Puck — March 12, 1879 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. No, 13 Nona WitusaM Srazet, New York. VOR SALE BY ALL NEWS DEALERS. TJzraus To Susscrisers. ‘ . 45.00 se ary OS. KEPPLER. |WARZMANN. H. C, BUNNER: SPECIAL NOTICES. Lor e News Agency of Messrs. Ce ‘Strand, Chanog Cross, and estS°WEWS COMPANY, 7 in Paris on file at the “Herald” verle Street, Fleet Street, Office, 49 Avenue de I’Ope: ‘We cannot undertake to return rected communications, and tothis rule we can make norexception, Remittances adttsed to Krrnum & ‘8B Onir advertising friends are only required to pay bills presented on the billheads of Pucx, with our stamp traussxD thereon. KEPPLER & SCHWARZMANN. SPECIALEST NOTICE. NO} MORE “PINAFORE” LITERATURE WANTED IN ‘THIS OFFICE. THIS 1S FINAL, Money Order, etc., are to be SCHWARZMANN. : ,COnNTENTS. The s7throf | Maseh—ill, A Mystery (oem)—T-A Harrah La Grande Princesse de Canada. Life Ingurance Bubbles. Frranooptr in Awarica.—No. ‘We will have it. LXXIX. 1e Rol Fine Specimen of Roach— illus, ‘The Silly Congressional Ostrich, Roscoe to the Rescue. ‘wo and Two are Six (poem}—| Earl E. Light. poem, Puck's Pantheon—Senator Me- the Genus ery. Ishe Insane? Awswans ror THe Axxious. x's Reviews. The Theatres Red, Yellow, and Green. Pucx’s History op Orertanp.! Puck’s EXcHances, OUR FIFTH VOLUME, Tuts is Puck's fifth volume—which is equivo- lent to his second birthday. Thank you, yes, he finds himself quite well, couldn’t be a healthier infantjif he was triplets. Puck was originally born in spring—just ahead of the violets, He partakes of their modest and shrinking nature, which prevents his making certain remarks about himself, that his Esteemed Contemporaries have generally been kind enough to make for him. Therefore he will not seize this occasion to say that he is the brightest, cleverest, wittiest and wisest comic journal that ever appeared. Truth, of course, can not be too carefully im- pressed upon the popular mind. But what would be the object of reprinting the axioms of Euclid? Therefore he will content himself with lay- ing his hand on his cardiac apparatus, and thank his friends and allies of the press and public for their increasing kindness; with the remark that he is ready for a continuation of the same, and that whenever it comes, it will find him bright and blooming and, best of all, PERMANENT. CANADA TOO. As we go to press we learn that our friend, the Postmaster-General of Canada, has taken active measures to stop the circulation of Puck PUCK. General of Canada is an energetic young man, who is bound to rise in the world, if it is only on some other man’s boot-toe. He has issued a circular to newsdealers who also hold a stamp license, to the effect that the said license will be revoked if they keep this abandoned journal on sale, It is scarcely necessary to describe the effect of this news on our sensitive organization. We are at present undecided whether to give up publication or to go into permanent mourn- ing as a religious weekly. Possibly we won't do either, Of course, this brilliant idea is not original with the Postmaster-General of Canada. Prince Bismarck had it before him. So did Marshal MacMahon, Both had it rather severely. The only perceptible result is, that Mr. MacMahon is out of office, and Prince Bismarck has the gout. But the P. M. G. of Canada is not even ori- inal after Bismarck and the husband of Mme. la Maréchale MacMahon. As our highly independent and courageous contemporaries in Canada put it: “Tt is whispered that this order is the result of a hint from a personage of the very highest official standing, in fact, no less a person, it is boldly affirmed, than the M——s of L——e, who considers himself personally affronted by the cruel and unfeeling attacks of the journal in question.” Not being bound by the obligations which bind the Canada journals down to reverent blanks and dashes when they deal with royalty, nor blinded by that fierce light which beats upon a deputy second-class throne, we feel ourselves at liberty to announce that the instigator of. this crushing attack on the liberties of the press is a youth by the name of Lorne, alias Argyll, the son of a gentleman hight MacCallum More —a Highland gentleman who eats haggis, and wears breeks only on Sundays, and bathes once a year at Portobello. The youthful Lorne is employed in some equivocal capacity in the Canada court, where he leads the Scotch reels in his native costume, which, like his manners, is airy. Mr, Lorne, apparently, does not like Puck. THE 17TH OF MARCH. HE OWNS THE TOWN. in that enterprising colony. The Postmaster- | \ comicbooks.com Packerings. A spreapinc evil—A ring worm, Ricu men are never confidential, Basy MinE—A foundling hospital. ‘TuerE is no stint of nose tints at a Tam- many primary. Jack Hawsek went to the masquerade as tar of the evening. Epitaru.— De mortuis nie nisi bonum— but he was a poet.” ,, WHEN a man buys a house and moves into it, he leaves the pay-rental roof. A Concressionat Investigating Committee, like Hamlet's father, comes in a questionable shape. . Listen, everybody! Let out a reef or two! The Danbury News has discovered a pun on the word “digest.” . : Tue Canadian Talmage is named Keefer— the Reverend B. B. Keefer, and his agony is “round-dancing.”” Wuar did Jo gnaw in the whale's—that is to say—stomach, seemingly? Was he the first Minister to the Interior? A Locat paper heads a column of personals “Men and Things —which is certainly not a very gallant way of referring to the other sex, ‘Tue Pauper Millionaire detests Puck. But that’s not to be wondered at. These railroad men always did abominate a ‘‘red-hot journal.” Puck is the favorite two-year old in the journalistic race. [This is inserted simply to anticipate several thousand complimentary friends.] Ar the Faynian ball, when Misther Murphy’s right to the head of the cothillion organized by Dinnis O'Rourke was questioned, he immajetly got up a set-to. Accients will happen, Even George Al- fred Townsend occasionally tells the truth, un- intentionally—and blushes deeply when he discovers his mistake. Aw exchange tells of a girl out west who broke off the engagement because the fellow was so bandy-legged that she couldn’t sit in his lap. She acted too hastily. She should have remembered that a friend in-kneed is a friend indeed. . ‘Tus is the week when the languid lady who finds the Sunday morning promenade to church, two blocks away, excessively fatiguing, takes in on an average ten ‘Spring Openings” every day, ascends and descends probably three miles of stair-case, and walks around several thousand counters and show-cases, without ex- hausting herself in the least. iIvotice. No. g (issue of May 7th, 1877), No. 14 (issue of Fune th, 1877), No. 26 (issue of September sth, 1877), No. 56 (issue of April 3rd 1878), and No. 57 (issue of April oth, 1878) of * Puck” will be bought at this office, No. 13 North! William Street, at 25 Cents) per copy.