Puck — April 9, 1879 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. Nos. 21 & 23 WARREN STREET. FOR SALE BY ALL NEWS DEALERS. TJerus To Suascrieers. One Copy one year, or $2 oumbers.. One Copy. six months, or 26 m One Copy tor thirteen weeks. 3 Postace Fars, Intusteatep sy... Busiwess Mawacer Eprror, Puc 1s on Sale in London, at the News Agency®of Messrs, HENRY F. GILLIG & CO., 449, Strand, Charing Cross, and at THE INTERNATIONAL NEWS COMPANY, 11, Bouverie Street, Fleet Street, and in Paris on file at the ‘* Herald” Office, 49 Avenue de Opera. We cannot undertake to return rqected communications, and tothis rule we can make no exception. $a Remitances by Money Order, etc, are 10 be addressed to Krprien & SCHWARZMANN. aa Our advertising friends are only required to pay bills presented on the billheads of Puck, with our stamp mirmussa thereon, KEPPLER & SCHWARZMANN. Be Mr. Fraser's novel, “Archie Gascoyne” will begin with No. 111. PUCK. = OPuine —= PRING (like a maiden, of a winter's dawn, Half*hesitating with a dainty dread, Who pauses, one soft limb without the bed, Flushed from the amorous clinging sheets withdrawn,) Shy as a forest-nymph’s attendant fawn, Slips from the coverlet that winter spread, Blushing in wind-flowers pink. And be it said, This month batrachians deck with crystal spawn The bosom of the pond. The turtle-dove His cooing apparatus tunes in D, And grey-coat Park Policemen stroll and think How beautiful is frank, Throned queenly on Devotion’s doe-skin'd knee. unblushing love, REMOVAL. : {37 Puck has removed to new and, of course, com- modious quarters at Nos. 21 & 23 WARREN STREET. CONTENTS. Only a Lock of Hair (poem)— “arthur Hostage. Frrenoopis ix Aurnica,—No. LXXXII. Early Lessons in Magic. Dory. ‘The Devil Holds Court in Brook: Killing No Murder. pring —poem, Pocxxnmncs. A Historical Freeze-out. Greular Leter. Pucx’s Pawrnton. He Stoops to Conquer (poem)— 8 Fraser. a " Internat’onal Amenities. ‘The Theatres. Puck to Mayor Cooper. Blood and Thunder. Puck's Excnances. History of American Literature. From 2 Pecuniary Point of View illus. ‘Morgan the Martyr. Puck's Paxtnron—V. Burnside the Beautiful KILLING NO MURDER, F it be true there are better men in the Penitentiaries than outside the barred windows of those stone-buildings, cer- tainly it is easy to say that there are worse men who have escaped the rope, than those whose necks have been stretched by the hangman. Practically, our civilization seems to hold high in air its bumper of sparkling wine, and sing— «Here's a cheer for the dead already, ‘And hurrah for the next that dies!”” We don't hang this sort of killers. We make laws to protect them, and Society lavishes upon them its choicest favors. Why, you ought to have hanged that ever-too-sweet Col. de Mashe ears ago. He married pretty little Floy Peach- biossom, and in six years she is the mother of seven children. “Fact, ma'am, I assure you, A brace of ’em were twins.” To be sure the gallant Colonel hired a Hibernian nurse for the children, but she had a vile habit of going to his iiquor case and ‘pulling corks out with her teeth: which habit caused her to fall, a promiscuous bundle of unpleasant linen and red flannel, over the hearth-rug, while the children nearly got into the parlor-grate, meanwhile. So now Floy takes care of her own children, and has never even heard Minnie Hauk in Carmen, and doesn't know the airs in Pinafore. She is ‘fading, still fading,” into the land of spirits—when Col. de Mashe will wear crape on his hat and propose to Bella Bullion within six months. “Died of neglect,” with the light of her loving life quenched by carelessness, should be her epitaph. ~But.we won't hang Col. de Mashe. Certainly not, when we have Deacon Hoggle, wholesaler, who pays 10 cents a dozen to his shirt-making girls, and when they die off, at wholesale, has them carted off his premises in the ambulances of the Charities and Correction Commissioners, “They oughtn't to come here to work,” says the Deacon, “ef they wasn’t stout enough to live on ten cents a day.” And then he fills up a check for dry-goods and jewelry which none of his family will ever wear. But the Deacon with a rope around his fat neck!! In the name of smartness and religion —never! And if that jolly good fellow who has pure Bourbon blood in him de-bars himself from his family, is it Acs fault if a little item appears in an obscure journal telling us how they starved to death? Why, he can keep a whole saloon in a roar with his fundy stories; and shall we squeeze the windpipe out of which such jolly narratives issue? Forbid it, Jo. Miller! What should we do for our nasty jokes? And if Jack Smudge, late of the prize ring, kicks his wife on the sawdust when 2996 quarter miles have robbed many thousands of minutes of healthy sleep from her tired carcass—she may die,but you wouldn’t put hemp about Jack's bull-neck. Rather, you'd be proud to be in- troduced to him, and pay for his “ go” of gin, and back him, liberally, at his next dog, or man, fight. As to the right of Signor Macripodari to get his maccaroni and red wine for and on account of the efforts of the little children who climb up trapezes and fall and kill themselves on the hard boards of the stage—why even the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children wouldn’t nang the Signor. So, gentlemen, strew your flowers over the coffins of your dead. Sing— «Here's a cheer for the dead already, And hurrah to the next one that dies!"” We live in a free country, where, oftentimes, Killing is not Murder. Otp England had her Maysy dance; the In- dians have their maizey dance. ‘Ihe English used to spring; the Indians fall. If the English maiden wearied something aled her. If the squaw tires they licker. At the dance can be seen Lo, naked. Low neck-ed girls flitted round the May pole. Lo indulges in a horn, pipe, etc. So did Joun Butt. History—in fact both stories—are full of parallels, One way of speaking. Seemingly. Lettuce top. Puckerings. Eve's dress was merely a figment. Cut, niece of the Emperor, is coming over. Tere’s many a cowslip twixt the buttercup and the tulip. Give others their due and you will not be dunned by them, “Have any of the idiots asked, ‘ What did the pipe-stem?’"—W, Y. Herald.—No, you're the first one. Ir is suggested that it would be a jolly good joke to inflict Lapland with the next female walking-match. THe manna of the giving is more than the value of the gift. That’s what the Israelites thought in the Wilderness. “Puck sacrifices physiology to punology when he speaks of a bandy-legged man as ‘a friend in-kneed.’ He is just the reverse.— Philadelphia Bulletin, —We don't want to bandy words with you, old boy, but just over- haul your dictionary. Soon the first apple of the season, with a hectic worm-flush on its verdant cheek, will insinuate itself into the confidence of the irre- pressible diminutive juvenile, and will play with his stomach as with a hand-bellows—and the fond mother, anxious to allay the intestinal strife, will castor oil upon the troubled waters. ‘Tue dear good souls who were horribly exer- cised lest Rowell should carry back to England, and the high-toned society in which he there moves, an unfavorable opinion of the corre- sponding class in this country, are most grate- fully relieved. Mr, R. has officially and most condescendingly acknowledged that he is de- lighted with the country and the currency, Bar NOTICH «a No. 9 (issue of May 7, 1877), No. 14 (issue of June 14, 1877), No. 26 (issue of Septenber 5, 1877), Nu. 53 (issue of March 13, 1878), and No, 57 (issue of April 10, 1878), of Puck will be honght at this office, 21 & 23 ‘Warren Street, at 25 cents per copy. comicbooks.com