Puck — March 19, 1879 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. the jovial Abbé Pollet, the domestic chaplain of the Cardinal-Archbishop of Lyons, and pur- veyor and superintendent-general of his emi- nence’s kitchen and cellar, had induced Pey- rade to dispose to these gentlemen of the en- tire remainder of the stock, including even the yellow and red seals, and accordingly also my own promised five dozen, for which five hun- dred francs were handed to me by the delighted Peyrade, who soon after also kept his promise of giving me a free trip to Marseilles. Charles had’ a magnificent diamond breastpin presented to him by his grateful employer. So you see this vinous tricolor turned out ood thing for me also. Zempi Pessati— ul a Ei TO KITTY, BY R. K. M, Ah! blue-eyed little Kitty, You are amiable and witty, Are you not? You are like a flower newly Burst, and fairer than I truly Don't know what. You're as graceful as a lily In a garden warm and stilly, I confess; And your lips are sweet as sherry, And you're very, very, very Fond of dress. My heart, when we're together, Yes, it’s lighter than the feather On your hat. By the skies so blue above you, Now I fancy that I love you— How is that? You're imperious and cruel, Yet, withal a tender jewel, Cousin Kate. Now prithee, cease that sighing, I'm your oyster if you're dying For a mate. —W. Y. Star, GENERAL GranT will doubtless be in time to wfeet Colonel Mosby at Hong Kong and take téawith him. U.S, G. says he does not care whether India breaks the Juggernaut, be- cause he carries a jug of hisown., Chia Lau Pin thinks that the Chinese poet laureate will welcome the illustrious American somewhat thus: Soundee gongee, shootee crackee, Welcome Grant into Chinee; Give him whiskee and tobackee, Tea and ricee Grant no dinee. Biggee chieffee, horsee boundee, Heugag beetee, gongee soundee. Callee Mosbee drinkee, smokee, Melican man he almost chokee; Grantee’s’stumpee Mosbee smokee, Blackee bootee, hokee pokee. Mosbee drunkee, muchee huggec, Biggee soldier, big humbuggee. — Washington Capitol, Jonau was the first man to go a fish in.—O#- tawa Republican, Catirornia wants to go off and flock all by herself.— Derrick. Dip you ever hear a carpenter plane the piano ?—Graphic. A VICE-PRECEDENT—that returning board business.— Yonkers Gazette, Dip a donkey ever die of softening of the brayin’?—Boston Transcript. Tue Zulus drink absinthe. Absinthe con- quers love—of Englishmen, we take it. —Chi- cago Tribune, Can it be said that a man who is very much intoxicated is dejected, because he is more'n full?—Rome Sentinel. Wuat does a catamount to anyway ?—Jos- ton Transcript. The back fence on moonlight nights.—Syracuse Standard, Wonper if Bergh will have the horse that kicked his son arrested for cruelty to animals? —Philadelphia Kronikle-Herald. Let a bill be offered prohibiting more than fifteen Italians with hand-organs coming over at one time.— Wheeling Leader, ‘Tue man who says it don’t hurt to have a tooth filled is meaner than four liars and a horse-thief.— Detroit Free Press. ‘Tue animal that resembles fruit is the gray- ape.—Whitehall Times. [An old joke] So does the black bear-ry.—Adbany Argus. Tue Grant movement in 1880 will partake something very much of the ceremony usually observed at a burying.— Wheeling Leader, A Man who is disgusted with amateur thea- tricals speaks of them as ‘‘d—amateur per- formances.” The wretch?—Cincinnati Sat. Night. No, READER. It was not Henry Clay who said he’d rather be tight than President. It was Zach, Chandler.— Philadelphia Kronikle- Herald, Wuen a man puts on his knap-sack he gen- erally bids adieu to sleep; when a woman puts on her nap sack she bids adieu to everything else.— Yonkers Gazette. A Horse sHOE is reckoned to be a lucky wedding present—except when it is presented to the groom with an animated mule’s-leg at- tachment. -S. #. Wasp. CatiFornia’s fruitless attempt at secession would doubtless result in returning Dennis Kearney to the United States Senate as a Rebel Brigadier.— Toledo Blade. THE New York Hera/d asks, ‘Is Christianity a failure?” Just because the era/d editor has not succeeded very well with it, he should nof discourage others.— Boston Post, Man can do many things, but there is one thing he can’t do; he can’t button on a new collar, just after cutting his thumb-nails, with out looking up in the air.—™. ¥. Star. Kearney is said to give evidence of a deter- mination never to patronize the laundry busi- ness s> long as the Chinese are in it, and that will be forever.— Chicago Ev. Journal, “ Women, like newspaper foremen, are some- times troubled about making up their forms.” — Waterloo Observer. Particularly if there isa scarcity of live matter.— Osawa’ Republican, An exchange asks: ‘‘ What is nicer to hold than a pretty woman's hand?” A pretty wo- man. If that is not the answer we give it up. ‘That suits us well enough.—Sti/twater Lumber- man. ‘Tue New York Baptist ministers are still dis- cussing the question of the salvation of infants. The popular belief is that infants will be saved unless they grow up and become ministers.— Chicago Tribune. A Geran physician argues, in a learned article in the Pad? Mall Gazette, that people should not wear clothes. This will never find favor with the ladies—they think too much of dress.—W. ¥. Star, Ir is positively stated that the world will come to anend in 1880. There's no telling what will happen now-a-days; the world may strike up a race with Jupiter of 2,700 quarter miles.—Rochester Express. WHEN a man commits a crime, it is usual to say that he belongs to one of the best families, If the same man runs for office, it will be found on the opposite stump that he belongs to one of the worst families— WV. O, Picayune. Ir you think no one cares for you in this cold world, just tell your neighbors that you proposesto keep hens, You will be surprised to see what an immediate interest they will manifest in you,—Stidhwater Lumberman. Ir Adam had been created a boy instead of a full-grown man, he would have clubbed all the apples off from that tree, before the ser- pent had a chance to get through the fence around the garden.— Stillwater Lnmberman, A letter is now lying in the Chieago post- office, addressed ‘‘To any True Christian in Chicago, and none other.” The writer is very stupid. He ought to know that we left Chi- cago some six months ago.— Buffalo Express. Wuen a singer comes in and leaves us a poem wherein weather is made to rhyme with until her, and love with stove, we cannot help feeling as though we knew where there was one poet not born, but made.— Bridgeport Standard, ‘Tuy say that Boyton is in very good health during his floating trip. He doesn’t believe in homeopathic doses of hydropathy. He takes in the whole length of the river, and that is allopathy ought to have.—New Haven Re- gister. : Ou! but didn’t the Mayor of Bombay get mad when Grant visited that place. You see, the Mayor was making a speech in Hindustanee, and Grant got tired of it, and yelled from the other end of the table, “ Whit d’yer soy ?”— Derrick. Moruer Eve was always a good little girl at school. She never went out without leaf. Puck. But Adam didn’t care a fig.—J. H. Register, Because Eve made a bow before leaving.—N. Y. Express, She should have made a leaf before bough-ing.— Meriden Re- corder, His smile was bland, and his air mysterious, as he took the livery-man aside and asked for a kicking horse. He has just passed down the street in that wagon alone with his mother-in- law. We shall at once notify the coroner to be in readiness. Full particulars of the sad event in our next edition.— Court Fournal, Governor VAN ZanpT, it is said, will be General Burnside’s successor in the United States Senate from “ Little Rhody.” We did not expect ever to do it again; but it seems proper to recognize the sympathy that exists between General Burnside and his sisters and his cousins and his Zandts.— Phila, Bulletin. ‘Tue mere pulling on of gloves is the only dressing which is at all excusable in the street. A man, for instance, should never stop to but- ton an obstinate collar which has loosened at the back of his neck. It might corrupt the morals of all the society within hearing of his remarks on the subject.— Chicago Ev. Journal. Suaxspere is likely to be reinstated in public favor. Mrs. Abby Sage Richardson has been lecturing on him out in Detroit, and she im- plored her hearers “not to underrate the great genius because he had borrowed from the minds of others.” We join our feeble voice to Abby's, and beg them not to. It would make him feel so mean, you know.— Phila. Bulletin, comicbooks.com