Puck — April 9, 1879 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

74 ‘PUCK. INTERNATIONAL AMENITIES. ALLEGED AFFRONT OFFERED MINISTER WELSH. DIPLOMATIC CORRESPONDENCE. YUCK has once more distanced his con- temporaries, and is enabled to lay before the public the whole of the diplomatic correspondence which has taken place between Minister Welsh, Secretary Evarts, and Lord Beaconsfield on the all-important subject of the non-invitation of Mr, Welsh to the Duke of Connaught’s wedding breakfast. Few of our readers can form an adequate idea of our narrow escape from a sanguinary war with Great Britain, and of the very deli- cate relations which even now exist between the two countries, the slightest straining of which might precipitate a fratricidal conflict. But aelave confidence in Mr. Evarts—every confidence; and we fondly hope that his con- cise despatches may have the requisite sooth- ing effect on Lord Beaconsfield, and induce this successful statesman to forego his original determination of wiping out the insult of Mr. Evarts’s mild remonstrance with blood. ‘The following is the first of the despatches: 1 From MInisTER WELSH TO SECRETARY EVARTS, Lecation or THE Unttep States. Lonvon, March 6th, 1879. Sir:—I deem it my duty to inform you that an outrage has been perpetrated on the Star Spangled Banner, which neither my honor, nor that of the great nation I have the good for- tune to represent, can be expected to brook. You are doubtless aware that ason of Her Britannic Majesty has recently led to the Hy- meneal Altar a daughter of a German Prince. There were extensive festivities on the oc- casion, but for some reason which up to the resent time I have been unable to discover, Pras not included among the guests. I submit that this is a case calling for imme- diate explanation from the British Secretary of State for Foreign Affairs, and I await your de- cision as to my course of action herein. I enclose two short communications relating to the subject. I have the honor to be, Sir, Yours respectfully, SamueL WELSH. U.S. Envoy Extraordinary and Minister Plem- potentiary to the Court of St. James's. ENCLOSURE 1. From Samugt WetsH To Deputy SECOND Cook AND SUPPLEMENTARY FLASK-LAVER Jones, Back Kitcuen, WinpsoR CasTLe. Strictly private and confidential, Dear Sir:—Please ask the Queen, or some- body about the place, why I haven't received an invitation to the wedding, and oblige Yours very truly, © Samvet WELSH. Enclosed half-crown for yourself. 2. From Deputy Seconp Cook Jones TO THE Honorasce Samuet Wetsu, U. S. Leca- TION. Back Kitcen, Winpsor CasTLE. Dear Sir:—I had a long interview with Her Majesty’s chief bootblack on the subject of your note, and that gentleman remarked that “blest if he could make: it out at all.” We then adjourned to the “Elephant and Periwin- kle” and spent the half-crown in beer. Yours truly, Joun Jones. Deputy Second Royal Cook and Supptementary Flask. Laver. On receipt of this dispatch, the Cabinet in Washington. was hurriedly called together, which resulted in Mr. Evarts forwarding the following dispatch: From Secretary Evarts To MINISTER WELSH. DEPARTMENT OF STATE, ‘Wasuincton, D. C., March 16th, 1879. Sir:—Your dispatch, No. 1, with enclosures has received that consideration which I may venture to say without any extraordinary fear of contradiction it in common with commun- ications or dispatches of a like kindred charac- ter and perhaps here it would not be out of place to remark others that are not unlike it in their salient aspects and have a general like- ness thereto which under ordinary circum- stances cannot be denied absolutely equivalent to an admitted semblance of similiarity if not a strong family resemblance almost amounting to the reverse of a counterfeit presentment and would thereby entitle it without prejudice to any foregone. conclusion or prospective ad- vantages that might accrue from the existing aspect of affairs in the premises hereinbefore stated with all that may apply directly or indi- rectly thereto that it would not strictly speaking be derogatory to your position to officially com- municate or cause to be communicated with the British Minister of the Crown whose par- ticular province it is to take cognizance of the matters to which your dispatch presumably refers. T have, etc., Ws. M. Evarts. Mr. Welsh, having joyfully read the above, lost no time in inditing the following communi- cation to the Marquis of Salisbury, which was immediately sent by special messenger to Downing Street: Vv. U.S. Lecation, March 3oth. To THE Most Noste, THE Marquis oF SALIs- BURY, SECRETARY OF STATE FOR FOoREIGN AFFAIRS. My Lord:—I have the honor to enclose a dispatch No, 2 from Mr. Secretary Evarts in reply to a dispatch of mine, No 1, also en- closed, and to request that you will, at your early convemience, favor me with a good and sufh- cient reason for your Royal Mistress’s neglect to send me an invitation to her son's wedding. have, etc., Vv Samus WELSH, Foreicn Orrice, Downinc Srrget, March 3oth. The Marquis of Salisbury has the honor to acknowledge the receipt of Mr. Welsh’s com- munication, and as it involves questions of international law of the highest importance, he has considered it his duty to place the mat- ter in the hands of the head of the cabinet, Lord Beaconsfield, who will reply to Mr. Sec- retary Evarts’s despatch. VI. Tue Ear oF BEACONSFIELD TO SECRETARY Evarts, Sir:—Lord Salisbury has placed before me your dispatch, No. 2, as well as a variety of papers connected therewith on the subject of the United States Minister not being invited to Her Majesty's son’s wedding breakfast. Her Majesty's Government has given due consideration to the momentous question of which your dispatch forms the subject matter, and will not hesitate to explain the motives which have actuated Her Majesty's Govern- ment in dealing with the point raised. Her Majesty's Government has for a length- ened period been the recipient of information, which is herewith submitted, with respect to the general habits of the United States Minis- ter, which are not calculated to make this dis- tinguished gentleman a desirable guest at the table of Ro alty. 1, That the American Minister is passionately devoted to beefsteak-smothered-in-onions, and can never take a meal unless this dish is on the the table. 2. That the American Minister invariably sticks his napkin in his throat, and puts his knife in his mouth when eating. 3. That he is much addicted to osculatory performances on the masculine mug, and Her Majesty feared that if he had been present at breakfast he would have kissed the Lord Cham- berlain and the Gold-Stick-in-Waiting, to say nothing of the Master of the Buckhounds, 4. That he is abjectly servile and fresh, and weeps on the slightest provocation—and it is an infringement of 4 William 1V., cap. 29, for even foreign Ambassadors to drop tears into their soup at a Royal table. For the foregoing reasons it will be seen that Her Majesty’s Government could not consist- ently with its dignity advise Her Majesty to command the presence of the American Minis- ter at the wedding breakfast of His Royal High- ness the Duke of Connaught. I have the honor, etc., etc., BEACONSFIELD. THE THEATRES. ‘The Unton Square, although still Banker's Daughtering, is on the eve of producing the “Lost Children.” It is a very clever piece of work and is reported to be in Mr. Cazauran’s best style, and we all know what that is. There can be little doubt but that it will run to the end of the season. Bootu’s is now “ Little Duke”-less, but the genial, handsome Right Honorable Commo- lore, Joseph Tooker, still flourishes. We sup- pose that his manly form will soon grace the quarter-deck of the “Plymouth Rock” when the balmy breezes blow. Mrs. Oates is drawing good audiences at the Lyceum. ‘La Marjorlaine” and “La Peri- chole”’ are capital mediums for exhibiting the good qualities of this clever and conscientious artist. We are not to be without a French “ Little Duke.” Aimee will see to that and she'll give us a “Pinafore,” too, in the gallic lingo. No arrangements have yet been made for her ap- pearance in the Mulligan Guard's Ball”, The difficulties of translation from Irish to French are not easily overcome. Tue Park is engaged with “Engaged” and we even have the hardihood to say it is a most engaging piece. “Pinafore” and “Trial by Jury,” are still making large audiences happy at the Firru Avenug, and it would be gilding refined gold, painting the lily, and doing several other things of the same character, to make any remarks on the tuneful numbers of these favorite pieces. Look out for “Fatanitza,” Suppé’s charming operetta, Easter-Monday, and look in at the Theatre then—and as many evenings afterwards as ible. It ought to be, if report speaks truly, the greatest success of the kind of the season, and the conditions for its production are such as to almost ensure its being so, We await ‘‘Fatanitza” with impatience. PUCK TO MAYOR COOPER. My dear Mayor: Your policy is affording me great satisfaction —only you seem just a /eetle bit inclined to waver. Give the Police Commissioners their walking-papers without a moment's hesitation —never mind the howls of those who don’t like it. Cover yourself with glory, too, by doing your best to rid the police force of Mr. Captain Williams and his club, within the next twenty-four hours, and make New York a re- spectably governed city. Puck.