Puck — February 19, 1879 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. LG CESAR'S WILL, But here's a parchment with the seal of Caxsar, I found it in his cupboard; 't is his will. Let but his relatives hear this testament, And they will rush headlong to the attorheys. And every son, daughter, cousin and aunt, Wives never known before and children too Of bad repute, will quickly file Their affidavits that he was insane And didn’t know as much as a last year's chicken; Yea, try to break the will, and the result Will be that half the whole estate Will in the lawyers’ purses seck repose; ‘The other half in pieces will be rent By numerous relatives unless I find A codicil bequeathing that amount Unto a home for pauper millionaires. —Derrick, He looked upon a prospect As red as any rose, Did the persecuted mortal With a boil upon his nose. —Puck. He sat upon a “ prospect ” As hot as forty stoves, And 'twould have made you laugh To see how quickly he arose. — Wheeling Leader, “DustPan the western sky, my love? ‘The clouds are breaking away ;” “I dust, indeed, there'll soon b'room, For Sol to gild the day.” And the “ winder"-brush or two. Across the heavens made, And gave them mop-portunity To mark the solar raid. — Wade Whipple in Yonkers Gazette. THOSE JEWS-HARP TESTIMONIALS. I can also give the signatures of the proprie- tors of the beer saloons, who will testify that my matchless instruments were alone used in front of their places. Permit me to give the report of the judges at the Philadelphia exhibi- tion, ‘The judges heard them performed upon in a Lager Beer and Wein Keller, just outside the Exhibition grounds, and immediately agreed to give the following report if the per- formers would withdraw:— SOLOMON NIBS'S JEWS-HARPS, For the singing qualities of the agraffe at fs ee es toa For the durability of the burglar alarm attachment, se ee 102% For the extreme sweetness of the cow- bell register, =. . . . 102% For elasticity, pertinacity and mendacity of the tongue combined, 102% Average, 10214 out of a possible 100, Signed by all the judges. If you will publish the above in your valuable paper I will be happy to pay you with five trade dollars, and I make no discount on those trade dollars neither, Yours respectfully, Sotomon Nies, [We have determined to publish Mr. Nibs's effusion, without making any demand upon him for the five trade dollars.—Sincerest flattery of Puck by obscure Trade Review. SPEtu-BounD—B-o-u-n-d.— Rome Sentinel, Cuicaco does not find favor in the eyes of the Mexican Puck.—. Y. Commercial Ad vertiser, Cucumpers are now fifty cents apiece, and the family physician charges two dollars a visit. NV. Y. News. Puck registered (No.) 100 in the shade this week. Glad you have got up to par, old boy. —Boston Bulletin. Tuere have been men who wouldn’t ac-scep- tre crown and you couldn’t diadem to do it, either.— Yonkers Gazette, Ir the English want to conquer the Zulus, why in the mischief don’t they -hire General Howard?— Phila, Kronikle-Herald, A writer says Lord Beaconsfield is the chief lever in English politics. Of course; isn't he the pry-minister?— Cin, Sat. Might. Do cirts in a printing-office like men to set up with?—Puck. Yes, but some old “sticks” are ruled out.— Unidentified Exchange, Scuakrer is a young mao, but he handles his cue like the grandson of Methusaleh, in fact like a Two-ball Cane.—Fiila, Bulletin, A TOWNSMAN who keeps a donkey in the back-yard says that, winter or summer, he is never without his garden’s-ass.— Yonkers Ga- selle, Lire would surely be a dreary waste if one could not have his picture taken every time a new collar is introduced into the market.— Court Journal, Twins are the paro-pets of a house.— White. hall Times. You wouldn't think so if you occupied the same room at night with them.— N.Y, Express. ‘THE man most liable to chip off the frontis- piece of your Adam's apple is the chap who advertises himself as a ‘tonsorial artist.”’— Wheeling Leader. Ir it be true, no news is good news, some of the Philadelphia dailies are emphatically good newspapers.—Puck. You mean snooze papers, don’t you?— Whitehall Times. We commend to our readers Puck, with its satirical pencil. It is making public opinion rapidly, favoring a return to the secular govern- ment of the fathers. — C/eve/and State, Tue fall of the first woman in the Garden of Eden and the act of secretly listening to the conversation of others are similar in that each constitutes eavesdropping.—Rome Sentinel, On account of the late terrible slaughter of British troops, Her Majesty's Opera, now in this city, will wear crape on their voices for the next thirty days,—Piila, Kronikle-Herald, ‘Tere is a sweet consolation in a morning headache —the assurance that you wrestled with the spirit of bad whiskey and destroyed some portion of it the night before — Court Journal. From our inner consciousness we have evolved the following English style of pun: “A sick Canadian is like one of the joints of a man’s hand, because he is a K’nuck ill. (Knuckle).—Whitehai Times, A PEANUT boy on the Chicago and North- western Railroad was frozen to death up in Wis- consin last week. So, brethren, the long severity of this hard winter has not been exert- ed uselessly, after all,—Burlington Hawkeye, The game of Poker.—Why is the second player old-fogyish? Give it up? Because he's behind the “age."—Pucx. ‘That’s good. But why is the player holding three and a pair, like Puck's caricature of Gumbleton, the County Clerk? Do you ‘pass’? Because he has a full hand!— Baltimore “‘Heptasoph.” Wuat a genius Keppler is. If he had but half the chance that Nast has he'd be known the world around. — Appreciated compliment Srom Noah's Sunday Times, with the assurance that Mr. Keppler is perfectly satisfied with his present “ chances,” Notice.—Called in before birth—jokes on Grévy—too grévy subject to jest about.—Pucx. The President of the French Republic.—Sal- ary $240,000 per annum.—He'// not grévy about his income, at least.—Badtimore ‘‘Hepta- soph.” Puck is decidedly the best cartoon journal published in this country. Its burlesque of the religio-business projects of the present age strikes the nail on the head, and is so eminently true that the religious community, as well as the rest of the world, should blush for shame at the unjust pretensions of our feachers.—Balti- more Heptasoph. ‘Tue excellent excursionists, who are now edi- fying Mexico with a glimpse of the graces and the virtues of Chicago are happily ignorant of the Castilian tongue. But they probably know a caricature when they see it, and we hope therefore that they may come back without catching sight of the lively and malicious sketches with.which the Mexican Puck, Za Gacetilla, has been amusing its subscribers ever since they first descended from the Apam train at the railway station.—. ¥. World, Some Purcuases Coverep sy THE House oF REPRESENTATIVES’ CONTINGENT Funp. One razor and equipments for L. F. Watson, of Pa, , 6 + $: One diary, Hendrick B, Wright, of Pa. One Silica slate for W. J. Bacon, of New York, . . . . . . One opera giass for W. S. Stenger, of Pa, One visiting list for Thomas Ewing, of Ohio, . One photograph , berg. Sh.” ee oe eeceneaas ‘Ten reams of “shoe paper’ for R. W. ‘Townsend, . . . . . One opera glass for C.E. Hooker, of Miss, . . . One “baby opera” for New York, . . . . . One “Songs for the Sanctuary ” for W. J. Baker, of New York, One ivory pocketbook for ning,of Mis, . 3 . 3. One family Bible for Jesse J. Yeates, of album for A. W. Cut- W. J. Baker, of F. H. Man. One hymn ‘book for Jesse Jy: Yeates, of One opera glass for H. D. Money, of Miss, . . . ° ° 3 One magic pencil for H. B. Wright, of One pair of dumb bells for J. R. Chal- mers, . . . . . . One floral album for C. B, Roberts, of One razor strop for H. A. Herbert, One nail brush for A. A. Clarke, of N. J.) One pack of cards for John Goode, of One stereoscope for H. D. Money, of Mig os SUZ ee One opera glass for C, E. Hooker, of iss., One set of cutlery for R.Q. Mills, of Texas, q . . é + 14 00 One “ Bards of the Bible” for N. P. Banks, of Mass., & . 5 Orne “Bible for Learners” for N. P. Banks, . . . . + 200 Three diaries for S.S. Cox, of N.Y. . 4 00 2 00 —Exchange. comicbooks.com