Puck — March 5, 1879 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

aia Dare i PUCK. sae TRIOLET. Pretty Ophelia King Isa fairy who plays the fiddle. My fondest thoughts oft wing To pretty Ophelia King; But give me the gay dar-ling Who plays on the buckwheat griddle. Pretty Ophelia King Isa fairy who playeth the fiddle. N.Y. News. A STARTLING PHENOMENON. ANEW ARGUM! TIN FAVOR OF THE THEORY OF NA. TURAL SELECTION, Among the passengers on the Lake Shore train this morning was a scientific old gentle- man who said he owned a farm on the shores of Lake Pepin, the head waters of the Missis- sippi, in Minnesota. ‘Ihe old gentleman said he was going through to New York with seve- ral alligators caught in that lake. Knowing that Lake Pepin in Minnesota, covered as it is with ice for seven months in the year, was ra- ther a cold latitude for alligators, our reporter was curious to know more of the strange phe- nomenon. The old gentleman went on to ex- plain that the alligators were quite common in the lake, and that the inhabitants usually caught them through holes in the ice with hooks baited with young kittens. “Then you haveseen a good many of them?” inquired our reporter. “Oh, yes, thousands of them, large ones now in the frieght car.” “ What prevents them from freezing in that cold latitude ?” asked our reporter. “Oh, they are covered with thick fur like seals, ‘They are winter alligators and only make their appearance in very cold weathe:.” “ Winter alligators, you say ?” “Yes, winter alligators, It is thought by Minnesota naturalists that these alligators lodged in Lake Pepin during the warm period of the world’s history, when the mammoth and ithosticus lived in Montana—and that as the seasons grew colder nature provided them with fur, The alligator is a tough animal, and the fact that he should live in northern waters when less hardy ithosticus and mammalia became extinct, is good proof of Darwin’s theory of the ‘survival of the fittest.’ Nature, you see, provides for any emergency. ‘Thus when the seasons changed from the muscatory or testal period into the glacial period, the fur on the alligator took the place of scales. Would you Ike to look at the ten fur-clad alligators I have in the freight car?” Our reporter said he would. As he walked along up the track towards a row of box cars he asked the scientific old gentleman to please give him his name. “My name,” said the old man, “is Eli Per——" ‘The funeral of our reporter will take place to-morrow at three P.M. No flowers.—Cicve- land Plaindealer, I have nine “'Wuat sort of a pain proceeds from the hat-rack?” asks Puck. Why, a sub-tile pain, to be sure.—Pitla, Kronikle-Herald, Sham pain, of course.—Boston Post. “Waar does your husband do?” asked the census man, ‘He ain’t doin’ nothing at this time of the year,” replied the young wife. ‘Is he a pauper?” ‘asked the census ‘man. She blushed scarlet to the ears, ‘Law, no!” she exclaimed, somewhat indignantly. ‘ We ain’t been married more'n six weeks.” Then the census man threw down his book and rushed out into the depths of the gloomy forest, and caught hold of a white oak tree three feet through to hold himself up by.—Hawseye, WE cannot understand why a dentist persists in asking questions of a patient whose mouth is filled with a napkin, a sheet of rubber, seve- ral clamps, three fingers and that horrible in- strument of torture, the revolving drill.—Hack- ensack Republican, A woman cured her husband of staying out late at night by going to the door when he came home and whispering through the key- hole, ‘Is that you, Willie?” Her husband’s name is John, and he stays at home every night now, and sleeps with one eye open and a re- volver under his pillow.—Syracuse Standard, Puck has commenced a series of portraits of prominent Americans under the title of “ Puck's PANTH! * Instead of beginning the series “No 1,” it commences at cipher— by giving a portrait of S.J. Tilden, To begin at zero and go up is perhaps the wisest plan. — Norristown Herald, “ Wuere do you expect to go when you die, young man?” said a minister sternly to an un- godly scoffer, ‘I expect,” was the reply, “to the grave, but the chances are that ti pull up in some blamed medical college or other.” The preacher retired to write a sermon on the flip- pancy of the times.— Zol/edo Commercial. Puck wants to know “ what will be done with a Chinese baby born on board ship, if the full complement of fifteen is already on the list.” Here is certainly an impostant question. The captain of a Pacific steamer must needs be a man that can forecast the future with as much accuracy as he takes his nautical observa- tions.— Mew Haven Register. A GENTLEMAN in Rochester having had a very bad headache for some time, paid atten- tion to finding out the cause, and the following having been evolved, he feels much better: “What is the difference between the Gra- mercy Park recluse and the Californian agi- tator?” ‘Tilden said: “The shy nephew must go, while ‘Dennis’ shouts that it is the (shy niece) Chin.se must go."”—Rochester xpress. Sreaxinc of Grant's recent visit to Dublin, a London letter to the New York Zribune says: “The rooms where once sat the Irish House of Lords and the Irish House of Commons were visited, but the General preserved the same icy indifference, He looked on them as if he had never heard of an Irish House of Commons.” And you may bet the last of your Confederate currency that he never had.—Lowisville Courier- Journal. A MAN was arrested in Philadelphia a few days ago for stealing ten baskets, It is strongly suspected that he is an editor, and was simply laying in a stock of baskets for the reception of rejected “beautiful spring” poetry. He had better .printed ten thousand poems on spring than to have stolen ten baskets, but you can’t make his subscribers see it in a similar light. They would much rather that he would stéal ten thousand baskets than to print ten “spring” poems.—Norr. Herald. One of those heartless iconoclasts who want to overturn existing organizations, and reduce us to the condition of the Dutch and of the Venetians, ruthlessly strikes out at a cherished British institution. He wi Scene—Hotel Cluny. Dramatis Persone—A party of Cook's tourists, or to use the American, ‘“ Cookies,” personally conducted. : “This is the bath of Julian the Apostate.” Male Cookie: “Who was Julian?” Feminine Cookie (in beef-eater hat and ulster, disgusted at his igno- rance): “ Don’t you know?—we had some of his soup at dinner yesterday; he invented it.” M.C.: “Oh, I know Julian, we used to go long ago to his concerts at Covent Garden.” Guide collapses, and calls up the next witness, —London Thrift. THE paragrammatic mantle of Counsel George Catlin has evidently fallen on “Wade Whipple” of the Yonkers Gazetle, Hear him: The tramp who entered pur sanctum the other day and said he was a live lord, became a lie floored, indeed, before he left.— 4. Y. News. _ Wuar shall the “Painting of the Future” be? is the all-engrossing question now-a-days. We are not at all particular as long as she doesn’t rest her cheek on our shoulder. We don’t want our best coat all dusted with “lily-white.” —New Haven Register. _THe popular conundrum, ‘What are the wild waves saying?” is shorn of its terrors. Last night, in a moment of inspiration, it oc- curred to us that they are merely discussing the current topics.— Boston Fost. Wuen a Philadelphia woman found that some one had stolen her wash-tub, it took half an hour to convince her that Robeson hadn't - sold it for an old gunboat.—Fiila. Kronikle- Herald. “SMILE when you can,” is the advice of a poet; and when you can smile at anybody else's expense, be sure to do it.—New Haven Regis- ter, CAN CATARRH BE CURED? We say it can, even the worst cases. Testimonials by the hundreds prove it has been Gone by the use of POND'S EX TRACTS "The valve of our Extract in all Catarrha) affections Has tnducedus ts prepare remedy POND'S EXTRACT CATARRH CURE, of the nasal organ, ‘The base of EXTRACT in Combination wit Other weilnown Ingredients, which makes it the bests surest Safest ad quickest ture for the diseases for whichis fatended ice, 35 cents. ur Nasal Syringe for applying the cure of Sreat'valog. Price only 45 Centos Prepared by the POND'S EXTRACT CO,, New York and Londse. Sold by drt especially adapted to this preparation is. P ts and at 98 Maiden BOZODONT. To preserve the teeth and keep them pure and white, to prevent their decay, there is no preparation in the market equal to SOZODONT To preserve the gums in a natur- ally hard and healthy coaditon, there is 80 superior to SOZO: DONT. To purify and ewecten the breath there is no rival to SOZODONT, For a perfect mouth there is no recipe like the use of SOZOVONT. Consequently it 18 no wonder that the popalanty ‘ef SUZOVUNT as a dentifrice has no bounds. All Druggists keep it. D® J.G. B. SIEGERT & SONS’ WORLD RENOWNED ANGOSTURA BITTERS. ‘This mort invigorating tonic isjustly celebrated for its exquisite fever aad cattonioary nxoicat. virtue ‘all principal druggists, grocers and iquoe dealer W. Hancox, Sole Agent’ forthe United Staves, st Broad York. P. 0. Bor, 2010. —Geo. Wuppermann, Manage FRACRANT VANITY FAIR Ae CIGARETTE gotten up in honor of the Ps rette bears cut of the Paris Medal and bra 1 Totacco and Cigarettes are better than ever, rpasved for Purity, Delicacy and Excellence. Special NAME, MONOGRAM, CREST or ‘300. Sampies on recel| ples of our Asthmatic ach, 25e, by mail. Peexess IBALL & CO., Rochester, N.Y. A CARD. To all who are suffering from the errors and indiscretions of youth, nervous weakness, early decay, loss of manhood, &e. 1 Will send a recipe that will cure you, FREE OF CHARG! is reat remedy was discovered by a missionary in South America, nd a self-addressed eavel Station D, Biante House, 2S PHOTOGRAPHER, 347 East 14th Street, Between 1st & sad Aves., New York.—Closed on Saturdays valy. ———_——_—_—$_— 9 the Rey. Josaru T. Imax, HEAPEST BOOKSTORE IN THE WORLD. Cc 08,672 Standard English Books 2 * AROUR PRICE. AT YOUR, PRICE, A ANY BRICE. ” J Catalogue of Gene jteratare LEGGAT, BROTHERS, comicbooks.com