Puck — March 26, 1879 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

cease SMILEY’S INVESTMENT. INING stocks were bounding up by ‘ double figures. ‘“ Sierra Nevada" rose as rapidly as the inercury in a thermo- meter with a small boy and a lighted match at the bulb end, and kindred stock shared the al- most universal appreciation, The daily papers teemed with tantalizing re- ts of fabulous fortunes, made in an hour. Faro ‘was double-discounted. The poor men of yesterday were using gold toothpicks to-day, and millionaires were growing as plentiful as lumps of veal in a restaurant chicken-salad. A second Aladdin's lamp had been unearthed. You could put your money down on a small margin, and go quietly to bed with the absolute —well, almost absolute—certainty of a very material increase in value over night. And the spirit moved Mr. Smiley, Now Smiley was naturally a very conserva- tive man, and it was a pet theory of his, elo- quently propounded on all possible occasions, that no merchant had any right to speculate, or to divert any part of his capital from the legitimate extension of his own business. He hesitated—you know the aphorism. The struggle between a man’s cypidity and his phi- losophy is always uneven; fresh impulses are always stronger than old prejudices, and self- persuasion considerably easier than self-restraint, Mr. Smiley succumbed to the general craze. He had five hundred dollars in bank, which he could spare fora time. ‘True, there was a note coming due in about a week, but he ar- gued that he could easily have that renewed for thirty days more, and then pay it out of the first dividend. ‘True, also, there was a big job lot of domestics, to be had for cash at a tre- mendous sacrifice, which he had been bargain- ing for, and on which there was a certainty of a very handsome profit. “A mere 25 or 30 per .cent.,” said Smiley; “what is'that to a man who holds an inde- endent fortune in his grasp?” Then, smooth- ing his silk hat on'the sleeve of his coat, and drawing his pocket-comb through his mous- tache, he sauntered down to “ the street.” Almost in front of the Exchange, he ran plump into his particular friend, Sharpe. Sharpe was a broker, who held that the mani- pulation of stocks was a business that required, to the very uttermost degree, a clear, cool head, and that the close, overheated atmosphere of an office was calculated to befuddle, blunt the perception, and deaden the active princi- ples. Therefore he transacted all his opera- tions on the pavement. “Ah, Smiley, my boy, how d’ye ‘do? Fine day, ch? You're looking as large as life. And Mrs. S.? Indeed?’ Children all well? ‘That's ood." “T had five hundred I didn’t particularly need, so I thought—"" “Oh, precisely! Come down to take a flyer, ch? Customers of mine making fortunes every We'll fix you.” “If.1 could get.aé vadas,’ or—"" = “Nonsense, old fellow, ‘Sierra’ 's played out. There’s no more moneyinthat. ‘Opaque’ ’sthe thing. I’ve got every dollar I own in- vested in ‘Opaque.’ It’s bound to rise. I know the president and the treasurer, intimately. They say so themselves. Buy 100 at 10, Put up your soo as margin, and any time within 60 days you can have your shares, by paying the other soo, and have all the advantages of dividends and rise meanwhile.” That took Smiley—took him in, The idea of owning 100 shares of stock! His wildest dreams had never compassed more than half-a- dozen. P He handed over his check, and received his contract on the spot. ciple *of «Sierra Ne- Mrs, Smiley and the children could not but notice that he was particularly cheerful that evening, for he said never a word when he found a brass sleeve-button in the soup, but merely laid it by the side of his plate, and fished through the liquid with his fork for the mate of it. Mrs. S., who is a woman of keen perception, made up her mind, as she afterwards confiden- tially acknowledged to Smiley, that one of his friends must have failed, and assigned to him, Nothing short of that, she imagined, could ac- count for such uncommon serenity, Smiley did not pay much attention to busi- ness the next day. He bought all-the morning papers, and waded through the financial arti- cles. “Opaque” was not quoted. “So much the better,” he argued. ‘That shows the stock ’s not for sale in the open market, It's held by a privileged clique,” and, smiling com- placently, he clapped hisopen hand on his right leg, and lavished on it that peculiar soft fondling indicative of complete self-satisfac- tion.‘ Fine fellow, that Sharpe. Now that’s what I call true friendship.” ‘A week passed by. His business quite neg- lected—his note went to protest! He had forgotten all about it. A rude awakening from his day-dreams; he was completely dazed. In twenty years of mercantile life, he had always kept an unblem- ished name, His engagements had always been promptly met, and his paper had never before been dishonored, It was a fearful blow to him. He sank into a heap in his chair, his chin drooped upon his breast. One arm hung heav- ily down, the other resting on the desk by his side, while his hand mechanically toyed with the unopened letters that had come in the same mail with the notice of protest. He opened one and glanced listlessly at it, then sat bolt upright in his chair and ran his eager eyes over the printed lines. His eyes sparkled and his rigid jaws relaxed. The “ Opaque” Gold and Silver Mining Company had declared a dividend of two per cent., payable in sixty days! His nervous fingers clutched the paper as he read it again and again, laughing hysteri- cally the while; then, holding it at arm’s-length in front of him, he rushed frantically around the room at the rate of 1,000 quarter miles in 1,000 quarter minutes, once, twice, three times, then bolted out of the door, and around the corner to his friend Jimson, with whom he was accustomed occasionally to exchange accom- modation. He explained the situation briefly, and showed the letter to Jimson, who smile: grimly and said nothing, but wrote out ‘the check, . “Tshan’t forget you, old friend,” said” Smi ley, shaking the other’s hand warmly, “Ishan’t be the least bit proud—not I.” The note was paid, and Smiley was in an im- proved heaven. His thoughts were above sell- ing dry-goods, and his business, left to go of itself, soon clogged and ran down. Smiley spent his days roaming through the city, post- ing himself on the value of real estate, and noting available bargains, He set his mind upon a half-block of unimproved property near the Park, and busied himself with original and decidedly novel designs for dwelling-houses he purposed erecting thereon. He spent hours contemplating the show-windows of Fifth Ave- nue talon but couldn’t decide which would suit him best, a pattern that afforded only two checks between the three garments, or a rig out of pure white flannel. He went down to the Ledger office, and, inquiring for Mr. Bon- ner personally, wanted to know if perhaps he had a team of roadsters with a first-class record that he wanted tosell. He commenced nego- tiations for an elegant sarcophagus, weighing seventeen tons, and fitted with dynamite at- tachments, remarking, “Crime is contagious, and nobody knows what might happen; we rich men must take precautions in time.” Meanwhile poor Mrs. S. found her meagre weekly allowance considerably abbreviated, and when she asked the reason, her husband mysteriously said: ‘Patience, my dear, and you shall see. You shall ride in your own car- riage yet, and wear silks and satins, and’a real seal-skin sacque.”” This time Mrs. Smiley concluded that, with- out a doubt, it was her husband, himself, who was going to fail. She had confidence in her weaker half, and so she waited patiently, and lived cn hash and liver and high anticipations, while the poor children were restricted to buttering their bread on one side—when there was any butter on the table. Three weeks from the date of the first letter, there came a notice of another dividend, this time of one per cent., payable in ninety days, Smiley could not believe his eyes, He was as completely beside himself as if he had been the Siamese twins. He hurried right off to Tiffany's and asked to see the handsomest pair of diamond ear- rings they had, A rising young. plumber had just been in to purchase a few trinkets for his girl, as the salesman apologetically explained, and had cleaned out all the largerstones. They had nothing better than a pair of 7% carats, but expected some larger ones in a few days. “You'll let me know when you have some- thing half-way respectable,” said Smiley, toss- ing his card down, and walking stifly away. “By George,” he muttered, ‘if this keeps . on, I may be Alderman yet.” By this time he was prepared for any extra- vagance of good fortune, and when, a few days later, he received from his broker a note requesting him to meet him in the ante-room of the Stock Exchange, he was not at all un- nerved, Probably some one had offered to purchase his hundred shares at par, Or per- haps the miners had struck a rich new vein, and a dividend so enormous had been declared, that Sharpe feared he might die of heart-disease if he heard it too suddenly. He was comparatively calm, and tried very hard to preserve a dignified indifference, but when he saw Sharpe—Sharpe, the good angel to whom he owed all this—he could not restrain himself, and he rushed to embrace him with outstretched arms, But Sharpe wasn’t affectionate; he waved him off and handed him4 letter, “Tell me, how much is it? 1 can stand it.” “Read that, Smiley, read that,” and he wrinkled his forehead, blinked his eyes, and screwed up his mouth in the approved panto- mimic expression of sympathy. And Smiley read with blanched face: . Office of the Opaque Gold and Silver Mining Co., 222 New St., New York City. Dear Sir—Enclosed you will find our note at six months for one hundred and twelve 50-100 dollars ($112.50), being dividend of 136 per centum On one hundred shares capital stock of thie O. G. & S. M. Co., Nos. 11212— 11311 inclusive. The lease of the mine having expired, the company is compelled to go into liquidation, and this dividend represents the proceeds of the sale of the machinery, out-build- ings, and total available assets, The oxtstanding liabilities, now in process of adjustment, will necessitate an assessment of about 5 per cent., and you will hold yourself ready to honor our sight draft to thatamount. Yours, &c., URIAH SKINNER, President PD. EDWARD BETTE, Secretary. Maurice W, BENJAMIN. comicbooks.com