Puck — April 16, 1879 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. Ir will perhaps be interesting news to some of our contemporaries to learn that that dis- tinguished young fool, Lord Lorne, does not happen to possess the authority to forbid the circulation of Puck or any other paper in the dominion. Indeed, if some of our writers were half as well informed in regard to the government of the country from which they come as they are of the art of fabricating imag- inary letters, they would know that even the young man’s Royal mother-in-law has not the wer, of her own volition, to prohibit the cir- culation of any paper. In this matter, the truth is, that a lick-spittle ministry sent notice to all newsdealers holding stamp licenses that their license would be forfeited if they kept the paper alluded to for sale. Of course this was a piece of insolent bounce which a high-spirited people would not submit to; but then, perhaps the people of Canada are not high-spirited.— San Francisco Wasp. Tue Zulus have established a precedent— that is, they have Cetewayo doing things.— Boston Post Sittinc Butt has seen Puck's picture of Senator Burnside, and he is perfectly crazy to get at the man he says “ has a scalp on each side of his face.—Piila. Kronikle- Herald, Tue trees in the north woods of this State are all in bad condition this spring, having re- ceived so many bullets and buck-shot intended for deer and bear by fancy hunters.—Detroit Free Press. Tue fact that the American continent con- tains so many bald-headed men is what riles the red savage, but the Government does not seem to have discovered this important fact yet.—San Francisco Wasp. Youxc man ignorant of chess—* Patrick, what is giving ‘stale mate ?’” “ Faix, an’ av ye tuk yer grub where meself does, ye’d soon get yer information. Stale mate is it? ow! ow!"”—Cin, Sat, Night. PARAGRAPHERS may yet have cause to com- bine against the Chinese. Ah Sin, a Sixth street laundryman, winked his almond eye the other day and remarked that he wasn’t the biggest Ah Sin the world after all.— Cin, Saturday Night, A MAN was found dead after the recent thun- der storm, but as he had a copy of last week’s Puck in his hand, the coroner's jury were un- able to decide whether he was struck by light- ning or split his sides laughing.— Zoronto Na- tional, A MAN out west recently looked down the muzzle of a rifle, and at once took his depart- ure for the Summer Land. Instead of putting the epitaph on his tombstone of “Didn't know,” etc., they inscribed it “Gunned to glory.”— Bradford Era. A coLLector of old porcelain thought to please a friend by offering him a draught of water from one of his rarest ewers, and was sub- limely disgusted with his friend’s remark that the fluid “tasted a little Bric-a-Bracish."— Mew Haven Register. “ILLusTRIOUS potentate,” says the King of Siam to his guest, General Grant, ‘are you to be the next emperor of America?” ‘Then smoked Ulysses mused a little while in silence, and made answer very gravely, “ Yes, Siam.” —New Orleans Picayune, Tennyson is paid by the magazines at the rate of a guinea a line for poctry. Having been a spring poet ourselves previous to contracting the smallpox, which eradicated the disease, we have some little sympathy for spring poets, poor fellows, and merely insert this item to encou- rage them not to think of the rolling river or the cup of cold pisin yet awhile, but to wait until the fever has reached its height. If they do not then receive a guinea a line, the sooner life is extinct the better.—. ¥. Com, Adv. ‘Tue editor who wrote: ‘ When the school- master sat down upon a bent pin, he suddenly arose and remarked, I did not see that ‘ Pin-a- fore,’ has been publicly assassinated by a mass meeting of his fellow citizens called for that purpose.—AModern Argo. Sucar, the chemists tell us, is composed of coal and water. Now, if the grocers would only remember this, and put coal in the sugar, when they feel compelled to mix it, instead of sand, it would be very gratifying to their cus- tomers.— Burlington Hawkeye. A younc man who went into the country, introduced himself to a spring hen-roost and heard something go off very like a shot-gun, simultaneously explained his absence and lame- ness to his friends upon his return by saying that he had just got back from Leadville.— Wheeling Leader. “ Howpy this morning?” says an acquaint. ance to a fat citizen, who is blowing and steam- ing with great speed along the sidewalk. “ Training for a walk?" ‘ No,” puffs the fat citizen, turning his bulging eyes neither to the right nor left; ‘I'm walking for a train.”— Rockland Courier. Ir has been proved that the strength, care and thought expended by the average house- wife in coaxing a weak-chested, hollow-backed, consumptive geranium up two inches, would lift a ton weight three-quartars of a mile and raise a thousand dollar mortgage out of sight. —Bridgeport Standard. “To fall in love with a plain-faced but noble- mannered and interesting girl, has become one of the prevailing usages of New York society,” says the Home-Journal of that city. If this strange fashion could only be introduced in Boston, what a Bonanza it would be to the young ladies there.—Detroit Free Press. A piAMonp weighing 400 karats—the largest in the world—was recently found in India. During the past few weeks the owner has re- ceived twenty-seven letters from young Ameri- cans who will act as clerks at seaside hotels the coming season. It is easy to imagine the ob- ject of the missives.— Norristown Herald. “THe Choctaw Indians prohibit flirting in their churches.” And this is the reason why a Choctaw church contains as few young people as a woman's rights convention. ‘The boys go down to the old mill and play “seven up” for fire-water, while the maidens sit in the bay windows at home and throw kisses to the dozen or two Cnicago drummers who happen to be in town.—Norristown Herald. A young lady was sitting with a gallant cap- tain in a charmingly-decorated recess. On her knee was a diminutive niece, placed there pour des convenances. In the adjoining room, with the door open, were the rest of the company. Says the little niece, in a jealous and very audi- ble voice, ‘‘ Auntie, kiss me too.” I leave you to imagine what had just happened. ‘ You should say éwice, Ethel, dear; ‘wo is not gram- mar," was the immediate rejoinder.—London World. Vichy from the Springs strive, Geaxne, Gunite and Horrrat—the only | ‘ ‘THE PRIEORICHSHALL 1s Tt ONLY RELIABLE avo BEST ov ALL Brrtexwatens, POND'S EXTRACT. Toilet Soap. An excellent article for the Baw and Nuxseay, softens the skin and is delightful to use. Price per box (3 cakes), $9 cents, ‘On sale by all respectable druggists. BOZODONT. To preserve the teeth and keep them pure and white, to prevent their decay, there is 00 preparation in the market equal to SOZODONT To preserve the gums in a natur- ally hard and healthy conditos, there is no superior to SOZO- DONT. To purify and sweeten the breath there is no rival to SOZODONT. For a perfect mouth there is no recipe like the use of SOZODONT. Consequently it is no wonder that the populanty ef SOZOVONT as a dentifrice bas no bounds. All Droggists keep it. 93 Beware of Counterfeita and Imitations!| BOKER’S BITTERS., The best Stomach Bit ining most valu- able medicinal properties wel complaints; a ive specific against Dys ‘ever and Ague, &c. A fine cordial in itself, if taken pure. It is also most excellent for mixing with other cordials, wines, &c. Comparatively the cheapest Bitters in existence. Agest, P. 0, Bex 1020, 78 John St, N.Y. BF J.G. B. SIEGERT & SONS’ WORLD-RENOWNED ANGOSTURA BITTERS. Iajustly celebrated for its exquisice ip ts, grocers and liquor deal al prin sts, grocers and liquor dealers J. W. Hancox, Sole Agent for the United Staten, st Broadway, New York. P. 0. Bor, 3610 —Gro. Wuppermann, Manager, pil at Ad dette nehtnilt ni FRACRANT VANITY FAIR. A W CIGARETTE gotten up in honor of the Pari rard. Each Cigarette beara cut of the Paris Medal anc brand, Parisian Gur Tokacco and. Cigarettes are beter than ever paced for Pu Rxcellence. "Special Koons are removed without pain by the use of Ramune & Co, Conn curs, mo cutting. Price 25 Cts. per Box. Postage free. Depot No. 4 Warren St. New Vork. Ifyou have no Corns show this Card to your frieod who has; he will thank you for it A CARD. To all who are suffering from the errors and indiscretions of youth, nervous weakness, early decay, loss of manhood, &c. 1 Will send a recipe that will cure you CHARGE: This Great remedy was discovered by a missionary in South America, Send a self-addressed envelope to the Rev. Josern T, Inwax, Station D, New Yorx Crrv, “PUCK” CIGARETTES ARE FASHIONABLE AT PRESENT. ‘Their quality and make up outshines all those heretofore used. They are made on a new system by B. POLLAK, the Manufacturer of NEW YORK, and sold by every frst class dealer Regist? TRADE MARK. Se VIRGINIA CUT CAVENDISH, MANUPACTURED BY MARBURG BROS. In Memoriam Brigham Young. To supply the demand for the above named Illustration, another Edition of the Cartoon has been published, and can be obtained from any Newsdealer or from the Office of Puck, 21 & 23 Warren Street. comicbooks.com