Puck — January 8, 1879 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. No. 13 North William Street, New York. FOR SALE BY ALL NEWS DEALERS. Tzrus Jo -Susscrimzrs. HW ARZMANN. H.C. BUNNER. SPECIAL NOTICES. Puck fs on Sale in London, at the News Agency of Messrs. HENRY PGILLIG & CO. 449, Strand. Charing Cross, at THE WILLME® & ROGERS NEWS COMPANY, 11, Bou- verie Street, (Fleet Street). Americans in Paris, hitherto reduced to ‘“Punch."* ““Fun'* and “Judy.” will now find their natural paper on file at the ‘Herald’, se, 49 Avenue del'Opéra.. ‘We cannot undertake to return rejected communications, and to this rule we can make no exception, se Remittances by Money Order, etc. are to be addressed to Kerrier & SCHWARZMANN, friends are only required to pay bills Our advertising prevented oa the billheads of Puck, wich out stamp. tmexessx> thereon. KEPPLER & SCHWARZMANN. = CONTENTS. Tammany’s Last Jig. Pleasures of Royalty—poem.— Poder ‘orm Ron Kampast, Gop Jones. ses It does Hoppen #0. Prof. Fanning’s Canadian Court Pucwennos Etiquette Differeatiat on—itlus. ‘The Ulymples of Smithville. The Happy Family of Humor-| A Nocturne in Black and White 5 —poem.—Chauncey, Important Blt of Etiquette—_ Firewoooe iw AuexicaLXX, ‘The Theat TAMMANY'S LAST JIG. Tue extremely emphatic verdict of the people of the city and county of New York in Novem- ber last, in the case of good government vs. King Kelly, wasa death blow against Tammany. The old machine dies hard, it is true; and, ‘as failing theatrical enterprises offer “gifts” as an incentive to their audiences, so Tammany has organized a ball and general jollification to keep up the hearts of its adherents. If it cannot have the spoils of office, it can at least take in potent libations of ‘Dutch courage,” and anti- cipate great things for the future. It is funny, though, that already there are signs of rebellion in the wigwam. However in- ired we know not, but the alphabetical Ec- lesine, state senator from this city, has offered his allegiance to the obnoxious Mayor Cooper, and has arisen in the very presence of the sachems, with a long talk, in which he de- nounces the society as a ‘flogging machine” for disciplining unruly democrats;” and predicts its speedy annihilation, The reporters say his ch met with much approval from many of e members, although ‘‘discipline” voted him down. But it shows the concealed forces which will ere long burst forth in volcanic fury; and we Prophecy that no bug in amber was ever more thoroughly buried than Mister Kelly will be buried in the flood of political lava which will overwhelm him at the approaching erup- tion of Tammany. But about the jig. Mister Kelly, and his ‘Tammanyites, although rather of the clod-hop- ping than of the saltatorial disposition, have a right to dance their dance of death if they like the notion. Nero fiddled when Rome was burning. ‘Tweed reviewed his “legions” at the Blossom Club a few months before his downfall. Then why should not Kelly, and Spinola and the Wiskinski dance a break-down before their final break-up? And, by-the-by, ‘who or what is a Wiskinski? Considering the “occupations of the principal members of Tam- fmany, ought he not rathen'to be called the PUCK. whisky-skin-ski? It seems so much more ap- pI late, you know. fe hope Tammany will have a merry Jig. We trust to be there to see John Kelly ‘‘chassé- ing down the middle,” with his noble brow rest- ing upon General Spinola’s shirt collar; while the recent great failure as candidate for senator | and then for mayor, may dance a war dance onthe half-Schell. That the whisky-skin-ski will do his duty, there is no doubt; although we trust he will not serve out to the patriots of the wigwam the spirits of the nasty dip with which they regale their customers, That would be to kill Tammany even more summarily than Puck es. From the era of Tammany’s jig, it is to be hoped New York will date its municipal free- dom; as Rome dated: a6 urbe condita. Big feet, huge mouths, brogue and flop-ears do not necessarily make statesman nor patriots; nor is the back-room of a liquor saloon the fittest place to decide upon the policy which should govern a great city. So, as one by one, the ‘Tammany hordes sink into political death, let the survivers sing, “Here's is a health to the death already, And hurrah to the next that dies!” while the whisky-skin-ski fills bumpers. The last to die will be John Kelly, while he can draw a dollar from the city treasury. But the lamps burn dim; the dawn of brighter days lights up the sleeping city. Final tableau. Music: “The Rough’s March,” Disposition of characters at the fall of the curtain, : t + ¢ + [Drunk,] + + PEDESTRIANISM RUN RAMPANT. To the Editor of Puck: Sir—Stimulated by the exploit of Mr. ‘lay lor of Massachusetts, who recently ran twenty miles in Gilmore's Garden, on a diet of apple pie and tea, I shall prance around Madison juare on a peanut, against time, to make 13 miles inside of 347,362,197 hours. Run to take place April 1, me natal day. No pools or betting books allowable. This will show whether my peanut or the Massachu- setts pie is the stronger and healthier diet. G.F. T. Peanut Eater, 49. P.S,—Resumption? Aha! Don’t you be- lieve it! We are on the verge of the grand smash, Soon, no gold, no silver, no green- backs, no pickels, only pennies for peanuts. G.F.T., P. E., 49. IT DOES HAPPEN SO. Ir is at the theatre! You feel the tittil- lating premonition of a snecze just as the cli- max of the act is being reached, to the tune of soft music, and the eyes and emotions of all the audience are strained. You strive to reach your handkerchief, which is in you coat-tail pocket, and you find that the 250-pound female at your right is sitting on it! ‘The tickling sen- sation in your nostrils is becoming painfully positive! You dare not speak for fear of a premature explosion, You nudge your fair neighbor, but she is engrossed with the play! Your nose is by this time screwed up into a knot, and the muscles of your face play the varying gamuts of St. Vitus's Dance! You give a desperate, irresistible tug at the captive coat-tails, and get your handkerchief just in time to cover‘your face from the indignant glances of a startled audience, and to wipe off ‘a coat-front that looks as if it had been out in the first fall of the morning dew. Pucksrings. a ‘Tere’s many a slip ‘twixt the heel and the ‘ip. Hottways_over! Sancy man, Fhila, Bulletin, At it againt—Fact and Glad of it. Point lace handkerchiets must be ‘all sold out.” Judge Hilton gave a bride a pearl neck- lace last week, A MAN was sunstruck on Broadway yesterday afternoon. This is not absolutely true, but it is refreshing. Tuere’s many a literary hack" wishes he could complete the simile by hiring himself out at a dollar an hour. Very few callers voted a straight ticket on New Year's Day. There was a great deal of scratching, especially towards the close of the polls. Tue latest and improved style of suicide is to travel on the New York Elevated Railroad. One is bound to be frozen to death before reaching Harlem, How do we know that the schoolmaster in the “Deserted Village” had turned his back upon the world? Because Goldsmith writes of him: ‘A man severe was he; and stern fo view.”” ‘Tuere is something touching in the childlike simplicity with which the man who has bought a pair of ready-made trousers nurses and en- deavors to retain the tell-tale crease down the front. : We do not want to trouble anybody; but we had our doubts on the subject, and we should feel greatly obliged if we could have explained to us the exact technical difference between an anacreontic and a circus-wagon, A MAN can live more economically during this cold weather, for nothing short of absolute necessity could induce a woman to get out of her warm bed in the middle of one of these nights and rifle her husband’s trouser’s pockets. 1st INTELLIGENT Compositor.—Pretty tough “take” this—ch? Most as bad as Horace Greeley’s. 2d I, C.—That? Bob, that’s nothing! Why, where I worked last year I handled one man’s copy that was so blazin’ bad you couldn’t have read it if was printed. Cream! Rich, unctuous cream! What tanta- lizing visions of delicious strawberries and spring bonnets it summons up! And yet there is nothing particularly angelic in the milkman’s scream that wakes you up at five o’clock on a Sunday morning, and sends you with a bound to the window under the impression that some- body is certainly being murdered in the street below. NOTICE. No. 9 (issue of May 7th, 1877), No. 14 (issue of Fume 4h, 1877), & No. 26 (issue of September sth, 1877), No. 56 (issue of April 3rd 1878) of Puck” will be bought at this office, No. 13 North William Street, at full price, comicbooks.com