Puck — April 2, 1879 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“VWHEN LOVELY WOMAN.” eo 4 T was an outrageous old curmudgeon (celi- bate, of course) who said: ‘ You can’t argue with a woman. She won't listen to reason, and insists on the last word,”” We are so loyal to the sex that we believe the above expression of opinion to be ‘flat bur- glary,” and confidently propose to chat with the Ladies of Sorosis and other organizations who band together for the political ameliora- tion of their daughters, their grandmothers, and their sist— (you remember the quotation. It has been used before). So far as Puck can understand the case, being a mere male, the trouble is that Woman cannot vote. Any woman in America, barring Massachusetts, can get married if she wants to. We once had a game-eyed washerwomen who only unhitched one eye-lid at a time at you, and took alternate visual pecks at you, like some sort of an unholy bird. Yet she was married. And a mother. If she could get married any woman can. So can Woman dress. In the dark lexicon of the dry-goods and millinery bizzes there és such a word as “ Fail.” ‘That proves that women can dress; don't it ? So can Woman eat and drink everything which the canny caterer and Simon the Cel- larer can provide, Asmodeus, who is a familiar of Puck, recently opened some roofs over Broadway restaurants, after a matinée, and we saw then and there, that Woman could, and did, eat—and drink. But Woman can’t vote. She has no voice in the affairs of government. That is where the female No. 24 patent- leather pinches. Nevertheless it seems to us that she does much more than vote, inasmuch as she controls votes; and that her ‘‘ voice” in politics is the still small voice which is ofttimes more power- ful than loud mouthings and rantings. Sweet Sorosis, Sister Seusan, and ladies of the cause, would you please turn your fine eyes on Africa—pardon!—on Washington! If it is a “good day for Senators” you can see that your sisters are not without their influence in mould- ing legislation. While they attach the bouton- niére to the Senator's coat, their gentle lips seek promises about “that little bill.” Committee- room doors are besieged by the sisters of the Lobby, and the Senators have to run amuck and only escape into the half-and-half seclu- sion which a Committee-room grants after many wounds in the way of promises about “those little bills.’” It would be funny to see how A. B. (we will call him), after many years’ attendance in Con- gress, and much expenditure at various hos- telries in green seal and canvas-backs, finds that his “little bill” fails, at the last moment, to get tacked on to the big Appropriation Bill; and then takes a hint from his friend, C. D. C. D. goes at once to a business blonde, who hath a canoodling way about her which is irre- sistible to Senators, and a special bill is passed, early in the session, to “relieve” C.D., where- upon the business blonde caracoles down the Avenue on her newly-purchased_high-stepping thoroughbred Cash, by Senator, out of Trea- sury. Doesn't that show how women can influence our legislation ?—especially the financial part of it? If not, perhaps it will be well to show how lovely woman strikes for higher game than even Senators. Who are competent witnesses ? Call Mme. Catacazy! Call Mrs. General Belknap! But no! It is the present we have to deal with. If, however, some of our grave and reverend Senators could only afford to take their wives to Washington, perhaps the influence PUCK. of the female Lobby would be less; so also would fade away their seal-skin sacques, and their natty Avenue equipages; and clerks in the Treasury would not be sent there as to a “cover,” but would be required to work. Mr. Lawyer Riddle recently stated that he had just settled a “case” against a Senator; had another “case” on hand of a married woman against another Senator, and had his hands, generally, so full, that he couldn’t possibly take another case against another Senator. Now, in the interest of solid, hard-pan mor- ality, we call for the presence of the Wife in Washington. If the Senator can’t afford to keep her there, increase his mileage and his pickings. It will, in the long run, be cheaper for the country. And much more decent. But what will Sorosis, and Sister Seusan and the rest say, if Woman is thus forced to pull her hand out of our national politics ? We tremble while we await the answer, BUSINESS TROUBLES. ee LN the matter of the failure of Purcell Bros., Bl Cincinnati bankers and gospelists, the senior partner, for many years one of the best known men in the community in the Arch- bishop trade, has issued a circular to the credi- tors of the firm asking their indulgence. Mr. Purcell, senior, does not make any defi- nite offer of so many cents on the dollar, as is generally customary in little matters of this kind; but relies on the contributions of the customers of other firms in the samc line of business to make up the trifling deficit of a million dollars or so, more or less—perhaps more than less, This seems a rather novel, and at first sight unmercantile proceeding, and strikes out anew departure in insolvency and bankruptcy mat- ters which ought to be thoroughly discussed by the Chamber of Commerce before being generally adopted by the commercial world. When Jay Cooke and Duncan, Sherman & Co. failed, such a practice was unknown, or the ex- ceedingly shrewd gentlemen who ran these con- cerns would surely have called upon the con- stituents of other banking houses; such as Drexel, Morgan & Co., and Brown Brothers to help them out of their difficulties, which, ot course, arose through no fault of their own. Who knows but that by these means they might have got well on their legs again ? We congratulate the old established ex-firm of Purcell Bros.on their brilliant idea, and trust that it may meet with favorable consideration from their creditors. It is pretty rough for a man who has been engaged in one kind of business for some fifty years to have to “ bust up”—but times are bad and the gospel interest, in common with others, suffers. Mr. Purcell, senior, is not strong on gram- mar, even for a man of business, or he wouldn’t say “food and raiment was all I received” — and although he confesses to have been born of poor parents, we should have thougnt that the head of so large a firm would at least have been taught to sign his name: for Mr. Purcell, senior, concludes the circular thus: “For this universal sympathy, unexpected and unmerited, I give all that I have, his J. B. + Purcett. mark. Notwithstanding, we shall be glad to hear that Messrs. Purcell Bros. have come to a satis- factory arrangement with their creditors, so as to be enabled to start their drummers out with new lines of goods for the fall trade, that they may secure a fair share of orders. > 51 LOOSE! a — 2]7/G0! now, hearken, all men living; take SUC) heed, and be mightily afraid. G=" For the days are come round again when the Tramp is let loose upon the land, like unto a peripatetic pestilence and a plague that bummeth at noonday. Huge is he of stature and strong; yea, strengthy like the Giant Goliath of Gath, or a New Jersey pole-cat. Lively are the manners of him; even as those of a spotted Jehosophat; and vast is his cheek, so that no man knoweth the extent thereof. At hisapproach the prudent housewife gather- eth her children together, even as a hen gather- eth her chickens under her wing. And further- more she calleth for the hired man, Wherein she hath the inside track on the hen. But the hen crawleth under the barn, And in view of the fact that the hired man hath re- tired to the woods, and heareth not the demand for his services, that is where the hen hath the call on the prudent housewife, And the necessity for a vigilance committee loometh up in the immediate future. Yea, a great institution is the Tramp. Who shall oppose him in the retired and shady lane; and who shall compete with him in the hen- roost ? When he cometh, the regular and habitual nigger retireth from the field, and recognizeth the presence of a superior; yea, the Ethiopian pastor docketh himself of his shanghai soup, and leaveth the chicken-ccop virgin to the pro- fessional wayfarer. At his approach the book-agent and the lightning-rod man depart, as a disciple before the presence of his master, or as the lesser an- gels of heaven before the boss-angel Gabriel. For he ravageth the land, and giveth points to the yellow fever, He toils not; neither doth he spin; and yet I say unto you, Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. He was not. For Solomon in all his glory was a Sheeny, yet he took it upon himself to wash him from time to time. But this thing doth not the tramp; lest he be mistaken for a greenback politician in disguise. He is like unto Samson in this, that he shear- eth not his locks, lest he lose the strength that is in him. Yet is he unlike Samson in this, that he hath no Delilah; but gratifieth the yearnings of his heart casually and with a club, And now these many years kath the Tramp been as a curse and a woe unto the nation; and he hath levied tribute upon the people, and we have given him of our chickens, and our eggs, and our daughters and our wives; and some of him we have sent to Congress; and yet he is not happy. But now bloometh out like a star on the hori- zon the aforementioned vigilance society, and resolveth itself into a committee of the whole, with power to investigate, and layeth aside a sinking fund for ammunition, and maketh an appropriation for hemp, and taketh cognizaace of the existence of the Tramp. ITALY FOR VICTORIA. Queen Victoria has taken a trip to Italy. ‘The old lady has, we hear, patronized Cook's tourist tickets and hotel coupons—cheap, yer know. Now if she and her royal offspring would but settle there for the term of their na- tural lives, to enjoy the dole far niente, and leave the British empire severely alone, the whole Brunswick tribe would find an occupa- tion eminently worthy of their talents, and be about as ornamental and useful as they are when at home. comicbooks.com