a comb. —Puck. HIS COURTSHIP. There was a young suitor named Puck, Who with a fair damsel was struck. She remarked, “‘ Little chap, 5 Don’t you sit in my lap! If you do, you'll go home on a truck!”’ —Rome Sentinel. AnyTHInG to meet Grant.—Rochester Ex- press. A MAN overboard.—Ourself, by spring poets, —Baltimore Every Saturday. Lots of Englishmen are “‘ out" on Parole. —First Blood for Boston Post. ImaGinaTION goes a long distance with a five-cent cigar.—. O, Picayune. ‘Tuey can’t hit Booth with bullets. He must have some royal blood in his veins.— Rochester Express. Has any paragrapher observed that Hanlon is the noblest row man of them all ?— Toronto Gossiper. “Given up by the doctors.” All hope of collecting more than one-third of their bills.— —New York News. Sprinc divorce-suits are cut lower in the neck than usual, with a scandal en train.— Cincinnati Enquirer. Tue Zoo had a good year in 1878. In fact, you never see the Zoo-lose in this part of the world.—Phila, Bulletin. Tue man who pulled down his white vest fot summer wear struck the season too previously this week.—. O, Ficayune, Sat Chelmsford, looking around, anxiously, “Ts Prince Louis here? Yes? Then let the battle go on."—Boston Transcript. * A younc man in New Milford, in a spirit of reckless desperation, married a girl in the midst of house-cleaning.— Danbury News, Tue absorbing question—‘‘ What will you drink?”—Puck. The question of the hour— “What time is it?— Waterloo Observer. A question that is giving the Pittsburgh law students the headache—‘‘ Can a man marry his widow's sister?”—Ailsburgh Telegraph. We are afraid that Mr. Talmage may be shot some day by some stage-struck lunatic who is dissatisfied with his acting.— Chicago Zribune. Ir some ambitious coachman should marry Mr. Belmont’s daughter Mr. Belmont might learn something about driving. — Chicago Tribune. Since the Democrats have a majority in the House the restaurant is to be enlarged by re- moving the bath-house to another building.— N.Y. Herald. In shooing a fly the more experienced black- smith uses a cloth instead of a hammer. It is not so liable to damage the furniture.—San Francisco Wasp. A TERRIFIC engagement took place on the sth ult. between the Chilians and Bolivians. One Brigadier-General lost his hat.— ew York Comm, Advertiser. Tue British minister at Berlin is Lord Odo Russell. Will not some thoughtless person please remark that Lord Dodo comes from an extinct race ?—Burlingson Hawkeye. Tue first straw-hat of the season made its appearance on the streets yesterday. The man who wore it was hired by the proprietor of an ice-cream saloon. — Phila. Kronikle-Herald. ‘THE water was out of the Public Garden pond Saturday, disclosing the bottom covered with a quantity of old cans, overshoes, etc., sufficient to pasture a large herd of goats for some time. —Boston Post, Some unknown lover of truth says: “The man who makes the coffee at a hotel is never seen by the public, That’s one reason why none of them are ever found dead in thealley.” —Camden Post. Aw English paper says Bret Harte’s humor is of the “genuine English” character. The author of the ‘‘ Heathen Chinee” should sue the editor of that paper for $150,000 damages. —WNorr. Herald, Look upon the strawberry when it is re when it giveth its color in the short cake; for at the last it biteth like a serpent and is indj. gestible like unto a Welsh rarebit eaten at mid. ‘night. New York Mail, McKe vey, the base-ballist, has accepted a position as a hotel clerk, What a terrible come-down it must be to him.— Boston Post, He can be depended on for a fresh pitcher in every room.— Phila, Bulletin, LoNGFELLOw begins a poem in the Jnterna- tional Review with the exclaim: “« How cold are thy baths, Apollo,’” Apollo will probably explain that the poet must have turned the wrong faucet.—Syracuse Stand- ard. A FEMALE member of a church choir tried to “shoo” a hen over a high stone wall in North Wheeling, yesterday, and the people for four blocks around turned out, thinking that a circus steam caliope was out on parade.— Wheeling Leader, A Hairpin is a very useful article to a woman, It serves the purpose of toothpick, button hook, and hair-fastener, but all this is no excuse for having one in your vest-pocket, when your wife doesn’t know where it comes from,.— New York Express. Tue Syracuse Zimes sympathizes with the ice dealers who will lose part of their crop by the collapsing of this world on July 11, as an- nounced by the Adventists. ‘I'here is always some such thing as this to keep an ice-dealer poor.—W. ¥. Express. Ir some of our photographers would make copies of a trout for our fishermen to take along to look at once in a while, it would be a com- forting and a Christian deed. Of course it would be difficult to get the trout, but one might be found in some museum. — Boston Standard. We don’t set ourselves up as an art critic by any manner of means, but the picture cata- logued “K 9—A Study of a Dog-head, Price $50,” we saw at an Art Gallery exhibition re- cently, strikes us as being well executed and capitally drawn, except that the ears are fore- shortened too much. Otherwise it is admirably life like and a barkin’ at the price stated.— Cin. Sat, Night, LAST MONTH. Tue month of April is the seventh month of the year. It was originally the thirteenth, bub in 1302 Augustus Czesar changed the calendar because he had a note to meet in the middle of the month, and didn’t have a cent to pay it with, and so he dropped that month out cn- tirely, and April thus became the third month, as it nov It was named after Aprilis, the god of spring, who used to get up on the last day of March, and taking a paint-pot and a marking-brush, go around the country painting Latin mottoes and moral precepts and bursts of poetry on the rocks and trees, among others, the following gems which have come down to our own day: i “ Takibus liverimus correctore for the Blood- ibus.” “Dulce et decorum est to take ‘rye and rock’ in the “Honey, tar, rumque cano, for colds and coughs.” “Vox populi pro Bolus’s corn pilaster est.” “Gissipius W. Achates, ear and lung doc- tor.” “ Chew only optimus nave plug, ten cents a hunc.” “Tn hoc cough syrup vinces, big mortar.” ‘The motto of April is “Dum eripuit, erump,” which means, ‘Do not go out of the house without an ulster, a duster, a chest-protector and a palm-leaf fan.”— Burlington Hawkeye. Sign of the