Puck — January 22, 1879 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. COMMODORE NOAH'S SHOW!!! BIGGER THAN BARNUM'S! An Enterprising Manager's Sys- - tem of Transportation. THE GREAT SCREW PROPELLER “ARK.” LOG OF THE VOYAGE. Commodore James G. Noah, who is well known as the proprietor of an extensive me- nagerie in Nod (Eden county), has lately car- ried out a most successful enterprise by trans- porting the whole of his collection of beasts to Ararat city, where his show has created a great sensation, and has filled the coffers of the me- nagerie treasury with shekels. Com. Noah, though but a young man of five hundred, married a charming Eden county belle, Miss Eve Adam, and has three promising sons, Shem P., Ham F., and Japheth J.—the latter better known among his immediate friends and associates as Japhe. Business havin, some time past, the been dull in this city for commodore Noah conceived BRILLIANT IDEA of taking his menagerie across the water. But how was it to be done? There were no sailing vessels or steamers in the harbor large enough to accommodate all the animals. Besides, shipping agents turned up their noses at char- ters for the transportation of live stock of any description, so long as they could freight their tonnage with gopher-wood and skins, and sul- phur for the Sodom and Gomorrah market. Commodore Noah, who, young as he is, had been a captain on a Euphrates River steam- boat, then resolved to BUILD A VESSEL large enough to carry the whole of the great show. He lost no time in making the necessary con- tracts, and with a most gratifying result; for we can safely assert that no vessel of such mag- nitude, better adapted for the purpose for which she was constructed, ever floated out of the harbor. The launching from Mr. Machpelah’s ship- yard took place in the presence of a large assem- Dlage, and as the noble craft darted down the well-greased ways into her future element, Miss Mamie P. Noah, the young and beautiful daughter of Mr, Shem P. Noah, gracefully and skillfully broke a bottle of Piper Heidsieck over the bow of she magnificent specimen of naval architecture,’ and christened her ‘The Ark,” while the band played ‘* Whoa, Emma” with grand effect. MESSRS, LAMECH, MAHALALEEL & CO, were the contractors for the engines, which were horizontal donkeys of two donkey power. Cabin fittings and stalls for the beasts were entrusted to the taste and care of Messrs. Hadad, Baal- hanan & Job, the eminent upholsterers, while the painting and decorating was in the charge of Messrs. Chesed & Pildash, sign and fresco- painters of Kirjatharba Street. ‘The hull itself, of course, was built by the renowned Scotch shipbuilder, Mr. Machpelah, under the imme- diate superintendence of Commodore Noah, and Mr, Machpelah assured our reporter that better work had never been turned out of his yard. THE EMBARKATION. Naturally there was some little difficulty in getting the Commodore's fine collection on board, especially in the case of the elephant and the kangaroo; but by kindling fires under them they were induced to advance. The mosquito required no especial urging, but the bed-bug had to be guided gently but firmly to the comfortable quarters that had been pro- vided for him in Mr. Ham F. Noah's straw mattress, THE WHOLE MENAGERIE having been safely shipped, Commodore Noah with Mrs. Noah, his sons with their wives and families embarked. ‘There was a very large as- semblage of friends to see them off, and the Eden county police experienced considerable difficulty in keeping back the great crowd on the pier; for Commodore Noah had run for Alderman twice, and in both instances nearly succeeded in getting elected, on the Hittite and Plughite ticket. THE ARK steamed proudly into the stream and com- menced her voyage towards Port Ararat, with Pilot Seth Methuselah on the bridge. Outside the Narrows there was a brisk north-easter blow- ing, which had the effect of driving Mrs. Noah and her daughter-in-law to their state-rooms. Mr, Ham F. Noah also felt a little qualmish, and of the animals the Ornithoryncus Paradoxus, or Duck-Billed Platypus, and the periwinkle suffered terribly. The Pilot soon after went ashore and the “ Ark" was fairly OUT AT SEA. The voyage was a rather stormy one, as will be seen from the following extracts from the Ark’s log. The Nod Weather Bureau had prognosticated wet weather, but Commodore Noah was scarcely prepared for such continuous heavy falls of rain, which lasted until the vessel sighted Port Ararat lighthouse. LOG OF THE STEAMSHIP “ARK” COMMODORE NOAH, FROM NOD TO PORT ARARAT, May 2d, a. Mt. 1656. North-east gales and heavy rain squalls. Took a double reef in her keel, and slackéd off the poop cownhaul, course S. W. 34 S.a little northerly. Pelican put his bill into the ear of one of the smaller monkeys. Ship’s surgeon had to take it out. Distance run by dead reckoning 150 miles. May 8th. Much rain all day. Ship laboring heavily. Wind chopped round to N. W. by E. Southerly. Stowed the main-mast and spliced the mizzen stun-sail boom cross-trees. Piped all hands to grog. Passed a drowned mastodon, and several wrecked bathing houses evidently washed away from North Nod shore. Fight down main-hatch between the tom-cats and skunks. Opened several bottles of Florida water in consequence. May 14th. Still raining pitchforks--the boys get their-sca legs. Mrs. Noah still suffering, wants a basin all the time. Find that the men for'ard have taught all the parrots to swear abominably—have to put all these birds in the saloon. May 21st. Set a jib topsail and hove the second mate overboard for being cheeky, Put chaplain in irons for getting drunk, Read “Life of Robeson, or the wiping out of the American navy.” Very heavy rain squalls. Spoke a Bark bound to Tarshish. Captain Jonah. She showed letters WHALE. Hands Piped to grog and then prayers. Played “Poker” with my wife and boys—got stuck. Suspect Shem of working some of his blasted miracles. May 28th, Weather moderated a little, Doctor reported that the rattlesnake had the small-pox—awkward—shall probably have to go into Quarantine. Expect to make Port Ararat Light-house about 6th June. Hay and corn running short. June 1st. Gave the ostrich an airing on deck; it suddenly flew away; a great pity; it was worth $50. Brought up a brace of tur- keys to stretch their wings. They preferred to remain on board instead of fooling around the water. One of them brought back a cob of green corn. Cables and anchors ready. June sth, Weather fine. Donkey engines working beautifully. Land ho! Animals feel good. So do I. June 6th, 3 a. M. Sighted Port Ararat light. 6a. M. Pilot came on board; reported terrible floods everywhere; farmers had lost crops and a greatdeal of live stock. Subscriptions were being raised for sufferers. June 7th, Atanchor. No quarantine, as rattle- snake is better, besides it was chicken, not small pox. Mayor Magog, Alderman Joktan, the son of Almodad, and Alderman Eber, the son of Peleg, came one board to welcome me. Animals to be landed to-morrow. All well. Interviewed by a reporter of the Babel Zimes. June 8th. Chartered six cattle trains for Ararat city by Asia Minor and Eden Central Road. Animals safely landed in five hours. Much trouble with the canary birds and tigers. SPECIAL TELEGRAM TO PUCK. June 11th, Ararat city, 8 p.m. Have just opened menagerie in Mountain Park; large at- tendance; a grand success; hoop la! James G. Noau, Commodore. PUCK’S QUESTIONS. Iv accordance with our promise, we herewith give the second batch of Puck’s Questions, once more calling attention to the rules govern- ing the distribution of prizes, which are as fol- lows: PRIZES For the Best Set of Answers. ado“ “ja 4th sth 6th agp] eh 1 copy of the Christian Union. 2 copies of the Christian Union. wo bes on * + A chromo goes with the two last. Answers must be written on one side of the paper only, and must be accompanied by a certificate of good character, signed by the writer’s mother-in-law, or, in case the mother-in- law is dead, or occupied, the writer’s nearest male friend may sign the certificate. We cannot undertake to return rejected con- tributions, and to this rule we shall in future make no exceptions; but stamps may be en- closéd, all the same. QUESTIONS, 1,—Why should not a bumble bee? 2.—Who killed dead reckoning ? 3-—Who didn’t write ‘ Beautiful Snow”? 4.—What did Cecil Dreeme? 5.—What did Jane Eyre? 6.—What did Oliver Twist? —What did Ivanhoe? —What did Locksley Hall? —What did Foul Play? 10.—Who put up the first stovepipe in the world, and wherein does this remind you of the man who founded a cheese-factory in the Chersonese ? 11.—How much was the Tower of Babel in- sured for, and in what company ? 12,—What is the origin of Boston Baked Beans, and why did General Gage refer to them as bifurcate survivals of pre-Adamite ossifica- tion? And did he? “very worst “ comicbooks.com